NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

Well, the 20011 Catholic Media Promotion Day has come and gone, but if you’re like me, you’re still trying to catch up on all the recommendations that were made. A complete list can be found here if you’re looking for something new to read or listen to.

One of the podcasts I checked out which will definitely be making it into my regular listening routine is The Catholic Warthog put out by Jason Elizondo. In his latest episode, Jason discusses the history of Fritos, gives his impressions on the V season finale, and, having seen the trailer for American Pie 4, gets into a discussion on our responsibilities as parents in preventing our children from seeing certain movies before they are emotionally mature enough to handle the ideas in them. If you don’t think there aren’t adults taking that responsibility serious enough, then hop on over to Catholic Lane for an article covering some of the questionable R-rated movies being shown in Catholic High Schools. In all honesty, some of the films they seem down on like Dead Man Walking, I would have no problem being shown to and discussed with the older classman. But c’mon, Hair, really? Oh, and all you homeschoolers, don’t think that you’re immune.The New York Post article informs us of a recent court ruling which opens the door to more nudity on broadcast television. So keep an eye on those remotes parents.

On the reading front, one of the blogs I picked up during the Media Promotion event is a fairly new effort called The Baptized Imagination. This is where Joe Wetterling attempts to find Catholic truth in the world of fantasy and sci-fi, so you can see the draw. Having finally gotten around to giving Firefly a viewing on Netflix streaming (I know, I know, but a guy can’t have seen everything can he?), I was particularly interested in his take on the episode The Hero of Canton.

As for some of the places I’ve been visiting regularly for awhile, The Happy Catholic (who has a book coming out, by the way) offers up some movie suggestions for Lent, Fr. Erik over at Orthometer has found yet another reason to dislike Tom Cruise, Fr. Dwight Longenecker finally gets around to watching the Book Of Eli, Fr. Philip Neri Powell has something to say about Comets, Zombies, & Righteousness, and over at Shirt Of Flame, Heather King wonders why atheists have no equivalent to The Greatest Story Ever Told.

In more mainstream news, Dick Straub visits this year’s Sundance Film Festival and comes away with the impression that spirituality is making a big comeback in movies this year, Arts & Faith chooses their Top 25 Horror Movies of All Time (Feel free to disagree. I did. Peeping Tom?), and Anthony Hopkins weenies out just a bit when asked about his beliefs in an interview for The Rite.

And finally, though it doesn’t have much of anything to do with religion, I give you the first glimpse at Roger Corman’s follow up to Sharktopus… Pirahnaconda!

See you next time.

OUTTAKES #033

Because someone’s bound to ask…

(1) The name of the movie from which the clips are taken is Curse Of The Blue Lights, perhaps the finest film ever made in Pueblo, Colorado, the City of Excellence.

and (2) Yes, I know there’s something seriously wrong with me.

DVR ALERT!!!

As you all know, while I may let on as to whether I enjoyed a particular movie or not, I never go so far as to recommend anyone else actually watch it. Nope, if you’re going to spend time with the same kind of dreck I do, I’d rather you do it of your own volition instead of having me to blame. I’ve got enough to answer for.

That being said, I just noticed that TMC is scheduled to air Carnival Magic tonight at 2:00 AM eastern time. Where they dug up the courage to show this obscure nightmare of a movie, I couldn’t guess, but if you really want to see the kind of flick I seek out on a daily basis, this is it.

A magician raised by Buddhist monks who can hypnotize people with his stare, read minds, and levitate, yet still lives in a dirty trailer behind a carnival? An alcoholic wife abusing lion tamer? A talking monkey who steals cars and tries to commit suicide?

Now THIS is a children’s movie! Seriously, it is. It was rated G and marketed to the kiddie show circuits in the early 80s by director Al Adamson, the cinematic genius who brought us the likes of  Psycho a Go-Go, Horror of the Blood Monsters, and Blazing Stewardesses.

And on top of everything else, it’s often quite dull.

Lord help me, I live for these kinds of movies.

But don’t worry, you don’t have to. Take comfort in the fact that, as Father John A. Hardon wrote in his book The Catholic Catechism, “that each person has his own soul, that each is personally immortal, that each is divinely multiplied by God’s creative act at the time of infusion into the body, and that each is so united with the body it animates that they form together one autonomous, i.e., self-responsible, individual.” So by God’s decree, you are your own person, unique to the world. You don’t have to subject yourself to the kinds of movies I put myself through.

But if you really want to, there’s a perfect one on tonight.

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: MY SCIENCE PROJECT

My Science Project (1985)

• 
• 

• John Stockwell,
• Fisher Stevens,
• Raphael Sbarge

Faced with not graduating unless he completes his science project, a high school gear-head sneaks into a nearby Air Force base, looking for some gizmo he can pass off as his own invention. What he finds is an alien energy device that rips holes in both time and space, infesting the school with everything from dinosaurs to the Viet Cong. Writer-director Jonathan Betuel tries to mine some of the same veins as Weird Science and Real Genius (all three films were released in 1985) but with less success--mostly due to a slapdash script. The film veers from being The Breakfast Club to WarGames to Rambo, leaping over plot holes all the way. As the hero, John Stockwell is too low-key for his own good, but Danielle Von Zerneck is appealing as his emerging love interest, and Fisher Stevens and Raphael Sbarge do their best to inject some life into the material. Dennis Hopper (as a hippie-dippie science teacher) chews the scenery with gusto--and at one point shows up wearing the costume he wore in Easy Rider. --Geof Miller

53% liked it

PG, 1 hr. 34 min.

Director: Jonathan R. Betuel

 

March 20, 2011: Second Sunday of Lent (Year A)

My Science Project is one of those movies that just seems to fall off of most people’s radar as the years pass. And that’s understandable in a way. As part of the unofficial teenage nerd trilogy of 1985, it’s not as funny as Weird Science or as smart as Real Genius. And the overall tone of the film staggers clumsily from scenes of typical teen movie antics like covering cars in shaving cream to moments where the kids have to gut gladiators and mow down mutants in order to survive.

But for the most part, My Science Project is still pretty enjoyable, due in most part to the cast. John Stockwell as the grease monkey who’s NEVER seen “Jedi” and Danielle von Zerneck as the geek girl who catches him on the rebound come across as natural and underplayed (von Zerneck even looks like a real nerdy girl rather than a pole dancer with a pair of glasses on). Fisher Stevens hams it up as always, but still manages to get some good lines (including my favorite, “I’m so scared, I’m thinkin’ about God!”) And it’s hard to go wrong with Dennis Hopper playing an aging 60s activist turned high school teacher (kind of like half the membership of the NEA) who likes to sniff gas to calm his nerves and eventually goes off on a maniacal rant about becoming one with the space time continuum (kind of like, well… Dennis Hopper).

And really, it’s kind of hard to go wrong with the whole idea of a space-time warp opening up inside a high school. Sure, the movie doesn’t really take full advantage of all the comic opportunities the idea presents (nothing in this film comes close to Bill & Ted’s history presentation we’d get to see just a few years later), but it’s still fun watching the kids have to fight their way through everything from Neanderthal men to Nazis, all culminating in a showdown with a T-Rex which actually looks pretty good for a pre-Jurassic park effect. So all in all, there are worse ways to kill 94 minutes than watching My Science Project.

Now, after the credits roll, if you’ve got a hankering for more stories where space and time get all higgledy-piggledy, then this week’s gospel reading might just pique your interest. This reading from Matthew is, of course, the well known story in which “Jesus took Peter, James, and John his brother, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. And he was transfigured before them; his face shone like the sun and his clothes became white as light. And behold, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, conversing with him.” This is significant because, as the Catechism explains it, “For a moment Jesus discloses his divine glory, confirming Peter's confession [that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God]. He also reveals that he will have to go by the way of the cross at Jerusalem in order to "enter into his glory". Moses and Elijah had seen God's glory on the Mountain; the Law and the Prophets had announced the Messiah's sufferings. Christ's Passion is the will of the Father: the Son acts as God's servant; the cloud indicates the presence of the Holy Spirit. "The whole Trinity appeared: the Father in the voice; the Son in the man; the Spirit in the shining cloud." So all in all, with the Big Three appearing together, and the Law (Moses) and the Prophets (Elijah) in attendance as witnesses, the Transfiguration was officially a pretty big deal.

But unofficially, it gets even better. There’s a theory floating around (and I stress, it’s just a theory) that the Transfiguration might also give us a peak into the transcendent nature of God as it applies to space and time. It goes like this. The book of Exodus tells us that “The LORD used to speak to Moses face to face” and on one particular instance “the glory of the LORD settled upon Mount Sinai” and “the cloud covered it for six days”. Centuries later, the book of 1 Kings relates how the prophet Elijah “walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God” where he was instructed to "go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD; the LORD will be passing by." It was there, after a bit of sound and fury, that Elijah heard the small, still voice of the Lord. More centuries later, the LORD walks up into the mountains, is enveloped by a blinding light and and a cloud, and holds a conversation with Moses and Elijah.

You see where this is going, don’t you? What if, in addition to all the other cosmological wonders surrounding the Transfiguration, we’re also witnessing a warping of time and space? What if the three individual trips to the mountains related in Exodus, 1 Kings, and the Gospels are all really the same event told from different perspectives, even though they’re temporally separated by hundreds of years? It’s just a theory, and there’s absolutely no danger to to our theology or faith if it turns out to be a false one. But if it is true, then what a perfect example of the immensity and incomprehensibility of our vast and mighty God. It’s even cooler than a dinosaur wrecking the school cafeteria.

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: IT!

It! (1967)

• Roddy McDowall,
• Jill Haworth,
• Paul Maxwell

This silly twist on the silent classic Der Golem stars Roddy McDowall as Arthur Pimm, assistant museum curator and would-be Norman Bates who, among other things, preserves the body of his late mother in his home. When Pimm and museum director Grove (Ernest Clark) discover a grotesque statue left intact after a fire at one of the museum storehouses, they transport the stone behemoth to the museum for study. After finding Grove mysteriously crushed to death under the statue, Pimm's curiosity is piqued, leading him to investigate its origins. He discovers that the figure is actually the legendary Golem, an indestructible creature of 16th-century Yiddish myth capable of destroying the enemies of any man who becomes its master. Pimm is eventually able to control the monster with his deranged mind, leading it on a rampage of murder and destruction that devastates half of London [ED. NOTE: In the version I watched, the golem only destroys a single bridge which, I suppose, could have unnerved half of London. – EegahInc]. Aside from McDowall's typically eccentric performance, this stodgy film is a fairly tedious exercise, shambling along more slowly than the monster itself and punctuated only by occasional over-the-top moments, particularly at the laughable climax. Director Herbert J. Leder's earlier horror film The Frozen Dead is much more enjoyable. – AllMovie Guide

70% liked it

Unrated, 1 hr. 35 min.

Director: Herbert J. Leder

March 13, 2011: First Sunday of Lent (Year A)

In chapter one of John Steinbeck’s The Grapes Of Wrath, the author spends about three pages describing the arduous journey of a turtle trying to cross a dusty road in the middle of east bumble Oklahoma. It’s a parable meant to foreshadow the trials and tribulations which the book’s family of migrant workers will encounter as they make the trek to California. Unfortunately, there’s just no escaping the fact that' it’s still three pages about a turtle crossing a road. Three… long… freaking… pages.

Contrast that with Herbert J. Leder’s It! in which there is a sequence where the British army fires a single shell from a bazooka at the unmoving titular monster. When it has no affect, they roll up a tank and try again. After these two (and only two) shots, a newspaper headline is flashed across the screen informing the world that the military has declared the still immobile Golem nigh invulnerable. Immediately following this, Roddy McDowell turns on the radio just in time to hear an announcement declaring that Parliament has approved the decision to drop a nuclear warhead on top of the completely sedentary seven foot tall creature. Not throw some rope around it and try to drag it away or anything else like that, mind you, but to just go ahead and nuke it. By my timing, the entire sequence from bazooka to bomb takes about one minute and twenty-six seconds. Now that’s how you advance a story, Steinbeck, you hack!

And that’s exactly how It! proceeds. For a movie that consists almost entirely of people standing around and talking, the actual plot of It! whizzes along at a breakneck speed. Early in the movie, we get a scene in which it is revealed that the museum’s young assistant curator Arthur is keeping the preserved corpse of his mother in his flat ala Psycho. It’s weird, and I suppose it tells us something about McDowell’s character, but the mum-my never even appears again except for one brief scene near the end. How did Arthur manage to get his mother’s body in this state and how come nobody is aware of her death? Who cares, move on. When Jim, the representative from an American museum, arrives to take possession of the Golem, he invites Arthur and his unrequited love Ellen to lunch. A few scenes later, none of which involve Jim and Ellen, the American announces he is taking both the Golem AND the woman back to the states with him. When did this whirlwind romance take place? Who cares, keep moving. And what about  when Arthur and the Golem break into Ellen’s apartment, rip the whole place apart, and kidnap her? Oh, you missed that part? Well, that’s because the movie NEVER SHOWED IT TO YOU! You only found out because it came up in a conversation between Jim and the police. Who cares, keep moving!

It’s incredible. Almost all of the action in It!, including every single time the Golem kills someone, takes place off-screen. We only learn about the events when someone walks into a room and mentions them. For a horror film, even one on a tight budget, this kind of thing is ridiculous. But you know, in real life, it can be like that sometimes. We humans can get so involved in our day to day routines that we allow things of momentous import to simply pass us by. That’s why one the fraternal mottos of the Knights of Columbus is Tempus Fugit, Memento Mori, or Time Flies, Remember Death. It’s there to remind the Knights that we all are, much like the Golem itself, creatures of “clay”. The Catechism attests to this when it references this week’s first reading. “The biblical account expresses this reality in symbolic language when it affirms that "then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being." And as the Knight’s motto implies, what came from the dust will one day return to the dust. Much too quickly. Just ask Father McGivney, the priest who instituted that oath for the Knights. He died of pneumonia at the age of 36.

There’s a lot going on right now for everyone, from personal problems to literally earth shattering events. But the Lenten season and it’s focus on “dust” behooves us not to let the most important thing in our lives pass us by off-screen. Speaking on an Ash Wednesday in 1996, Pope John Paul II declared that “Today we need to hear the "you are dust and to dust you will return"… so that the definitive truth of the Gospel, the truth about the Resurrection, will unfold before us: believe in the Gospel. On the threshold of Lent, it is necessary that this perspective be opened before us, so that we may believe deeply in the Gospel with all the truth of our mortal existence. We are called to take part in the Resurrection of Christ. For this appeal to resound within us with all its force at the beginning of the Lenten season, let us realize what death means… "You are dust"… "Repent!… Believe in the Gospel"!

NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU: CATHOLIC MEDIA PROMOTION DAY

The day has arrived where everyone with a blog, podcast, or Facebook page is encouraged to list their favorite 3 blogs, 3 podcasts, 3 other media, 3 random Catholic things online. Now, as you can guess by the size of my blog rolls over there, being forced to limit my choices to no more than three seems like something of an injustice, but you gotta do what you gotta do. For my recommendations, I’m going to try and choose those Catholic sites which relate in some way to the themes found here.

BLOGS

Acts Of The Apostasy	We like a good laugh around these parts, and if you want humor, then you’re sort of required to stop by LarryD’s place.
Decent Films	I realize there are some people who actually like to watch so-called good movies, so Steven D. Greydanus’ blog is as good a place as any to find reviews of some from a Catholic perspective.
The Sci-Fi Catholic	D.G.D. Davidson’s site is actually on (permanent?) hiatus while he’s in the seminary and abroad, but you’re bound to find some interesting book and movie reviews in his archives. Just take care not to upset Snuffles.

PODCASTS

The Catholic Laboratory	A podcast and website about the Catholic faith and science. Not mad science, mind you, but good stuff anyway.
A Good Story Is Hard To Find	Julie D from the Happy Catholic and Scott D. Danielson from Rivets and Trees get together and discuss  books from a Catholic perspective. Some of them have spaceships and zombies in them.
St. Irenaeus Ministries	St. Irenaeus Ministries is a center of orthodox Catholic mission and renewal in Rochester, NY offering some of the best audio scripture studies around.

OTHER MEDIA (For this, I’m going with apps for my Android)

iCatholicRadio	Mostly live feeds from EWTN delivered straight to your phone, but that’s not a bad thing.
Catholic One	The interface leaves a little to be desired, but this app gives you a prayer book, a rosary, the liturgy of the hours, the stations of the cross, AND access to the NAB. It’s a pretty good Swiss army knife of a Catholic app.
DivineOffice.org	An excellent audio Liturgy Of The Hours you can download or stream to your phone. Great for those times you’re stuck in the car at prayer time. The Android app is actually still under construction,  but I think they deserve a mention anyway.

Well, that’s my contribution. Be sure to head over to the Wall at Facebook.com/PromoteCatholicism and see what everyone else likes.

INTERMISSION: SHAMELESS PLUG FOR CATHOLIC MEDIA PROMOTION DAY

If by some odd chance you haven’t heard yet, March 15 (tomorrow) is Catholic Media Promotion Day. 

To help spread the word about all the excellent Catholic blogs, podcasts, and other media out there, The Willits from The Catholics Next Door have created a Facebook page over at Facebook.com/PromoteCatholicism and everyone who “likes” that page will be entered to win an iPad2.

Then, on March 15 (again, tomorrow), everyone with a blog, podcast, or Facebook page is encouraged to list their favorite 3 blogs, 3 podcasts, 3 other media, 3 random Catholic things online, and their own projects, and then post the link to their list on the Facebook page.

The nice folks over at Faith & Family Live also suggest the following:

• Go to iTunes and leave positive reviews for your three favorite Catholic podcasts and Catholic apps
  
• Email your family, friends, fellow parishioners and contacts with the good news about your favorite three blogs, podcasts, Catholic media outlets, and three other Catholic “gems” online
  
• Contact your local newspaper and tell them about Catholic Media Promotion Day, sharing the good news about media initiatives that are supporting the work of the Church
  
• As your local parish to list Catholic podcasts, blogs, apps, and other media initiatives, and offer a few great suggestions to help them get started - volunteer to be a “Catholic Media Liaison” for your parish by supplying this information in the bulletin on a regular basis
  
• Consider starting your own blog or podcast and share your faith using Facebook, Twitter and other new media technologies
  
• Pray for all of those involved in Catholic media, that the good news of the Gospel may be spread in new and exciting ways, reaching out to the ends of the earth

So get out there and promote your favorite Catholic media. And if your standards are low enough and you don’t mind people looking at you funny, you can even throw in a plug for this site as well.

THINGS TO COME: THE SMURFS

Satan is real! Watch below for proof…

Good going Neil Patrick Harris, you just destroyed every ounce of good will you had generated with Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

But like I said, Satan is real! The Catechism adamantly declares this truth. “Scripture witnesses to the disastrous influence of the one Jesus calls "a murderer from the beginning", who would even try to divert Jesus from the mission received from his Father.”

Satan is real! Every so often on this blog, we just feel the need to remind folks of that. And trailers like The Smurfs make doing so very very easy.

CUTAWAYS: SHE

Matriarchal barbarian societies. Roving gangs of leper-like mutants. Mad scientists dressed in tutus. Insane monks dedicated to a psychic god of pain. Werewolves in tuxedos. A soundtrack by Motörhead. I tell you, nobody did post-apocalyptic like the 1980s, and not many did it weirder than the 1982 Sandahl Bergman epic She. Oh, don’t believe me? Well then, just take a look at this…

Life’s like that sometimes, isn’t it? You think you’ve hacked away successfully at one problem, only to find it’s actually multiplied instead. Which is my way of saying (as if you didn’t see this coming) that the real world has been interfering with blogging again, hence the small number of posts over the past few weeks. I’ll spare you the whining over the details, but the major problems included issues surrounding my son’s Aspergers and a short stay in the hospital for my wife (she’s fine, I wouldn’t be blogging at all otherwise). But things are hopefully calming down now (oh, sure), and maybe I can get back on track. Which is good, because as long time readers know, my posting here is directly related to my studying of scripture and Church teaching. So if the posting is slacking off, well…

In Father Roderick’s latest podcast over at SQPN, he makes a suggestion for Lent. Along with the “negative” penitential action of giving something up for the season, he suggests also committing to a “positive” action as well. But not just something wishy-washy like “I‘m going to pray more” or some other vague goal. In his opinion, that’s just a recipe for failure. Instead, Father Roderick believes you should be specific, as in “I’m going to pray for 15 minutes every morning when I wake up. Or at least after I make a quick trip to the potty.”

So I think I’m going to take the good father up on his suggestion.  I’m definitely still going to be giving something up for Lent, because as we noted Pope Benedict XVI saying, it is imperative we recapture a spirit of penance in the Church. But I’m also going to commit to a positive action. So starting Sunday, I’m going to see if I can crank out a minimum of three posts a week here over the course of Lent. It’s a specific goal and one that insures I keep my focus on God. Let’s see if I can do it.

Anybody else out there trying something similar to this positive/negative thing?

LIFE’S LIKE A MOVIE: THE FUNHOUSE

Life’s like a movie, write your own ending. Well, that’s what Kermit The Frog sang anyway back when The Muppet Movie first came out. But even though Ol’ Kermie was just a bunch of green felt with some guy’s hand up his posterior, I kind of took his saying to heart anyway. Which means, believe it or not, that this whole mash-up of bad movies, cult cinema, and Catholicism isn’t just some shtick I keep up for the Internet. There are actually plenty of moments during my day to day routine when I find myself viewing life through a pair of stained glass 3-D spectacles as well. And it happens enough that I thought I would share some of those instances where the movies seem to collide with my reality. (I won’t say it’s life imitating art because, let’s face it, you can’t really call too many of the movies I watch “art”.) To get the ball rolling, let’s start with 1981’s The Funhouse.

On the surface, this Tobe Hooper directed creep-fest is just another slasher movie. You’ve got a group of teenagers who attend a local fair and hit on the idea of staying in the funhouse overnight for a bit of sex and drugs (but no rock and roll, they have to keep things quiet, you know). Unfortunately, while roaming about the unusually huge corridors of the ride, the kids inadvertently witness the hideously deformed son of the funhouse’s owner commit a murder. And when the teens accidentally reveal their presence, the father sends his boy to track them down and finish them off. Pretty standard slasher stuff.

What makes The Funhouse rise a little above average for the genre is the setting. Fairs are weird places, or at least they’ve always seemed that way to me. As a kid, I was especially a bit spooked (and fascinated) by the sideshow attractions. You know the ones; the two-headed calf, the tattooed marvel, the double bodied girl. And they were always being incessantly hoisted on you by the amplified voices of barkers calling out “ALIVE, ALIVE, ALIVE!” as you walked by. And if you were there at night, the whole experience was even more dreamlike and surreal thanks to sensual overload of the smells, the lights, and the strange auditory mélange of screams and laughter. The Funhouse captures all of that perfectly and it gives the movie a real visceral sense of place, especially during the scenes where the kids wander the midway amidst booths full of the kind of people your mother warned you about.

Alas, for better or worse, sideshow attractions all but disappeared over the past decade or two. I suppose modern sensibilities just found them too demeaning to man and animal alike. Until this year, that is. This year, as my family walked towards the fairgrounds, my ears were treated to a sound they hadn’t heard for ages. “ALIVE, ALIVE, ALIVE!” And there it was, right as we came through the gate…

For a moment I was a kid again. If only it had been nighttime, the moment would have been perfect. And if only there had been a gigantic lumbering geek in a Frankenstein Monster mask, it could have been a scene right out of The Funhouse. Still, it was great to see the sideshow back. And I’m proud to say my 8-year old son demanded we see the Giant Rat before doing one single thing else at the fair. That’s my boy.

Now, of course, once we paid our admission and went in to take a peek, it goes without saying that we didn’t see the vicious cat-eating creature depicted on the banners. (I love midway art, by the way. One of my most prized coffee table books is Weedon & Ward’s Fairground Art.) No, instead of one of nature’s most fierce killing machines, we got this…

Quite a pleasant looking fellow actually. Now I’m sure some of you good Catholic boys and girls out there recognize this ferocious beast as the capybara, the largest rodent in the world typically found along waterways in South America. But for those of you who aren’t familiar with the capybara, you should become so, because… we get to eat this thing on Fridays during Lent.

As legend has it, approval was given by the Vatican sometime way back when to eat capybaras on days of abstinence because the beasts spend so much of their time in the water that they don’t really qualify as forbidden warm blooded land mammals. (Notice the little guy above has a nice dipping pool right next to him for when he starts to feel dry.) The truth behind that claim, however, is a little fuzzy. An article entitled Personal Narrative of the Travels to the Equinoctial Regions of America During the Years 1799-1804 which appeared in a publication called The Port Folio in 1821 mentions Jesuit missionaries in Venezuela considering the capybaras to be aquatic creatures. And there is supposedly a reference in a 1974 book by Eduardo López de Ceballos in which he claims his great-great-grand-uncle traveled to Italy sometime in the 18th century and obtained a Papal decree declaring the capybara suitable for Lenten tables. Unfortunately, nobody seems to be able to find the decree, so maybe it’s true, maybe it isn’t. Either way, it’s easy to see why folks like Jimmy Akin are skeptical. But Papal decree or no, the standing custom is that during Lent, if you’ve had all the popcorn shrimp from Captain D’s you can stand for one season, then it’s perfectly acceptable to have a capybara burger as a substitute.

Regardless of what you put in your mouth on Fridays during Lent, though, be it a slice of cheese pizza or a slab of giant water rat, the point is to remember why you gave up your regular menu to begin with. As the Catechism reminds us, "The seasons and days of penance in the course of the liturgical year (Lent and each Friday in memory of the death of the Lord) are intense moments of the Church's penitential practice. These times are particularly appropriate for spiritual exercises, penitential liturgies, pilgrimages as signs of penance, voluntary self-denial such as fasting and almsgiving, and fraternal sharing (charitable and missionary works)". Sadly, that “concept of penance, which is one of the fundamental elements of the Old Testament message, is something we have increasingly lost.” Pope Benedict XVI said recently. “People somehow wanted to say only positive things. But the negative things do exist: that is a fact. The fact that one can change and allow oneself to be changed through penance is a positive gift. The early Church viewed it in this way also. It is imperative now really to start over in the spirit of penance.”

In the above trailer for The Funhouse, the voiceover ominously declares the freakish son in the movie to be “not in the image of his father”. But in a certain sense, that’s kind of true of all of us, as our sin deforms our souls and makes us not in the image of our heavenly Father. So maybe this Lent, we can join in with Pope Benedict and put the emphasis of the season back on penance so that we, and the Church as a whole, can experience the conversion of heart we so desperately need in order to conform ourselves to the image of Christ and truly be ALIVE, ALIVE, ALIVE! At least that’s what I’m going to try anyway.

Although I may find some other way than eating rat burgers to do it.