Monday, May 31, 2010

NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

now_showing

I’ve noticed quite a few of us are taking advantage of the day off to troll the Internet, so I thought I’d throw up a few interesting links to help pass the time.

Well, no sooner do I put up a post bemoaning the lack of a sense of sin in popular entertainment than Pat Archbold from Creative Minority Report posts that he’s found that very thing in AMC's critically acclaimed series Breaking Bad. It’s a television series, so I know next to nothing about it, but Pat sure makes Breaking Bad sound worthwhile. Maybe I can work up enough forgiveness for AMC for changing its format (Arrrgh!) from one of the best commercial-free movie channels on the tube to actually watch it.

Speaking of not liking the way some things change, Pat’s sibling Matt offers up his opinion on why modern vampires suck. This being the Internet and all, arguments ensue in the combox.

But for something on which we can all agree is excellent, I give you Shakespeare’s lost work Thirtennth Night courtesy of The Trousered Ape, a tragedy in two acts (and in iambic pentameter no less) wherein Jason Andronicus cries havoc and lets slip the dogs of slashing along the lake Crystal. Hey, you know, we’re all the high brow here at the B-Movie Catechism.

Right. Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying Memorial Day, and my prayers and sincere gratitude to those of you with family members who died in military service to this country. See you next time.

CUTAWAYS: THE PARTY ANIMAL

A few months ago, seized with a fit of madness, I felt compelled to revisit some barely remembered movies from my high school years. In the case of The Party Animal, it was only a single scene that managed to stick in my memory over the decades, but it’s a favorite. (Warning: Potty mouths are involved.)

Sorry folks, that’s my sense of humor. I have no excuses.

Taking in The Party Animal all these years later, a couple of things became evident. One is that I’ve been watching bad movies for a long, looong time. This one was such a stinker that Matthew Causey, who played the lead character Pondo, supposedly became so disgusted with the anti-intellectual state of Hollywood that he quit acting soon after and became a well respected college professor, one who apparently brooks no mention of his role in The Party Animal whatsoever.

But the other thing is how hard the film tries (and, alas, fails miserably) to be more than just the typical 80s teen sex comedy. It takes the standard set-up for this kind of movie, a kid who wants nothing more than to have sex at least once, and mixes in a dash of Faust (“I’d sell my soul for a piece of…”) with a heaping handful of Romans 6:23 (“For the wages of sin is death”). You see, unlike in other movies like Porky’s and its like, where the characters’ puerile pursuits are depicted as nothing more than good clean teen fun, every action undertaken by Pondo in his search for sex has actual consequences, initially for himself (as in the above clip) and ultimately for others as well. The movie goes so far as to have a scene where Pondo, having force fed a number of women some experimental love potions, is brought into the dean’s office and confronted with all the girls he’s injured (one, hilariously, has the head of the Metaluna Mutant from This Island Earth) through his efforts. Finally, after stumbling upon a working formula, Pondo is crushed to death by a horde of portly women who find him irresistible. The film ends as it began, with a shot of the Angel Of Death (seriously) staring knowingly into the camera. Hope you enjoyed the movie, kids, have fun on the way home. But not TOO much fun, if you catch my drift.

Now don’t get me wrong, The Party Animal still has all of the standard gratuitous profanity, drug and alcohol use, and (oddly non-sexual) nudity found in every other 80s teen movie, maybe even more so than others, but what sets it apart from even the more ‘serious’ entries in the genre (Risky Business, The Last American Virgin, etc,) is its overwhelming sense of sin and its repercussions. Strangely enough, the same year The Party Animal was released Pope John Paul II wrote in his Apostolic Exhortation Reconciliatio et Paenetentia that “the restoration of a proper sense of sin is the first way of facing the grave spiritual crisis looming over man today. But the sense of sin can only be restored through a clear reminder of the unchangeable principles of reason and faith which the moral teaching of the church has always upheld.” Which is easier said than done because “even in the field of the thought and life of the church certain trends inevitably favor the decline of the sense of sin. For example, some are inclined to replace exaggerated attitudes of the past with other exaggerations: From seeing sin everywhere they pass to not recognizing it anywhere; from too much emphasis on the fear of eternal punishment they pass to preaching a love of God that excludes any punishment deserved by sin; from severity in trying to correct erroneous consciences they pass to a kind of respect for conscience which excludes the duty of telling the truth.”

Obviously, The Party Animal was in no way what the Pope had in mind when he wrote of restoring a sense of sin to the world, but hey, these days I’ll take the sentiment where I can get it. Any movie with the guts to call a sin a sin, or an animal an animal for that matter, can’t be all bad.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE

The Brain That Wouldn't Die movie poster
  • The Brain That Wouldn't Die
  • The Brain That Wouldn't Die
An arrogant scientist brings his fiancée back from the dead in this vintage cult horror film. Dr. Bill Cortner (Jason Evers, here billed as Herb Evers) performs medical experiments despite the trepidation of his surgeon father (Bruce Brighton); transplantation is Bill's main area of interest, but he's also had some success using electric shock to restore life to the recently deceased. When Bill causes a car crash that decapitates his fiancée, Jan Compton (Virginia Leith), he spirits her head off to his secret laboratory and keeps it alive with the help of an experimental new serum. Soon, the doctor begins scouring the dives, strip clubs, and suburban streets for an attractive woman whose body he can steal to restore his lady love to her full, ambulatory glory. Meanwhile, back at the lab, Jan grows to hate Bill for refusing to let her die. Developing telepathic powers that allow her to communicate with one of Bill's failed experiments -- a snarling creature kept locked up under the stairs -- she begins to plot her revenge. Things come to a head when Bill returns to the lab with his intended victim: a bitter, disfigured, man-hating figure model (Adele Lamont). The promotional tagline for The Brain That Wouldn't Die was "Alive...without a body...fed by an unspeakable horror from hell!" The film helped provide the inspiration for '80s horror/comedy director Frank Henenlotter's Frankenhooker and Basket Case 2. The former includes a decapitated woman restored to life by her lover, while the latter features both a cameo from Brain star Jason Evers and another character who looks like the twin brother of the monster under the stairs. – All-Movie Guide.
33% liked it

Unrated, 1 hr. 32 min.

Director: Joseph Green

 May 23, 2010: Solemnity of Pentecost (Year C)

I’m ashamed to admit that this movie completely terrified me when I was a kid. But the funny thing is that what scared me wasn’t stuff like the guy running through a field carrying his girlfriend’s severed head, or said head sitting in a pan full of syrupy blood bemoaning her fate, or even the mad doctor desperately stalking strippers and models (the only body types suitable for his experiment, of course) in order to  lob off one of their noggins and replace it with the one back at the lab. No, even at the age of six, I found all of that good fun. I mean, come on, the guy gets sick of hearing his girlfriend’s disembodied head complain all the time, so he duct tapes her mouth shut. That’s classic at any age.

No, what unnerved my young brain was the unseen thing behind the basement door. Out of sight until the very end of the film, it’s always there rattling the handle, testing the hinges, and occasionally thrusting a disfigured arm out of the food pass-through. The thought of what could be lurking behind that door chilled me to my childhood marrow and staved off sleep for hours to come. Even after I saw that it was just some doofus with putty all over his face.

Ah well, I was only six. And it’s not like the fear of the unknown can’t grip grownups from time to time. As this week’s gospel reading attests to, even the Disciples once  found themselves fearfully sitting in a room staring at a locked door. They knew what Jesus wanted them to do, but that would mean opening the door and seeing what was waiting for them on the other side. “We continually close our doors” Pope Benedict XVI  noted in his 2005 Pentecost homily, “we continually want to feel secure and do not want to be disturbed by others and by God.”

But, fortunately, doors aren’t really a problem for God. As the Pope explained, “The second image of the sending of the Spirit that we find in the Gospel is much more hidden. The Risen Lord passes through the closed doors and enters the place where the disciples are.” In this moment, Jesus prefigures the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on Pentecost when the Apostles gained a little fortitude, threw open the doors, and began to teach the faith. Openly and loudly.

And now it’s our turn. Word is out that Pope Benedict XVI is establishing the Pontifical Council for New Evangelization in order to spur renewed efforts at spreading the Gospel in Europe and North America where the teachings of Christ are being overshadowed by the ongoing secularization of today’s culture. For awhile now most Catholics have preferred to keep their evangelizing behind locked doors, but it looks like Jesus is about to slip right in again and tell us to throw those doors wide open. Hope nobody’s scared.

Friday, May 21, 2010

THINGS TO COME: NEIGHBORS FROM HELL

neighborsfromhell

As knee deep in pop culture as this blog is, I actually don’t pay too much attention to TV these days. Never even seen an episode of Lost if you can believe it. But when the latest issue of Dish Magazine arrived (I get it for the movie listings) with a brief article on the upcoming TBS series Neighbors From Hell, well, I just had to take a peek. You can too if you’re willing to go to their site, but be warned, the head writer used to work for South Park, so the commercial is crude with a capital RUDE.

NEIGHBORS FROM HELL PROMO

The basic setup is that Satan sends a family of demons disguised as a human family to stop some eeevil oil company from drilling through the center of the Earth and exposing Hell. Eh, whatever, most stories need some kind of a MacGuffin to get things going. But I thought the premise had promise in a Screwtape Letters kind of way, what with a bunch of demons poking around suburbia preying on the weaknesses of their neighbors and encouraging them to make wrong decisions. Handled correctly, there’s a lot of potential for subtle social satire and criticism in the idea.

Unfortunately…

It looks like every human in the series is already a repulsive scumbag destined for Hell before the demons ever show up. The whole heavy handed punch line of the show seems to be that we humans are, in fact, worse than the demons who are just doing their job. In the interview with Dish Magazine, head writer & executive producer Pam Brady explains that the demons are “not evil in the way humans are evil. Only humans would start wars or do really sadistic things just because of this human frailty. We’re saying demons have a code… The judgment we take is on bad behavior. We’re not really saying that demons are better than humans; we’re just saying that when you have a code and you stick to a code, maybe that is a better thing.”

You mean in the same way terrorists, the mafia, and oppressive political regimes all have a code and stick to them? Like that? Sigh. But bypassing the inanity of that comment, and taking for granted that what we have here is not a by-the-book presentation of what a demon really is, there is half a point to what the show is getting at. People do bad things. It’s called SIN. And in a certain sense, because we are the only creatures on Earth who can actually commit a sin (darn that free will of ours), you could even say we are the worst creatures on the planet. As the Catechism notes, human nature “is wounded in the natural powers proper to it, subject to ignorance, suffering and the dominion of death, and inclined to sin - an inclination to evil that is called concupiscence"…”

“… but human nature has not been totally corrupted… God is infinitely good and all his works are good.” And while no animal, vegetable, or mineral can ever sink to the depths we humans can, they can never scale to our heights either. Through the grace of God, when we do good, man, do we do good. And that’s my concern when watching this promo, that the show will be a one-note joke fixated on the whole anti-humanity mentality which seems to currently saturate the entertainment industry. (Well, okay, that and how many bestiality references can be crammed into a one minute commercial. Sheesh.) I’m hoping that in the series, just like in real life,  we humans get to show our good side every now and then.

Anyone interested in watching this when it airs?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK": GOD TOLD ME TO

God Told Me To movie poster
    A rooftop sniper picks off 14 pedestrians on the streets of New York City. A mild-mannered dad takes a shotgun and blows away his wife and children. A cop goes on a sudden shooting spree at the St. Patrick's Day Parade. And each of these unlikely killers makes the same dying confession: "God told me to." Also stars Deborah Raffin, Sandy Dennis and Tony Lo Bianco.
    59% liked it

    R, 1 hr. 29 min.

    Director: Larry Cohen

    May 16, 2010: Seventh Sunday of Easter (Year C)

    Most horror/sci-fi fans are familiar with the works of Larry Cohen, stuff like, well… The Stuff, not to mention It’s Alive, Q-The Winged Serpent, and Maniac Cop. But God Told Me To is often overlooked. Maybe it’s the gritty non-fantastical cop drama that takes up about half of the film. Maybe it’s the challenging religious conflict which defines the main character, a detective who adores his live-in girlfriend, yet who still feels compelled to attend daily mass and refuses to divorce his estranged, possibly deranged, wife. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s scenes like the one where a glowing space hermaphrodite shows up with his… um, lady parts hanging off his rib cage. I hear that kind of thing can throw some people off.

    Whatever the reason, it’s too bad, because there’s a lot of big concepts mixed in amongst the questionable prosthetics and cheap looking flying saucers. “The idea was that if an alien came down to earth what would be the easiest way to take us over?” Cohen explained in an interview with Twitch. “And of course the answer is that linking itself to the Christian faith would sway the largest number of people the quickest. It's not a dig at religion, it's a dig at the way people abuse power and blindly follow their leaders or believe whatever they’re told by other people.” Basically, the alien takes advantage of a lack of discernment on the part of the people who fall for his (hers/its/whatever) faux-messiahship and commands them to go out and kill.

    This week’s readings all deal with people hearing, or asking to hear, God speak to them, something we’re still expected to do to this day. But when the response comes, how do we know it’s the voice of God and not something else? Not necessarily sexually ambiguous aliens, you know, but maybe our own wants and desires. According to the 1910 Catholic Encyclopedia “discernment of spirits may be obtained through study and reflection… It is procured, always, of course, with the assistance of grace, by the reading of the Holy Bible, of works on theology and asceticism, of autobiographies, and the correspondence of the most distinguished ascetics.” But if we haven’t gotten to all that yet, William A. Barry, SJ suggests a simpler approach. “In Ignatius’s rules for the discernment of spirits, his first piece of advice is to ascertain the orientation of your life: Am I straying from the right path, or am I trying to live a decent Christian life?… If we are trying to live as friends of God, we can trust that our experience is of God’s Spirit when we find ourselves more alive, more peaceful, more energized, and also more concerned about others than about ourselves as a result of the experience.” While not an absolute guarantee that we’ve discerned correctly, this approach gives some assurance that we’ve heard God correctly and are doing what He told us to.

    Sunday, May 16, 2010

    NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

    image

    Well. it looks like the Internet was a busy place while I was out of circulation. First off, the brand spanking new Catholic Roundup Podcast featuring the results of the 2010 Cannonball Awards is up and, wait for it… we lost again. It seems that The B-Movie Catechism must remain, as always, a cultish curio tucked away in the corners of the Catholic blogosphere. As is proper. So be sure to check out Cleansing Fire and St. Monica’s Kneeler who beat us in the categories we were nominated for, as well as Death By Popcorn who didn’t win in their category either, but who I think is one of the more interesting New Kids on the Block anyway. My congrats to all the winners.

    As a small consolation for our horrendous defeat, however, The B-Movie Catechism did inexplicably end up on Total FILM magazine’s list of 600 Movie Blogs You Might Have Missed under the heading of Indie, Cult, B-Movies and World Cinema. Go figure.

    Speaking of lists, Creative Minority Report recently gave us their opinion on the 7 Stupidest Environmentalist Movies ever made. The comment section was quick to point out so many more bad flicks that this reader was left with the sinking feeling that the real answer to what is the stupidest environmentalist movie is… whatever the next one is.

    If that’s not enough list mania for you, be sure to join the fun over at Shredded Cheddar where everyone’s favorite Werepunk Catholic (let her explain it) is taking a stab at naming their top 5 television themes.

    In other lycanthrope news, The American Catholic seems very concerned at the moment with werewolf prevention. You’ll have to head over there to find out why.

    If you’re in the mood for more monsters after that, then check out Good News Film Reviews take on the recent Norwegian zombie flick Dead Snow. Mr. Nehring usually covers more upscale fare on his blog, but he has a notorious soft spot for zombies, so it’s no surprise to find him slumming it in our territory for this one. As such, we can totally sympathize with his love it/leave it reaction to Wirkola’s fun, but flawed movie. (But come on, Scott, you know the Mexican stand off on the side of the mountain between the two guys and the platoon of Nazi zombies was cool!)

    If you’ve just got to have some overly intellectual film discussion, then be sure to read Slant magazine’s Easter posting in which two lapsed catholic atheists debate the merits of The Last Temptation Of Christ and The Passion Of The Christ. Just guess which film received the comment “I'm convinced that only one of the films we're talking about here actually has anything of substance on its mind about spirituality or religion”? All too predictable, but who am I to cast stones at those who bring their philosophical predilections to a movie. Despite the bias, it’s a pretty interesting read.

    But you don’t come hear for that highfalutin stuff. You come here for the crazy. And for that, I recommend you head over to WFMU’s blog and check out their collection of psychedelic Christian radio spots by Lutheran Pastor John Rydgren originally syndicated in the late 60s. Classic Christian craziness at its best.

    And just in case you want to know what the Catholics were up to while this was going on, then drop by The Ancient Star Song where they’ve unearthed a vinyl copy of the long out of print original recording of They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love by Father Peter Scholtes and his congregation. Very instructional for those of you interested in the origins of modern Mass music.

    Well, that should be more than enough to keep everyone busy for a bit. See you back here soon.

    CUTAWAYS: THE LOCH NESS HORROR

    Free association is a dangerous thing in the land of B-movies. For instance, the recent review of I Spit On Your Grave reminded me of this scene from Larry Buchanan’s ode to the 1970s cryptozoology craze, The Loch Ness Horror. Trust me, you’ll get the tenuous connection during the last thirty seconds. That is, assuming you can make it through the first two minutes. Mwah Ha Ha Haaa!

    So, what can learn from this clip? Well…

    (1) Some guys should never be allowed to try and act like a Scotsman. (2) Some guys should never be allowed to tray and act, period. And (3), no guy should ever, and I mean ever, try and impress a lady with his porn obsession.

    Now, long time readers of this blog may remember that we spent about two weeks awhile back discussing what is and is not proper to spend time watching. The best answer we could come up with then more or less mirrors the same one that Stephen Greydanus recently pointed out. And since he gets paid to say these things, we’ll let him explain it. “Discerning between good and bad in cinema, as in other art forms, is a matter where sincere Catholics may disagree. In the wise words of a priest of the Oblates of the Virgin Mary, “The Catholic Church teaches authoritatively, has always taught authoritatively, and will always teach authoritatively, that the visual arts … are a grey area.”

    Except for when they’re not. Porn, as Greydanus also notes, can never fall into a grey area as it does grave indignity to its participants and has undeniable harmful effects on its viewers. That’s why even the weakest of Christians among us (by which I mean me, of course) who might succumb to a case of the pre-adolescent giggles over movie titles like Throbbin' Hood or Butt Pirates Of The Caribbean (sorry, a good friend used to work for a video store with an “adults only” back room) knows that actually watching such films are out of the question. But the definition of pornography in the Catechism doesn’t just let us off the hook with simply avoiding X-rated material. According to the Catechism, “Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties.” You can see the catch. What are we to think about the use of the word ‘simulated’ in that definition? It would seem to indicate that R-rated soft-core titles like, say, The Witches of Breastwick (sorry, sorry) are off limits as well, but does it also mean we are obligated to avoid every single movie with an implied sex scene in it? Obviously not, since even the Vatican’s own list of great films contains some movies with “a few discreet sexual scenes”. So where is the line drawn?

    Alas, rather than micromanage our every decision, this is another area in which the Church appears to leave it up to our own (ahem, well informed by the Church’s teachings) consciences to figure out where our own personal lines are. But given the highly addictive nature of pornography, honesty with ourselves is an imperative. This can be especially important when dealing with the genres of movies which appear on this blog, ones which occasionally have more than their fair share of gratuitous nudity and simulated sex. Even an old guy like me, for whom a pair of uncovered boobs are simply no longer a threat to chastity (thank you art school), occasionally runs across a movie which has to be fast forwarded or simply turned off. As the Catechism puts it, every person must be “sufficiently present to himself in order to hear and follow the voice of his conscience… Return to your conscience, question it… Turn inward, brethren, and in everything you do, see God as your witness.”

    Now, I’m pretty sure most of the regular readers of this blog are closer to having their faces put on a holy card than I am, but on the slim chance someone out there with a porn problem runs across this entry and is looking for support, this page at the Catholic Answers forum is a good place to start. Just in case.

    You know, with all this talk about consciences, I feel kind of bad that the above clip didn’t actually show Nessie from the movie. So here’s a little something extra for you in atonement.

    lochness

    Ah, bad movies, they beat porn any old day. All the lousy acting with none of the guilt.

    Wednesday, May 12, 2010

    BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: DEADLY BLESSING

    Deadly Blessing movie poster
    • Deadly Blessing
    A former Hittite (a member of an Amish-like sect) dies in a mysterious tractor "accident", and his widow is left to face the frightening Hittites who view her as "the incubus" and may have sinister designs on her.
    35% liked it

    R, 1 hr. 40 min.

    Director: Wes Craven

    May 9, 2010: Sixth Sunday of Easter (Year C)

    Led by a continuously frothing Ernest Borgnine, the overly scrupulous spare-no-rod Hittites (who “make the Amish look like swingers”) spends most of the movie trying to drive away the recently widowed Martha and her visiting friends for fear that the women’s Godless 20th century ways have brought the demonic Incubus into their small religious community in the form of a mysterious figure who is killing heathen and non-heathen alike.

    The atmosphere is effectively creepy and the early James Horner score is pretty good, but it’s the cast of predominantly second-tier, yet competent actors, who really make this movie. You’ve got Maren Jensen (Athena from the original fun Battlestar Galactica), the ever reliable Michael Berryman, a freaky Lisa Hartman, and an as yet unknown Sharon Stone who gamely allows a real tarantula to drop in her mouth. All in all, it’s a pretty solid thriller, only faltering near the end when the script goes haywire with precognitive teenagers, crazed over-protective mothers, and a love-sick hermaphrodite.

    The biggest twist, however, comes in the final few seconds. Raised as a self-described Fundamentalist Baptist, it’s clear that director Wes Craven had some things he wanted to say about the repressive nature of religion (Waaah, why didn’t mommy and daddy let me do whatever I wanted?). But the final scene of the film, tacked on by the studio against the director’s wishes, completely turns the film on its axis and implies the one thing Craven probably didn’t want. That is, the Hittites were right. Their “repressive” customs were necessary to hold back the great evil that’s out there waiting to claim all our souls.

    The importance of religious customs can  be seen in this week’s first reading from Acts 15 where the very first ever Apostolic Council on record is convened, not to debate some unsettled matter of dogma, but rather to decide whether or not the Church should adopt the Kashrut dietary laws of the Jews. And while that particular custom was eventually rejected, the Church would go on to institute many other traditions from the obligatory (Sunday worship) to the voluntary (saying the rosary). In his book Catholic Customs and Traditions: A Popular Guide, Greg Dues postulates that “Religious traditions are effective for several reasons. They are in tune with people’s religious needs. They are cyclic, repeating on a regular basis and, therefore, serving as a reinforcement mechanism for faith. They take their shape from the real stuff of people’s lives, cultures, and experiences. Finally, they are effective because they are earthy in the sense that they promote a religion of the heart, body, senses, environment, intuition, and imagination.”

    So be sure to keep eating Hot Cross Buns on Good Friday and getting your throat blessed by Saint Blaise in February. Those kind of customs alone won’t drive evil away, but they will keep your mind focused on the things that will. Plus, hot buns taste good, so that’s a bonus.

    Saturday, May 08, 2010

    COMING ATTRACTIONS: TALES FROM THE CRYPT: DEMON KNIGHT

    For some strange reason, even though the blog was down for a few weeks, I seem to have actually picked up some new readers. That’s the Internet for you. Oh well, ours is not to reason why. Ours is but to do and die. Or at least do. Because dying for a blog would be, well, stupid.

    Anyway, for those of you new to the site, I happily take requests (or more typically challenges) for my longer mega-reviews. The only stipulations are that, with few exceptions, the movies should be low budget for their time period and preferably be something you could have caught at a drive-in.

    Our next feature, Demon Knight, comes courtesy of our friend Xena Catolica who, as we’re learning more and more, paid to see some crazy stuff back in the early 90s. Enjoy the trailer, the review will be here… eventually.

    Friday, May 07, 2010

    THE ENVELOPE PLEASE…

    RogerCormanOf course this year’s Academy Awards were wretched. That’s kind of a given by now, isn’t it? But there was one bright spot. The legendary Roger Corman, producer and/or director of literally hundreds of movies, a number of which have graced this very blog (The Dunwich Horror, Beast from Haunted Cave, Eat My Dust), finally received a long overdue honorary Oscar. And he got it while still alive and going strong. His latest production, Sharktopus, is now in production over at the SyFy channel. Sharktopus! That’s a guaranteed watch based on the title alone.

    I only bring this up because it just goes to show that if you persevere long enough in the kind of stuff you find on this blog, you will eventually be awarded. Now that’s not going to happen to us yet, probably never will, but if you feel like throwing your vote away, feel free to head over to The Crescat and participate in The 2010 Cannonball Awards. This year, the B-Movie Catechism is up for both “Blog That Needs to be Updated More Often” (a category we’ll try to work our way out of this next year) and Best Armchair Theologian (whoever nominated me for that one has probably already received their penance). If you do wander over, be sure to click on some of the links under the Best New Kid on the Block category. There’s some good stuff in there.

    I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE

    spit19 

    THE TAGLINE

    “This woman has just cut, chopped, broken and burned five men beyond recognition... but no jury in America would ever convict her! I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE ... an act of revenge!”

    THE PLOT

    Aspiring writer Jennifer Hill travels to a remote small town where she inadvertently draws the attention of some of the local lowlifes. Following Jennifer to her cabin, the men repeatedly rape and beat her before leaving her for dead. Two weeks later Jennifer returns to the scene of the crime and proceeds to hang, castrate, chop up, and disembowel those who assaulted her. The End. (Doesn’t look like we’ll be spending too much time discussing plot in this review, huh?)

    THE POINT

    It’s inescapable. Whenever discussing I Spit On Your Grave you MUST drag in Roger Ebert at some point. So, let’s just go ahead and get it out of the way right up front. You see, back in 1980, America’s premier movie critic had few, if any, kind words to say about I Spit On Your Grave. “This is a film without a shred of artistic distinction.” Ebert opined. “It lacks even simple craftsmanship… at the film's end I walked out of the theater quickly, feeling unclean, ashamed and depressed. This movie is an expression of the most diseased and perverted darker human natures… There is no reason to see this movie except to be entertained by the sight of sadism and suffering.” So, as you can see, no love there.

    But don’t think it was the subject matter that offended Ebert. After all, he’s the man who once scripted a few rape scenes of his own for the film Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls. And it wasn’t just the twenty four minute long on-screen depiction of the assault. Ebert’s review for 2003’s Irreversible was almost apologetic in tone for that film’s nine minute (feels like much longer) rape sequence. “The camera looks on unflinchingly as a woman is raped and beaten for several long, unrelenting minutes… That the movie has a serious purpose is to its credit but makes it no more bearable… most people will not want to see the film at all… But it is unflinchingly honest about the crime of rape. It does not exploit. It does not pander.” So why the difference? Well, in Ebert’s words, “As a critic, I have never condemned the use of violence in films if I felt the filmmakers had an artistic reason for employing it. I Spit on Your Grave does not. It is a geek show.”

    spit15

    Now to be fair, not everyone agrees  with Ebert’s assessment of I Spit On Your Grave. There are those hardcore grindhouse fanatics who like the movie BECAUSE of its violent simplicity and sleazy atmosphere, and, of course, there’s the rape fetishists. (If you don’t think there is such a thing, you just haven’t been on the Internet long enough.) Most of the film’s champions, however, claim to appreciate the movie for its perceived pro-feminist subtext. “If you wanna talk about empowerment” exclaimed Joe Bob Briggs in defense of the movie, “this broad is pretty dang EMPOWERED--as opposed to "The Accused," where the creaky legal system ALMOST fails and lets the guys go free.” In fact, the reviewers for VideoHound’s Cult Flicks & Trash Pics go so far as to call I Spit On Your Grave “one of the best feminist-revenge movies ever made.”

    So with such vociferous supporters and detractors, who’s right? Well, in my completely unsolicited non-professional opinion, none of them, at least not completely. If you read Ebert’s entire review, it’s pretty clear his visceral reaction was influenced somewhat by the fact that he saw the movie in a grimy little theater with an audience which not only shrieked with delight over the murder scenes (pretty common in scary movies) but also more disturbingly cheered on the rapes (again, if you don’t think there are such people, you just haven’t been on the Internet long enough). Combine a bad audience with the film’s hit-and-miss acting, grainy film stock, and wretched, sometimes incomprehensible sound mix, and it’s easy to imagine that the ambience of the movie going experience might have poisoned Roger’s review somewhat. That’s not to say that if Ebert had seen the film in the somewhat more affable environment of his customary critic’s screening room that he would have actually liked the film, but perhaps he might not have seen it as the epitome of all things evil in cinema. Maybe.

    spit06

    Still, if Ebert can (arguably) be said to have gone a bit overboard in his trashing of I Spit On Your Grave, the film’s supporters go WAY too far in its defense as a feminist empowerment treatise. Now this is a marginally bold statement because a feminist empowerment treatise is exactly what the director and screenwriter Meir Zarchi was going for. In a 1984 interview with Fangoria magazine, Zarchi explained what inspired him to make the movie. While driving past a local park with his daughter and a friend in 1974, they noticed a naked bleeding woman stumbling from the underbrush and stopped to help. As Zarchi explains it, “We took the girl to the police, because at the time we thought sure, the police, they have to catch the culprits, right? Now of course I realize we should’ve taken her to the hospital. We found out when we took her to the police just what the word bureaucracy means - how old are you? What’s your name? Why were you in the park? What time was it? Should we notify your mother? By this time she was close to falling apart, and I said to the policeman, “This girl is hysterical, she should be taken to a hospital.” He said no, no, we have to fill out these papers.” It was Zarchi’s frustration and anger over this experience which ultimately inspired him to make a film in which the victim circumvents the uncaring system and turns the tables on her attackers.

    Unfortunately, there’s a disconnect between Zarchi’s experience and what he finally put on screen. You see, while the dismissive treatment of the real life victim’s trauma goes a long way towards explaining why Zarchi has his main character pursue justice on her own, there’s no actual scene in the movie where the authorities treat Jennifer in such a fashion. In fact, at no point after her assault does she ever try to contact the police, a doctor, the boy scouts, anyone. By leaving out such a scene, the movie denies Jennifer the motivation of being an abandoned, ignored victim who has no choice but to take matters of justice into her own hands. Another possible rationale for Jennifer’s actions could have been self defense, as there is a single scene in which the men, having discovered Jennifer survived the assault, toss around the idea of going after her before she finally calls the authorities. But nothing comes of it and the guys return to their daily routines. Instead, the movie has Jennifer initiate all of the violence in the second half of the movie, effectively flubbing that potential angle as well.

    spit10 

    But writing off the movie’s faults as mere script problems is too simplistic and might actually miss the bigger picture. The fact is that Zarchi sees no need for such motivations to allow Jennifer to pursue the path she does. This point is driven home in the scene in which Jennifer stops by a church on her way back to kill her attackers. Now a number of reviewers have quite understandably interpreted this moment as one in which Jennifer inappropriately kneels before the altar in order to ask forgiveness for the acts she is about to commit (even a kid in their first year of religious ed could tell you that just ain’t the way things work), but having seen the film a few times and read Zarchi’s interview, I’m not sure that’s what is going on at all. I’ve come to believe that, from the director’s viewpoint at least, Jennifer is there to accept God’s blessing for the upcoming carnage. “The theme is biblical” Zarchi stated in the Fangoria interview, “an eye for an eye.”

    Now, anyone who has bothered to do the minimum of research on the infamous “eye for an eye” verse from Exodus 21 understands that the intention of that ancient law was to effectively limit the scope of punishment for any particular crime. For example, before an “eye for an eye”, it was possible for a thief to find himself executed, his family sold into slavery, and his house burnt down. And that was on a good day. After the new law, the punishment had to be commensurate with the offense. As such, a thief would likely find himself paying restitution, facing a short indentured servitude, or, worst case, having his hand lobbed off. When Jesus came along and addressed the issue in Matthew 5, He emphasized the tradition aof offering greater clemency towards offenders to reflect the mercy which God offers to all of mankind for its own transgressions. But even if we ignore Jesus and limit the film to the harshest of Old Testament standards, the only action taken by Jennifer which might conceivably pass the “eye for an eye” test is the one that, ironically, the majority of viewers find the most horrific, the castration of the lead attacker. So oddly enough, had the movie just been about a one-woman eunuch factory, it might have actually passed muster. But once Jennifer leaves the newly neutered man to bleed out in a locked bathroom, she oversteps the boundaries of an “eye for an eye” and enters into the realm of wrath. And as the Catechism is quick to point out, “To desire vengeance in order to do evil to someone who should be punished is illicit… If anger reaches the point of a deliberate desire to kill or seriously wound a neighbor, it is gravely against charity; it is a mortal sin.”

    spit11 

    But even Zarchi’s mishandling of Old Testament law isn’t really the biggest problem with I Spit On Your Grave. No, to get to the crux of the movie’s main failing, you have to first accept that I Spit On Your Grave is exactly what its supporters say it is, a feminist revenge fantasy. Now there are literally hundreds of pages out there devoted to why this is so, particularly in such well respected tomes as Carol J. Clover’s Men, Women and Chainsaws and Jacinda Read’s The New Avengers: Feminism, Femininity and the Rape-Revenge Cycle, but it really comes down to a couple of key scenes. The most telling comes near the end of the assault sequence in which the men, having finished raping and beating Jennifer, begin to rifle through her desk. Once they find the book she is working on, they begin to destroy it, mocking her efforts and basically insinuating that the whole rape was brought on by her attempts to be a modern, uppity woman. It’s here that the movie shows its true heart and lets you know that what you’re watching is not a simple revenge film, but a kind of morality tale about the suppression of all women.

    If this sounds far fetched, then remember that under its original title of Day Of The Woman (only later retitled by savvy grindhouse distributors to the more provocative I Spit On Your Grave in order to boost ticket sales), the movie was released in 1978, just three years after the publication of Susan Brownmiller’s magnum opus of  second wave feminism, Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape. It was this book that cemented the growing sentiment among feminists that all rape is about power into the public consciousness. As Ms. Brownmiller puts it in the very first chapter, “rape became not only a male prerogative, but man's basic weapon of force against woman, the principal agent of his will and her fear. His forcible entry into her body, despite her physical protestations and struggle, became the vehicle of his victorious conquest over her being, the ultimate test of his superior strength, the triumph of his manhood… From prehistoric times to the present, I believe, rape has played a critical function. It is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear.”

    spit08

    That belief in rape as a form of power struggle is at the core of this movie’s philosophy and, in conjunction with the aforementioned scene involving Jennifer’s novel, it shows you this best through the use of a bit of subtle symbolism (the film is not as completely artless as Ebert and others would suggest). At the very start of the assault sequence two of the men motor up to Jennifer as she is relaxing adrift on the water in a small canoe. Seizing the craft’s tow line, the men drag the helpless woman to a deserted spot on the shore where they intend to start the rape. In contrast, the final scene of I Spit On Your Grave shows Jennifer leaving behind the body of her final victim while seated in the men’s boat, her hand firmly on the tiller as she moves across the waters. She has not only defeated her oppressors, but taken control of their craft as they once had hers. The axis of power has shifted and it’s the woman who is in control now. Feminist revenge fantasy indeed!

    Now it’s been a few decades since I Spit On Your Grave was released, so a number of subsequent studies (Craig T. Palmer’s Twelve Reasons Why Rape Is Not Sexually Motivated: A Skeptical Examination being the first biggie) have begun to challenge (to put it mildly) the validity of the “it’s all about power” explanation of rape. But even if we view the movie through the political mindset in which it was produced and accept its tenuous worldview, and even if we accept its (morally wrong) view that Jennifer’s wrath alone is sufficient to justify her actions, there’s STILL a major problem with I Spit On Your Grave. While I suppose it’s legitimate to say the film succeeds in being the supreme parable of second wave feminist empowerment that its admirers claim it to be, it does so at the expense of Jennifer’s integrity as a person.

    spit04

    Let me explain. In her book The Politics of Rape: The Victim's Perspective (published the same year as Against Our Will), Diana Russell included a chapter of interviews with rapists. One interviewee related how his victim, after being punched in the face multiple times, stopped fighting and simply stated, “All right, just don't hurt me.” “When she said that," he continued, "all of a sudden it came into my head, 'My God, this is a human being!' I came to my senses and saw that I was hurting this person." Before that, he admitted, "It was difficult for me to admit that I was dealing with a human being when I was talking to a woman." Ultimately, whether the motivation is power or sexual urges or whatever, rape always involves to some extent the objectification of the victim, what the University of Connecticut’s Women’s Center describes as “seeing a person as a sexual object and emphasizing their sexual attributes and physical attractiveness, while de-emphasizing their existence as a living person with emotions and feelings of their own.” That’s one of the main reasons why rape, according to the Catechism, “does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act.” 

    The thing that really grates on me about I Spit On Your Grave, the thing that finally causes me to recommend that people just not watch it, is that the movie spends the first half of its running time portraying the evils of objectification and its effects on the character of Jennifer, only to turn around in the second half and do the same thing to her itself. It does so first, as discussed above, by robbing her of any even semi-legitimate moral reason for going as far as she does, a decision on the part of the filmmakers which, in effect, changes her from an individual seeking justice into a characterless symbol for a political statement. But worse than that, the way she goes about it all is to become the kind of object her attackers saw her as to begin with. She makes herself up, teases and flashes the men, promises them sex to lure them close, and even allows one of them to strat having sex with her. And the camera doesn’t spare the audience a few glimpses of her unclothed body while she is doing so. While this is sadly a common plot contrivance in many rape-revenge films (Jacinda Read notes that  “The female avenger… frequently becomes an eroticized figure whose sexuality represents her “capital” within the public domain.”), it’s especially frustrating in this instance because the movie went to great pains to ensure that there wasn’t the slightest bit of titillation during the rape scene. It ends up creating a paradox in which the narrative rails against the objectification of women while simultaneously encouraging the audience to do that very thing to the woman onscreen. In the end, the biggest problem with I Spit On Your Grave is that we see Jennifer treated like a thing, and her response to this is to become… a thing. And it wants us to cheer about it. No thanks.

    spit21

    THE STINGER

    Obviously, I Spit On Your Grave gets a lot of things wrong. The really pathetic thing is that the mistakes start before you even enter the theater. The tag line on the one sheet boldly proclaims “This woman has just cut, chopped, broken and burned five men beyond recognition!” In the movie, there are only four men. Seriously, if the people distributing the film didn’t even bother watching it, why should you?

    YOU’VE BEEN WARNED

    I_spit_on_your_grave

    A couple of quick notes on the review for I Spit On Your Grave which will be up in a few hours.

    It’s long. Probably the longest review I’ve posted here. I did my best to trim it, but there was just some stuff I felt I couldn’t leave out. Considering some of the wretched bits of celluloid I’ve admitted to watching on this blog, if I’m gonna advise someone else to actually avoid a movie, I want it to be clear why.

    Also, it’s probably the least entertaining review I’ve done. Sorry, I just couldn’t find a lot of laughs in a movie with a twenty-four minute long rape scene. Back when I was a kid in the less-ecumenical 70s, one of those door-to-door Mormons sat at our family dinner table and told us a joke involving the rape of a nun. He even used props. Being in elementary school at the time, and having only seen my family step inside a church once or twice for weddings, I thought it was hilarious. These days, I might consider kicking him in the groin. If that was allowed. Anyway, I digress. All I’m saying is, if you’re looking for a smile or two, maybe this is the review to put aside for later.

    So, you’ve been warned. Read at your own risk. The usual nuttiness will resume afterwards.

    Wednesday, May 05, 2010

    THE SHOW MUST GO ON

    Drive-in--OnWithTheShowBw_000005

    My thanks to everyone for their prayers and well wishes, both public and private, over these past few weeks. After the wife-enforced zero-tolerance recuperation period and the obligatory time to catch up at work, it looks like I’m finally going to get to open the doors again. So on Friday, as most of the world is celebrating the start of the mega-budget movie season with the release of Iron Man 2, we here at the B-Movie Catechism will be basking in the glory of… the same old low budget crapola we always do.

    What? I may let the quacks change my diet and my sleep schedule, but the dollar DVDs and old VHS-rips… that stuff I’m taking all the way to the grave.