BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes (1972)

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• Asa Maynor,
• Buck Kartalian,
• David Chow

The fourth Planet of the Apes film is set in 1991, 20 years since the assassination of talking, time-traveling apes Cornelius and Zira at the end of Escape From the Planet of the Apes. The couple's infant son, Caesar (Roddy McDowall), has grown to adulthood in the care of kindly circus owner Armando (Ricardo Montalban). Meanwhile, a plague has wiped all dogs and cats from the face of the Earth; speechless primitive apes have therefore been domesticated and turned into first pets, then servants of humankind. Caesar becomes outraged at the treatment of these simian slaves and accidentally reveals his powers of speech in front of the militaristic authorities, who kill Armando when he tries to protect his friend's identity. His cover blown, Caesar kick-starts a revolution that pits chimps against humans, paving the way for eventual ape ascendency. – All Movie Guide

50% liked it

PG, 1 hr. 28 min.

Director: J. Lee Thompson

 

March 28, 2010: Palm Sunday of the Lord’s Passion (Year C)

As often happens when series drag on, the budget for Conquest was a little thin. Most of the costuming and props consisted of leftovers from old Irwin Allen TV shows (seriously), and the far-off future of 1991 New York City looked conspicuously like downtown Los Angeles circa 1972. The story was equally sparse, limited to providing a visual record of events already detailed in other entries of the series. Kind of like Revenge Of The Sith, except with primates. (Insert your own joke here.)

Fortunately, the budget did nothing to limit the acting chops of Roddy McDowell and Ricardo Montalbán whose performances raise the level of the whole picture. McDowell’s confusion and righteous anger over the mistreatment of his species is palpable even through the latex covering his features, and Montalbán’s kindly circus owner Armando, who does his utmost to present the good side of human nature to his simian ward, is one of my favorite performances from the actor. As far as Apes movies go, you can do a lot worse.

Of special interest is the recently restored director’s ending. In both versions, after the ape revolt, the sympathetic MacDonald appeals to the memory of Armando and begs Caesar for clemency for the humans. What the director originally shot was Caesar ignoring this plea, proclaiming a new era of ape rule, and allowing the gorillas to beat the humans to death. The End. Test audiences naturally balked at this outcome and the studio quickly re-edited the ending to one in which Caesar grants the humans mercy and speaks to the possibility that the two species might be able to alter the future and live in peaceful co-existence.

The test audience’s reaction to the darker ending came to mind this weekend after mass when I realized we didn’t use the version of the gospel reading in which the congregation speaks the words of the crowd at Jesus’ trial. You know, the ones where we have to do all the accusing and demanding for a crucifixion. It’s relatively easy to run across folks who express distaste at (or simply refuse to participate in) this custom as they insist that they would never, ever had said such things. But while I’d like to believe the same thing, the truth is, we’ve all already done much worse.

As the Catechism explains, “In her Magisterial teaching of the faith and in the witness of her saints, the Church has never forgotten that "sinners were the authors and the ministers of all the sufferings that the divine Redeemer endured." Taking into account the fact that our sins affect Christ himself, the Church does not hesitate to impute to Christians the gravest responsibility for the torments inflicted upon Jesus”. Maybe we wouldn’t have actively joined in the shouting to crucify Him, but our every sin put Jesus on the cross anyway. No tests audiences get to make that ending go away.

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: THE ROOST

The Roost (2005)

• Barbara Wilhide,
• John Speredakos,
• Karl Jacob

A group of young people are en route to a friend's wedding in the remote countryside of Pennsylvania when they hit something unseen, lose control of of their car and become stranded. The foursome reluctantly wanders down the deserted road and into the eerie darkness. They come upon a farmhouse where they hope they can use the phone to call for help -- but no one seems to be at home. It isn't long before they learn that the farm has been taken over by vampire bats that have already claimed the lives of the older couple who lived there. But, once bitten, the victims come back to life zombie-style and those still living have to not only dodge the bats, but the undead as well.

32% liked it

Unrated, 1 hr. 20 min.

Director: Ti West

 

March 21, 2010: Fifth Sunday of Lent (Year C)

If I had to pick my top five horror movies of 2009, House Of The Devil would definitely make the cut. While I recognize its flaws and understand why a good number of (completely wrongheaded) horror fans loathed it, I count myself among the film’s legion of admirers. But we’ll talk more about House Of The Devil some other time. Right now I’m only bringing it up so I can point out just how much it fulfilled the expectations raised by director Ti West’s feature debut, The Roost.

Made for next to nothing (“To put it in perspective” explained Ti West, “let’s just say we made it in two weeks for less than a Range Rover.”) and starring nobody in particular, The Roost nevertheless boasts a distinctive look and feel (borrowed from the late 70s) and features naturalistic performances from its young actors (no vacuous underwear model wannabes from the CW here). Best of all, it relies on atmosphere and pacing to create suspense rather than going for quick edits and cheap jump scares.

Sadly, it’s that last part which seems to lose so many modern moviegoers for The Roost. This is the kind of film where characters wander around for long periods of time shining flashlights into dark corners looking for bats, or sit in front of windows for countless minutes until a zombie finally wanders nonchalantly by in the distance, or mostly just stand and stare at doorways waiting for… anything. And it’s great. Unless you don’t have a lot of patience and then it’s boring as all get out. Okay, I’ll admit, there are spots where the movie doesn’t quite work, but for a first feature, it succeeds more often than it fails, and it definitely showcases a newbie director with great potential. And while he’s bound to make a clunker at some point (even Spielberg has his Hook), House Of The Devil makes it abundantly clear that West is fulfilling his potential and moving in the right direction.

Really, what more can we ask? Even our life in Christ is a growth process with ups and downs. As the Catechism notes, “conversion is an uninterrupted task for the whole Church who, "clasping sinners to her bosom, [is] at once holy and always in need of purification, [and] follows constantly the path of penance and renewal… This is the struggle of conversion directed toward holiness and eternal life to which the Lord never ceases to call us.” Or as St. Paul puts it in this week’s second reading, “It is not that I have already taken hold of it or have already attained perfect maturity, but I continue my pursuit in hope that I may possess it.” All any of us can do is try to keep moving in the right direction. The audience may boo us sometimes, but God is a pretty fair critic. He’s willing to watch us develop over the long run.

OUTTAKES #030

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS

Werewolves On Wheels (1971)

• Barry McGuire,
• Billy Gray,
• D.J. Anderson

The Devil’s Advocates - an outlaw gang of Harley-riding hellions led by Adam (Stephen Oliver of "Motor Psycho" and "Peyton Place" fame) and his ol’ lady Helen (D.J. Anderson) - troll the dusty highways of the American Southwest in search of the next great kick, whether it be sex, drugs, or violence. After dispatching a pair of rednecks unfriendly to their lifestyle, the Advocates run roughshod over a gas station before taking to the road again, where they encounter a cloistered sect of Satanic monks led by high priest One (Severn Darden). A mass-drugging, a ritual sacrifice, a topless snake-dance, and a scene-clearing fistfight ensue, but it’s too late: the spell has been cast, and two shall become… Werewolves on Wheels!

42% liked it

R, 1 hr. 25 min.

Director: Michel Levesque

 

March 14, 2010: Fourth Sunday of Lent (Year C)

Werewolves On Wheels may not be the movie for you. First off, you have to be the kind of person who would purposely watch a movie called Werewolves On Wheels to begin with.

Next, you have to be willing to accept that the title is somewhat misleading. Oh sure, there’s the obligatory throat-ripping or two, a bit of gratuitous nudity, and, yes, a werewolf riding a motorcycle. But first time director Michel Levesque spends little time on that stuff, preferring to concentrate more on atmosphere than he does exploitation. Most of the movie is filled with meandering shots of the desert, bikers having semi-meaningful conversations around campfires, oodles of male-on-male hugging, and tons of groovy fuzz guitar played real slow over it all. Heck, you don’t even really see a full-on werewolf until the third act of the film.

Finally, you can’t be a werewolf purist. There are no gypsy curses, full moons, or silver bullets to be found in Werewolves On Wheels. Instead, the lycanthropy in this flick comes about through the character of Helen’s participation in a satanic ritual. Although at first hypnotized into taking part in the rite, Helen’s wholehearted acquiescence to Satan by the end of the ceremony somehow brings out the hairy beast in her, a trait which she then passes on to her boyfriend by giving him a hickey.

Okay, so it may not be your standard way of becoming a werewolf, but it does makes sense in a bizarre sort of way. (Um, the Satan part, not the hickey.) Think of it as kind of a dark reversal of this week’s second reading in which St. Paul tells us, “Whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come. And all this is from God.”

Reflecting on this verse, Pope Benedict XVI comments, “We become new if we allow ourselves to be possessed and formed by the New Man, Jesus Christ… Paul makes this process of "re-fusion" even clearer, saying that we become new if we transform our way of thinking. That which we translate here as "way of thinking" is the Greek term nous. It is a complex word. It can be translated as spirit, sentiment, reason, and precisely, even as "way of thinking." Our very reasoning should become new. This surprises us. We may perhaps have expected that the renewal would apply to an attitude: something in the way we behave that should be changed, a precept of alteration. But no - renewal must be through and through. Our way of looking at the world, of comprehending reality, all our thinking should change from its very bases.”

So what you get in Werewolves On Wheels is a perversion of this truth. Helen gives herself over to Satan and in doing so becomes a new creature. The problem is that with Ol’ Scratch, the emphasis isn’t on the new, but rather the CREATURE.

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: SCALPS

Scalps (1983)

• Kirk Alyn,
• Carroll Borland,
• Jo Ann Robinson

From cult director Fred Olen Ray (Biohazard, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers) comes this shockingly gruesome gore-fest in all its explicit glory. The plot follows a group of college students who have unwittingly unleashed an evil curse after digging in some ancient Indian burial ground. Violence and bloodshed ensue, making this one of the 1980s classic splatter movies.

13% want to see it

R, 1 hr. 22 min.

Director: Fred Olen Ray, Nicholas Medina

 

March 7, 2010: Third Sunday of Lent (Year C)

Writing in The New Poverty Row, director (and one-time professional wrestler) Fred Olen Ray recalls how his business partner “thought he could raise the needed capital (approximately $9,000) to make the ultimate low budget movie (six kids, a station wagon, and a tent).” Now, $9,000 doesn’t really sound like  enough to ensure a quality production… and it isn’t. Scalps, by Mr. Ray’s own account, is overexposed, out of focus, and ludicrously edited.

But it’s hard (at least around these parts) to completely dislike a movie which features a decapitation where the victim’s head starts to fall off before the blade ever touches his neck. Plus, the shrunken apple head Indian puppet which occasionally materializes for no good reason is oddly endearing. And there are actually a few scenes in which the combination of grainy film stock and Carpenter-esque synthesized music manage to create a palpable atmosphere of dread. This last point is due, in part, to the inclusion of the supernatural element. While the consequences of desecrating Indian burial grounds became as much a cliché of 80s horror movies as the unstoppable madman, the combination of the two in Scalps makes it kind of unique and halfway watchable.

You know, it’s almost tempting to side with Scalp’s enraged Indian spirit after his sacred space is violated. As the 1908 Catholic Encyclopedia reminds us, “The Christian, indeed, believes that God is everywhere and that the Divine Immensity fills all space; but this faith does not exclude the idea of reserving a special spot in which the creature may hold communion with his Creator and worship Him.” And as we see in this week’s first reading where Moses first encounters God on Mt. Sinai and is instructed to “Come no nearer! Remove the sandals from your feet, for the place where you stand is holy ground.”, that’s an idea God encourages.

The Code of Canon Law explains that “Sacred places are those which are assigned to divine worship or to the burial of the faithful by the dedication or blessing which the liturgical books prescribe for this purpose… In a sacred place only those things are to be permitted which serve to exercise or promote worship, piety and religion. Anything out of harmony with the holiness of the place is forbidden.” So anytime we enter into a church, we are on holy ground and should act accordingly. As Bishop Joseph Perry  notes, “While we strive to see holiness first in each other, there is still room for an essential reverence paid the sacred place of the assembly and the objects, vessels and appointments used in worship. In fact, disrespecting the house may well indicate a disrespect for those who live in the house.” And while such disrespect probably won’t cause God to send angry spirits to lob off our heads, it might not be a bad idea to do a little genuflecting and maintain a respectful silence just to be sure.

NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

Once again, it’s time to see what the rest of the blogosphere is up to movie wise. For a change of pace, let’s start out highbrow and check in with Image Journal which has updated its The Arts & Faith Top 100 Films list. Given the pathetic lack of stories involving laser blasts and rubber monster suits, I must admit I’ve only seen roughly 15% of the movies on the list, but I’m sure I’ll work some of these into the Netflix queue as time goes by. Be forewarned, popularity seems to be poison for this list, so don’t expect stuff like Passion Of The Christ, but Jeffrey Overstreet attempts to tell you why you should care just the same.

More in tune with our own preferred viewing tastes around here is Author Al Doshna who recently took a look back at Plan 9 From Outer Space. Now, since Mr. Doshna himself expressed interest in my Catholic perspective on the article, I feel begrudgingly compelled to take a light hearted poke at one single tiny sentence in the piece which has Calvinistic overtones regarding the total depravity of human beings. But that’s really nitpicking since, after all, we all agree everything comes from God’s free gift of grace. The article is a good one and takes a unique perspective on “the worst movie of all time” that readers here might appreciate.

Oddly enough, Plan 9 doesn’t make the Cranky Conservative’s list of his Ten Worst Movie Experiences, but there’s plenty of other stinkers that did. You know it’s going to be painful when Pearl Harbor only comes in at number 10.

Speaking of mega-bucks blockbusters, Iron Man 2 is finally on the horizon. That makes it as good a time as any to check out Barbara Nicolosi’s discussion on the disappearing movie hero over at Salvo Magazine. Be sure to scan the comments where a Batfan or two takes exception to her treatment of The Dark Knight.

I guess some folks just don’t like you messing with their icons. That being the case, I wonder what fans of The Shat will make of LarryD’s indulgence in Fumetti (not a sin, look it up) over at Acts Of The Apostasy in which he ponders the notion that Spock would make a good Catholic? While noncommittal on that idea, the fellas at Creative Minority Report do seem pretty sure that Spock’s brother might feel more at home with the Anglicans.

And finally, just in case you thought it was only us laymen who dive into Wal-Mart $5 DVD bin in order to find our entertainment, I give you Msgr. Charles Pope of the Archdiocese of Washington who manages to find deep meaning in the Brendan Fraser opus Blast From The Past. No, really.

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: BORN OF FIRE

Born of Fire (1983)

• Jean Ainslie,
• Morris Perry,
• Nabil Shaban 

  In London, a musician finds himself assailed by visions of fire and destruction and is unable to finish an important concert. Later, he is contacted by a mysterious woman who tells him his visions are connected with unusual solar activity and volcanic eruptions in a remote part of Turkey. He visits the area and finds himself at the centre of a battle between good and evil for the fate of the earth. Sometimes described as "the world's first Islamic horror film". Born of Fire is a visually stunning trip through a world of mysticism and magic, in the style of Jodorowsky's El Topo and Magic Mountain.

93% liked it

Unrated, 1 hr. 24 min.

Director: Jamil Dehlavi

 

February 28, 2010: Second Sunday of Lent (Year C)

A buck naked Shaytan creeps about a cave playing a flame-throwing flute. Whirling dervishes pummel a woman to death with flower petals. The menstrual blood of a Djinn possessed woman streams down a cliff side into a pool where it forms a cocoon containing a giant insect whose emergence causes the woman excruciating birth pangs while a malformed dwarf sits nearby screaming in anguish. If David Lynch were a Muslim, Born Of Fire is the kind of film he would make.

Born Of Fire is visually stunning and (at least for the artsy tolerant) fairly enjoyable, but I’d be a filthy liar if I claimed to understand all the Islamic imagery. This movie cries out for DVD extras and, fortunately, there are some good ones to be had on the recent release. The stand-out piece is an interview with actor Nabil Shaban who plays the aforementioned shrieking little person. He not only gives a feasible interpretation of the plot, but he’s enjoyably blunt in his opinions that his intentionally disturbing character is in fact the real hero of the movie (true) AND looks better lying next to the heroine than does the lead actor (arguable).

Still, I guess I shouldn’t feel too bad about not catching all the Muslim tidbits in Born Of Fire when my own religion often sends me scrambling for a commentary. For instance there’s this week’s first reading in which Abraham participates in a ritual in which animals are cut in half and the pieces laid out. The reading ends with a cryptic image in which “there appeared a smoking fire pot and a flaming torch, which passed between those pieces.” You know, if David Lynch were a Christian…

Anyway, this is why the Catechism reminds us that in Scripture, “truth is differently presented and expressed in the various types of historical writing, in prophetical and poetical texts, and in other forms of literary expression.” In other words, some research is expected if we’re to understand what’s going on. Here it turns out that God and Abraham were enacting a specific type of Suzerain Treaty, a covenant in which a powerful king promised protection and blessing to a lesser king in exchange for vows of obedience and loyalty. Both parties typically walked through the blood pooling between the pieces of the slaughtered animal proclaiming, “May I be as these if I fail to uphold my side of the covenant!” Since God wasn’t going to physically participate in the ritual, He did so symbolically in Abraham’s vision. A number of Jewish commentaries see the smoking fire-pot and flaming torch as analogous to God’s presence in the pillar of fire and smoke that would later lead the Israelites through the desert. We Christians find the same symbolic presence in the dazzling light and cloud which appear during the Transfiguration. Though not always obvious, God’s always there. Sometimes it’s up to us to learn how to see him.