THE B-LIST: QUESTIONABLE MUSICAL MOMENTS #7 – TRANSYLVANIA TWIST

It’s that time of the year. Easter has come and gone, and the new Catechumens have finished their initiation rites and become full fledged members of the Church. They’re all excited. It’s time to get going, time to get out there and set the world on fire for Jesus! They’re ready for some action, aren’t they?

Well, yes and no.

Of course the new Christians should be excited and ready to do their part. But according to the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, “The third step of Christian initiation, the celebration of the sacraments, is followed by the final period of postbaptismal catechesis or MYSTAGOGY. This is a time for the community and the neophytes together (we’re not supposed to leave the newbies alone to fend for themselves during this period) to grow in deepening their grasp of the paschal mystery and in making it part of their lives through meditation of the Gospel, sharing in the Eucharist, and doing works of charity... The neophytes are, as the term “mystagogy” suggests, introduced into a fuller and more effective understanding of the mysteries through the Gospel message they have learned and above all through their experience of the sacraments they have received.”

In his Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation entitled Sacramentum Caritatis, Pope Benedict XVI explains, “In the Church's most ancient tradition, the process of Christian formation always had an experiential character. While not neglecting a systematic understanding of the content of the faith, it centered on a vital and convincing encounter with Christ… A mystagogical catechesis must be concerned with bringing out the significance of the rites for the Christian life in all its dimensions – work and responsibility, thoughts and emotions, activity and repose. Part of the mystagogical process is to demonstrate how the mysteries celebrated in the rite are linked to the missionary responsibility of the faithful. The mature fruit of mystagogy is an awareness that one's life is being progressively transformed by the holy mysteries being celebrated.”

While this may come across like the Church is trying to dampen a new Christian’s enthusiasm for the faith, nothing could be farther from the case. No one should ever try to squelch the emotional high that comes with joining the Church. But as old married folks will tell you, emotions and experience aren’t necessarily the same thing. Sometimes, a marriage can be going through rough times emotionally, and yet be solid as a rock because of the accumulated experience the pair has together. And that’s one of the things mystagogy is preparing the neophytes for, that inevitable time when the ‘honeymoon’ ends, when the explosiveness of the Easter Season gives way to the routines of Ordinary Time and the drudgeries of everyday life renew their assault. It’s during those moments that the time spent during mystagogy experiencing and contemplating the sacramental rites of the Church can really save a person’s faith.

THE B-LIST: FEED ME

At the start of Lent, I made a few commitments. One, as part of the symbolic fasts we all participate in, was to refrain from drinking anything but water (except on Sundays, of course). And I’ve done just that, although half way through my angry taste buds began suggesting that next year I punch myself in the spleen instead. Another one, as suggested on the blog of Fr. Philip Neri Powell, was to offer up any Lenten sacrifices in reparation for the horrific damage done by the priests and bishops who abused children and covered-up the abuse. And I’ve done that as well. That left the final thing, which was to make three posts a week here (I’m a notoriously slow poster) during the Lenten season to help keep my focus on God. By my count, I’m one short. So here’s a last little something before I go silent for the rest of the Easter Triduum.

Since this is Maundy Thursday, the holy day in which we commemorate the Last Supper, it seems fitting to take a look at that event. Like it or not, probably the first image that comes to mind when we think of the Last Supper is the ubiquitous painting by Leonardo DaVinci.

Everybody knows it. That’s why, not too long ago, Battlestar Galactica ran a popular ad campaign based on DaVinci’s work (so popular in fact that it spawned similar rip-offs promos from Lost and The Sopranos). Because of all the symbolism inherent in the original painting, some people spent literally weeks trying to decipher the hidden meanings in this photo.

But the folks at SyFy were hardly the first to utilize the iconographic image. We’ve seen it co-opted time and time again by films over the years, each to their own purpose. Let’s take a look at a few shall we?

Some, like M.A.S.H., had a tinge of seriousness to them…

..while others, like History Of The World, just played it for laughs.

The Dirty Dozen offered a different perspective, but the general idea is still there.

Now you might think Alien is a bit of a stretch…

…but with just a bit of imagination, you can see what they were going for.

And while we never actually  saw this scene in the Star Wars trilogy, it’s pretty much a guarantee that Lucas will CGI it into the Super Fantastic Amazing Special Editions if he thinks there’s a dime to be made from it.

Just what is it about the Last Supper that inspired DaVinci and so many other artists to try and recapture the moment. What is it that still speaks to us so deeply even now? Well, it’s probably way too big of an event to assign just one simple meaning to, but in this year’s sermon for the Holy Thursday Mass of the Last Supper, Pope Benedict touches on one of its most profound aspects.

According to the Pontiff, it’s during the Last Supper that Jesus “prays that all may be one “as you, Father, are in me and I am in you, so that the world may believe” (Jn 17:21). Christian unity can exist only if Christians are deeply united to him, to Jesus. Faith and love for Jesus, faith in his being one with the Father and openness to becoming one with him, are essential. This unity, then, is not something purely interior or mystical. It must become visible, so visible as to prove before the world that Jesus was sent by the Father. Consequently, Jesus’ prayer has an underlying Eucharistic meaning which Paul clearly brings out in the First Letter to the Corinthians: “The bread that we break, is it not a sharing in the body of Christ? Because there is one bread, we who are many, are one body, for we all partake of the one bread” (1 Cor 10:16ff.). WITH THE EUCHARIST, THE CHURCH IS BORN. All of us eat the one bread and receive the one body of the Lord; this means that he opens each of us up to something above and beyond us. He makes all of us one.”

So, in a certain sense, the celebration of Maundy Thursday is the celebration of the beginning of the Church. Or to put it another way, it’s our birthday! A birthday in which we receive the greatest of all gifts in Jesus, and are then instructed to go out and regift Him to others. So happy birthday everyone. And Happy Easter. I’ll see you on the other side.

INTERMISSION: INCREDIBLE COOLNESS ALERT!

Just a quick note because I know some of you out there will be interested. A free audiobook of Lord of the World by Robert Hugh Benson just went live at Librivox. In his article CatholicAuthors.com, Joseph Pearce explains:

Hugh Benson was lauded in his own day as one of the leading figures in English literature, yet today he is almost completely forgotten outside Catholic circles and is sadly neglected even among Catholics. Few stars of the literary firmament, either before or since, have shone quite so brightly in their own time before being eclipsed quite so inexplicably in posterity. Almost a century after his conversion, Benson has become the unsung genius of the Catholic Literary Revival…

The world depicted in Lord of the World is one where creeping secularism and Godless humanism have triumphed over religion and traditional morality. It is a world where philosophical relativism has triumphed over objectivity; a world where, in the name of tolerance, religious doctrine is not tolerated. It is a world where euthanasia is practiced widely and religion hardly practiced at all. The lord of this nightmare world is a benign-looking politician intent on power in the name of "peace," and intent on the destruction of religion in the name of "truth." In such a world, only a small and shrinking Church stands resolutely against the demonic "Lord of the World."

Yeah, I know, sounds like today’s headlines, doesn’t it? But the creepy thing is that Lord of the World was written in 1908. It’s considered one of the first modern dystopias, a genre which is like meat and potatoes around these parts. I mean, come on, in the few short years this blog has been around, I’ve already reviewed the likes of THX-1138, The Blood Of Heroes, Class Of 1999, Cherry 2000, Warrior Of The Lost World, Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes, The Apple, Surf Nazis Must Die, and of course… ZARDOZ! There’s no way I’m passing up a chance to listen to Lord Of The World.

Let me know if some of you listen to it (or have already read it), I’d love to hear your opinions.

CUTAWAYS: SPINAL TAP (DELETED SCENE)

In these days of on demand movie streaming, there’s not a lot of reason to actually buy DVDs anymore. That’s why extras like commentary tracks and behind the scenes documentaries have become such important marketing tools for film companies. And sometimes, the extras are more than worth the cost of the disc. Take for example the deleted scenes from Spinal Tap like this one…

Now why am I bringing up DVD extras. Well, it actually starts with The Happy Catholic. You see, for all my efforts at plugging her book, Julie D. has decided to reward me by… giving me some work to do.

Nah, it’s not really work. It’s only the Why Do I Love Jesus meme, which asks for those who are tagged to share 5 things they “love” about Jesus/or why they love Jesus. As fate would have it, this is actually a meme I got tagged with by dadwithnoisykids way back in the first year of this blog when only a handful of people had yet to find their way here. And in an appropriate coincidence, what with Julie being the queen of quotes and all, my answers came in the form of movie quotations. It went something like this.

As my close friends already know, and what those who visit here shouldn't be surprised by, is that I can rarely make it through a single sentence without a movie reference. So with that it mind, here are my 5 Things I Love About Jesus.

(1) "Have you found Jesus yet Gump?" "I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him sir." - Forrest Gump

I was not raised a Christian (or anything else for that matter). I can count on my fingers the number of times I attended a church service during my pre-adolescent days. But once I finally went looking for God, imagine my surprise to find out that He had been there all along, close by, laying the groundwork for our first official face-to-face meeting. And he did the same thing for each and every member of my family in there own due time. I love Jesus because He's always there, whether we know it or not.

(2) “Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox." - Talladega Nights

In middle school, when I finally became a Christian and started my journey into the Church, my beginners prayers were not what you would call eloquent. It went something like, "Thank you Lord, for everything." I still trot that old prayer out every now and then, although it has a much deeper meaning to me these days as I've come to understand that "everything" doesn't just include the good stuff I've been given. I love Jesus for teaching me to be thankful for everything.

(3) "O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great despair. Yea, admit this kind and decent woman into thy arms of thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he lay us upon the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her a break." "Clark..." "Honey, I'm not an ordained minister; I'm doing my best." - National Lampoon's Vacation

I didn't start out very eloquent as a Christian, and I ain't much better now. I love Jesus because He's able to work with what He's got.

(4) "Ahh, Jesus, I like him very much, but He no help with curveball" "Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?" - Major League

The spiritual journey can be bumpy sometimes. I actually jumped ship from the Church in my late teens and didn't come back for almost two decades. My second (and final) time entering the Church was less emotional and much more intellectual than the first time around. I love Jesus because He let's us ask the hard questions. And He has answers.

(5) "Hey Ray. Do you believe in God?" "Never met him." "Yeah, well I do. And I love Jesus's style, you know." – Ghostbusters

Once you're in, and you're open to it, it can be surprising where the Spirit leads you. Especially when it comes to opportunities to share the faith. Back in the late 90s, right before I started to figure out there was something to this whole organized religion thing, I had developed a rather nasty attitude towards the current crop of high schoolers. I thought they were lost, hopeless, spoiled, arrogant, filthy... well, you get the idea. Basically I couldn't stand to be anywhere within earshot of even one of them. A few years ago the head of religious education at my parish told me she wanted me to work with a group she had discerned I was perfect for. Guess which one? I love Jesus because He's smarter than I am.

Well, that's probably more than dadwithnoisykids was expecting. I would imagine he, along with anyone else who hung on till the end of this, may have a movie quote of their own in mind.

"At no point, in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul." - Billy Madison

Now I could just let it go at that. After all, that’s more than enough of my blabbering to expect any sane person to read. But, you know, it feels kind of like serving you leftovers. So maybe I can dig up one more quote that went unused last time and throw it in as bonus material. It’s the Why Do I Love Jesus meme, the Extended Cut.

(6)“You're problem is you think you're God.” “Well, I've got to model myself after someone.” – Manhattan

I’m in my fifth year of this blog now, with no plans of shutting my mouth any time soon. (Well, no plans of my own, I can’t vouch for anyone else.) There’s just too many bad movies and too much religion left to talk about. But I would imagine, just like in the real world, there have been times when I’ve come across like I know a lot more than I really do. But the truth is I’m still learning this stuff myself and struggling every day to put what I learn to practice. And if I’m to believe the teachings of the Church, there’s no way I’ll ever comprehend it all because God is so infinitely vast. But Jesus, I can know. I love Jesus because, through the simple acts of love and kindness He inspires me to perform for others, He lets me have a small glimpse into the infinite mystery that is God.

Now, the official rules of the meme are that those tagged will tag 5 other bloggers and  provide a link in the comments section here with their name so that others can read there five reasons. But looking around, I see that most of the bloggers I know have already been tagged. So if there’s anyone out there that hasn’t done this already and feels like taking a stab at it, please feel free to do so.

THINGS TO COME: I’M NOT JESUS MOMMY

Well, there seems to be quite a few somewhat Christian themed movies coming out this Summer. There’s Priest on May 13 (Which reminds me, have I pooped on Legion this month?) and Suing The Devil on August 26, but before you can see them, you’ll have to make it through this…

Hey, at least they’re not opening it on Good Friday.

Here’s the official synopsis: The film centers around a human cloning project which takes a turn for the worse with only one cloned pregnancy making it to term, a boy named David. Seven years after David's birth, wars, famine and natural disasters of every kind plague the Earth. As Kimberly struggles to survive, her biggest challenge is raising her son. Strange occurrences surrounding the young boy are only becoming worse and more mysterious. Roger, the head researcher of the cloning project returns to reveal that David was cloned from DNA taken from the Shroud of Turin... from the blood of Christ.

Dom dom dommmmm!

Well, this is hardly the first Jesus cloning movie to come down the pike. Revelation (2001) has the clone being produced from blood taken from the nails used in the crucifixion. Of course, they couldn’t just clone Jesus, they also had to splice his cells together with some DNA from a really eeevil billionaire, thereby creating the antichrist. Oh, and the baby is given to the Vatican who presents it to the world as the second coming. Stupid Catholics.

Oh well, we’ll have to wait and see how the Church fares in this one. Of course, it looks like they’re cribbing notes about the end times from the book of Revelation, so it’s more likely the movie will crap all over Left Behind reading evangelicals if it goes the anti-religious route. But maybe it’ll surprise me and not take that well worn path. And really, there could actually be a benefit from all of these books and movies about cloning Jesus. Maybe they’ll finally convince all of the atheists out there that cloning is a bad idea.

The Church, of course, is against cloning no matter where the cells come from. For one thing, as Sr. Terese Auer points out, “The actual cloning process of dividing the embryo so as to produce a new human being is immoral because it opposes the dignity both of human procreation and of the conjugal union.” Any technique, the Catechism explains, which dissociates the sexual act from the procreative act “is no longer an act by which two persons give themselves to one another, but one that "entrusts the life and identity of the embryo into the power of doctors and biologists and establishes the domination of technology over the origin and destiny of the human person."

And that kind of domination can only lead to trouble. The simple truth is, cloning would be just another step towards the commoditization of the human person. “A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift.” the Catechism reminds us. “The "supreme gift of marriage" is a human person. A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged "right to a child" would lead. In this area, only the child possesses genuine rights: the right "to be the fruit of the specific act of the conjugal love of his parents," and "the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception."

It’d be great if I’m Not Jesus, Mommy managed to slip these issues into the narrative somehow, but I’m not holding my breath. At this point, I’d settle for just about any movie that didn’t depict Christians as raving lunatics. Well except for another one like Legion, which bypassed any depiction of Christians as nutballs and just made God into a homicidal maniac. I poop on Legion yet again.

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: CHILDREN OF THE CORN

Children of the Corn (1984)

• 
• 

• Peter Horton,
• Linda Hamilton,
• R.G. Armstrong

Narrator Job (Robby Kiger) relates the tale of Gatlin, NE, where one day the children, led by a boy preacher named Isaac (John Franklin), rose up and slaughtered all the grown-ups. A few years later, Job and his sister, Sarah (Ammemarie McEvoy), help their friend, Joseph (Jonas Marlowe), try to escape through the cornfields of Gatlin. Meanwhile, Burt Stanton (Peter Horton), a commitment-phobic young doctor, and Vicky Baxter (Linda Hamilton), his frustrated girlfriend, travel through the cornfield-lined roads of Nebraska on their way to Burt's new internship in Omaha. Their car hits Joseph, who appears out of nowhere, but upon examining him, Burt realizes the child's throat was slit before he ever wandered out from the corn. Attempting to locate help, Burt and Vicky turn to gas-station owner Diehl (R.G. Armstrong), who urges the couple to go anywhere but nearby Gatlin to report the murder. Several contradictory street signs later, they arrive in Gatlin anyway, and, befriending Sarah and Joseph, attempt to uncover the mystery behind Isaac's cult and its mysterious deity, known only as He Who Walks Behind the Rows. Stephen King cash-ins flooded the market between the successes of Brian DePalma's Carrie (1976) and Rob Reiner's Misery (1990), many of them, like Children of the Corn, based only loosely on the author's fiction. The original short story appeared in the collection Night Shift. – AllMovie Guide

50% liked it

R, 1 hr. 33 min.

Director: Fritz Kiersch

 

April 17, 2011: Palm Sunday of the Lord’s Passion (Year A)

Let me explain. You see, I spent my teenage years in a relatively small town with only two public high schools, which meant that everyone of a similar age was pretty much familiar with each other. So it was no big deal to go to a movie on a Friday night and see 30 or 40 recognizable faces to sit with. That sounds nice, and it was really, but it could also cause problems. Take Children Of The Corn for example. The movie had barely started and it was working hard to amp up the creep factor. There were shots of desolate wind blown corn fields, and you could tell by the camera movements that something awful was in there, and the soundtrack was ratcheting up the volume of its spooky kids choir, and the guy on screen was nearing panic…

And then it showed some poor mutt running out into the fields and a nice girl named Holly who was sitting a few seats down from me yelled out, “Hey look everybody, it’s a corndog!” That was it, game over. For the next hour and a half it was a total pun war. In the years since I’ve sometimes wondered just how many people we ruined the movie for that evening. But in looking at the film again recently, I don’t know, maybe we did them a favor.

Let’s face it, Children Of The Corn is a stupid movie. Oh, it’s certainly entertaining enough, and even a little eerie at times. There’s no denying that the two guys playing the cult leader Isaac (I love it that he went on to play Cousin It in the Addams Family movies) and the sociopathic Malachai are perfect for their roles. And some scenes like the restaurant massacre and the sudden appearance of the dead boy on the highway work pretty well. But mostly it’s just stupid. At the end of the day, we’re still talking about corn. And no matter how many times you wave a stalk of corn in someone’s face, it’s never going to be that scary. Plus it doesn’t help that the special effects for the dreaded He Who Walks Behind The Rows amount to little more than the same ones they used for the gopher in Caddyshack. And even worse than that, when the child preacher Isaac becomes possessed by He Who Walks Behind The Rows, the only outward sign is the fact that the boy grows a Billy Idol hairdo. Stupid.

So why did something so silly spawn six sequels and a remake? Part of it is probably that these movies are so cheap to make. All you need are some unknown child actors (they don’t even have to be good ones), a corn field (one sequel had nothing but a few rows of corn outside an apartment complex), and a handful of butcher knives (if you can’t afford the knives, then just have the kids stare at people till they drop dead, that works too). But the other reason is that religion can sometimes be creepy, especially to those outside of it. Stephen King’s always been one to wet himself over anything that thumps a bible, and his Children Of The Corn does its best to play off of his, and some other people’s, irrational fear of evangelical Christians.

And in a weird way, that’s okay, because it actually points to something true. Religion should be unnerving to people. Not in the freak show sense we see in the caricatures presented onscreen by the Children Of The Corn, of course, and damn sure not in the caricatures we see presented off screen by people like the Phelp’s clan from Westboro Baptist Church. But rather, religious people should be disturbing in the way we see in this week’s reading describing Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem. As the Pope details it in his new book Jesus Of Nazareth: Holy Week, “People had heard of the prophet from Nazareth, but he did not appear to have any importance for Jerusalem, and the people there did not know him. The crowd that paid homage to Jesus at the gateway to the city was not the same crowd that later demanded his crucifixion… When he entered Jerusalem, all the city was stirred… Now the people were ‘quaking’: the word that Matthew uses, eseisthe (seio), describes the vibration caused by an earthquake.” In other words, the one's cheering Jesus’ arrival and waving around those palm leaves are the ones who had already been traveling with him and believed in his messiahship, and their fervor is such that it unnerves the general populace who had little knowledge of the Lord.

It’s an image that should give us cause to examine our own Catholic faith. The Catechism tells us that Jesus, through the Eucharist, “is the sum and summary of our faith: "Our way of thinking is attuned to the Eucharist, and the Eucharist in turn confirms our way of thinking.” Does such a radical way of thinking translate into a real excitement for God once communion is over? And is our faith so passionate that it actually causes tremors in the culture once we walk outside the doors of our churches ? Well, we all know what the answer should be, don’t we? It’s just a matter of making it happen.

Preferably without all the corn and butcher knives.

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: I WALKED WITH A ZOMBIE

I Walked With a Zombie (1943)

• 
• 

• Tom Conway,
• Frances Dee,
• James Ellison

RKO producer Val Lewton seemed to thrive upon taking the most lurid film titles and coming up with pocket-edition works of art. Saddled with the studio-dictated title I Walked With a Zombie, Lewton, together with scripters Curt Siodmak and Ardel Wray, concocted a West Indies variation on Jane Eyre. Trained nurse (Frances Dee) travels to the tropics to care for Christine Gordon, the wife of seemingly abusive Tom Conway. At first, Dee merely believes her patient to be comatose. But as the drums throb and the natives behave restlessly, Dee tries to bring her patient back to life by jungle magic. Conway is racked with guilt, believing himself responsible for his wife's condition; his guilt is stoked by Conway's drunken brother James Ellison, who has always loved Gordon. Utilizing very limited sets and only a handful of extras, director Jacques Tourneur manages to evoke an impression of an expansive tropical island populated at every turn by voodoo worshippers. Many of the sequences, notably Frances Dee's first languid stroll into the midst of the native ceremonies, have an eerie dream-like quality that pervades even the most worn-out, badly processed TV prints of I Walked With Zombie. – AllMovie Guide

73% liked it

PG, 1 hr. 9 min.

Director: Jaques Tourneur

 

April 10, 2011: Fifth Sunday of Lent (Year A)

So what do you get when you mix together a miniscule budget, some second tier actors, and a corny exploitative title. Well, according to Martin Scorsese and a host of others, you get one of the best horror films ever made. And I’m certainly not going to be the one to argue with them. Even if I Walked With A Zombie had nothing else to offer but the oft cited scene in which nurse Betty walks her catatonic patient through a field of sugar cane at night while the wind whispers through the stalks and voodoo drums sound in the distance, it would still be one of those movies that sticks with you long after you watch it.

Fortunately, I Walked With A Zombie has a lot more going for it than just one iconic moment. Other memorable parts include Betty coming upon the ghastly pale Jessica for the first time as she wanders mindlessly through the dark corridors and Betty’s confrontations with the off kilter Calypso singer whose song lyrics would be more fitting for a Greek chorus. But it’s not all just imagery either. The characters feel real and layered, the script is extra smart, and Jacques Tourneur’s direction keeps the whole affair in a slightly dreamlike state where you’re never quite sure what is fact and what is fiction.

Really, about the only thing I Walked With A Zombie is missing is an actual zombie. Oh sure, there MIGHT be one, maybe even two or more. But again, you’re never told one way or the other. Still, even though you are left with doubts about whether or not Jessica is truly dead, there can be no doubt that she is absolutely lifeless. In fact, though Jessica is by far the worst off, all of the occupants of the Gordon plantation appear to exist in various states of half life as a result of their less than honorable relationships with one another. It’s only the island’s other inhabitants, the deeply religious voodoo worshipers, who seem vigorous and alive. And it’s only when Betty begins to bring the two groups together that the Gordons begin to show signs of life again. At least those for whom it’s not too late.

In a sense, because of the way they have systematically murdered each other’s spirits with their actions, The Gordons are suffering something akin to what God’s people experience in this week’s readings. In the verses leading up to the first reading from Ezekiel, their long captivity having “killed” their spirits, we hear the Israelites cry out to God, "Our bones are dried up, our hope is lost, and we are cut off." They have become the living dead. The reading from Romans takes up this imagery, but rather than talking about physical imprisonment, Paul is referring to the soul crushing captivity of sin that leaves the body in motion but the spirit in the tomb."

And it’s not just irreligious people like the Gordons  who are susceptible to this state of being. As Fr. Philip Neri Powell, OP points out in his homily for this week, there are plenty of Catholic Zombies walking amongst us! “Otherwise normal looking, normal sounding Catholics who shamble around in their living bodies without a living spirit. What animates them, what gives them the appearance of being alive is uncertain. What is certain is that they are truly dead, and that their bodies are a walking grave. What can be done for these poor spiritless creatures? They must be freed from what binds them to the grave; freed from the walking death of sin… The Catholic Zombie virus is deadly. It can kill the spirit of Christ in us and leave us to walk among the living and the dead. The best treatment is prevention. Personal prayer, the sacraments, good works, and holy reading. But none of these are effective without a firm belief in the Christ, a willingness to obey his commands, and the good habit of hoping upon the resurrection. If you are dead inside, take heart, b/c the Lord has promised, “O my people, I will open your graves and have you rise from them. . . I will put my spirit in you that you may live. . .thus you shall know that I am the LORD. I have promised, and I will do it, says the LORD.”

So the next time you’re at mass, take care, because you too may be walking with a zombie. Just make sure the zombie isn’t you.

LIFE’S LIKE A MOVIE: FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE FINAL CHAPTER

So there I am coasting along through the North Georgia Mountains on one of those roads where it’s sheer cliff on one side and long plummeting death on the other when I round a particularly sharp curve and see this…

Blood Mountain Cabins. Who in their right mind is going to stay in a cabin at a place named Blood Mountain? Especially when I notice, as I stop to take a picture of this foreboding sign, that there is absolutely no cell phone signal where I am. That’s right. Blood Mountain, campground, no cell phone signal, less than 20 miles from where Deliverance was filmed. Yeah, you know what I’m thinking, don’t you?

Ki, ki, ki, ma, ma ma.

And to make matters worse, after I got back home, I looked Blood Mountain up and found this on the Historical Marker Database, “In Cherokee mythology the mountain was one of the homes of the Nunnehi or Immortals, the “People Who Live Anywhere,” a race of Spirit People who lived in great townhouses in the highlands of the old Cherokee Country… Before the coming of white settlers, the Creeks and Cherokees fought a disastrous and bloody battle in Slaughter Gap between Slaughter and Blood Mountains.”

So, yeah, Blood Mountain, campground, no cell phone signal, less than 20 miles from where Deliverance was filmed… AND location where Indian spirit people died. Seriously. And from the looks of it, if you end up having to run away from BLOOD Mountain, you’ll most likely just end up on neighboring SLAUGHTER Mountain. Unbelievable. Staying there would just be asking for it, wouldn’t it? You’d have to be like those dummies in the later Friday The 13th movies who just keep coming back to Crystal Lake to party even though the morgues in the area are practically overflowing with Jason’s victims.

You can understand the kids in Part 2 because the headless Mrs. Voorhies is about as dead as you can get. And you can kind of forgive the kids in Part 3 because Jason has only just gotten started. But by Part 4 (The Final Chapter), any kid who plans on spending the Summer at Crystal Lake drinking, taking drugs, and engaging in pre-marital sex may as well just go ahead and stab themselves 6 or 7 times before they leave the house. At least they’d save themselves the gas money it would’ve taken to get there.

Look, everybody makes bad choices, and being stupid, while not desirable, is not a sin in and of itself. But willful ignorance is, as St. Thomas Aquinas so eloquently explains in the Summa. “It is clear that not every kind of ignorance is the cause of a sin, but that alone which removes the knowledge which would prevent the sinful act. …This may happen on the part of the ignorance itself, because, to wit, this ignorance is voluntary, either directly, as when a man wishes of set purpose to be ignorant of certain things that he may sin the more freely; or indirectly, as when a man, through stress of work or other occupations, neglects to acquire the knowledge which would restrain him from sin. For such like negligence renders the ignorance itself voluntary and sinful, provided it be about matters one is bound and able to know.”

Now obviously the concept of willful ignorance can be applied broadly to any situation where a person ignores evidence that appears to contradict his or her preconceived notions (modern politics seems practically overrun with willful ignorance), but in Church terms, it specifically means the purposeful darkening of the intellect so it doesn’t interfere with any sinning. The term is usually associated with those people in the Church who don’t take the time to educate themselves in their own faith, i.e. those who know the Church has something to say about masturbation, but aren’t really going to listen to what it is because they feel it’s none of the Church’s business and, well… they just like it.

Most likely, we’ve all engaged in willful ignorance at some point in our lives. But take it from the unlucky visitors to Crystal Lake (154 and counting), it’s something to be avoided. The end results just aren’t worth it.

SHORT FEATURTE: GAME DEATHS

After listening to The Catholic Warthog continue his discussion on the questionable viewing habits of kids in the 80s and 90s (in which he includes a bit of confessional feedback from some dopey guy who blogs about bad movies and Catholicism), I couldn’t help reminiscing just a tad. You know, it wasn’t just the movies we watched that were at times age inappropriate. Generation X also has the dubious honor of ushering in the era of violence filled video games. Oh sure, the head bashing and bullet riddling is much more photorealistic these days, but even with just 8-bits to work with, I’d say the blood flowed quite freely enough back then…

Most of us have probably never really given too much thought to all those thousands of tiny little deaths we’ve experienced over the years inside our digital playgrounds. They just don’t seem to have any consequence. But there is something similar to them in our spiritual lives that can ultimately have a real and everlasting affect.

The wages of sin is death, or so I’ve heard. But venial sins, those wrongful actions and choices that don’t immediately separate us from God, are in a way like the endless fatalities we undergo while gaming. We can commit thousands of venial sins and never really die in the spiritual sense. And because of that, we might be tempted to dismiss them from our minds in the same way we quickly forget the upteenth time we bit the dust while trying to reach Donkey Kong at the top of the screen.

The problem with that is, as the Catechism points out, “Sin creates a proclivity to sin; it engenders vice by repetition of the same acts. This results in perverse inclinations which cloud conscience and corrupt the concrete judgment of good and evil. Thus sin tends to reproduce itself and reinforce itself… Deliberate and unrepented venial sin disposes us little by little to commit mortal sin.” And that’s why, “Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit.”

So you can see, while we don’t want to concentrate on every single self fault to the point of scrupulosity, we shouldn’t be so quick to hit replay either the next time a venial sin slips by.

INTERMISSION: THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE

Well, he rang twice the other day at any rate. Okay, so he didn’t really ring, he just kind of left stuff laying in front of the door. And it wasn’t really the postman both times, once it was the UPS guy. And the first he was actually a she. Look, if I wanted to be a literalist, I would have stayed with the Free Will Baptists, okay? The point is, it was quite a haul.

Now, as I feel compelled to point out every now and then, I do actually read. In between movies, of course. And the recent batch of books which showed up on my doorstep goes a long way towards showing that my online persona is pretty much who I am in real life.

First up, there’s the Pope’s latest installment of Jesus of Nazareth which I’m going to do my best to finish over what’s left of Lent. And if I can keep up, I’ll probably try and participate in the discussion of the book which will hopefully be getting under way over at the Catholic Bibles blog.

Then there’s my brand new, personally autographed copy of Happy Catholic by blogger turned print author Julie Davis. Feel free to get yours here. (And no, the autograph was not made out to EegahInc. That’s my corporation name, so the only signatures I prefer to receive under that name are on checks.)

And last but not least, there’s Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator by Katrina Fabian. Ms. Fabian, as you may remember, is one of the editors of the Infinite Space, Infinite God anthology series which features science fiction stories featuring Catholic heroes. Now I don’t know yet if Neeta Lyffe is Catholic in any way, but I’m pretty sure the other two books have that covered in spades, so even if it’s just some simple gut munching fun, that’s fine with me.

So there you go. Popes, bloggers, and zombies. That about sums me up.

THE B-LIST: QUESTIONABLE MUSICAL MOMENTS #6 – MAC AND ME

Most everyone who has seen Mac And Me agrees that the people behind the film should be put down like the sick animals they are, for their own good and the good of the whole world. Not only is the movie a blatant lawsuit-worthy rip off of E.T., but to try and drag even more sympathy out of the viewers, the filmmakers decided to make the main kid who befriends the alien crippled. And don’t even get me started on the product placement. I’ve seen commercials with less product placement than Mac And Me. Take for example this completely WTF scene in which the kids take the god-awful hideous alien (way to frighten the children who make up your target audience, guys), who is mercifully disguised in a bear suit (sorry Nick Cage, Mac And Me did it first), down to the local McDonalds where an impromptu dance scene breaks out. Because, you know, if you’re going to make your lead character crippled, you darn sure better include a dance number, right?

And before you ask, no, I have no idea what the ambiguously gay football players are doing there either?

Look, I’m only bringing up Mac And Me because it’s Lent. And as Pope Benedict XVI explained in his Lenten address this year, “The Lenten period is a favorable time to recognize our weakness and to accept, through a sincere inventory of our life, the renewing Grace of the Sacrament of Penance, and walk resolutely towards Christ.” And in performing an inventory of my life, I’ve had to face the fact that I’ve done some really bad things. Including way back in 1988, when as the assistant manager of a movie theater, I made people pay good money to see Mac And Me. I’m so sorry. If any of you are by any chance reading this, please forgive me. I promise, I’ll never do anything like that again.

Whew, I’m glad that’s off my shoulders. Now I can, as His Holiness suggests, continue that “journey of conversion towards Easter [which] leads us to rediscover our Baptism” so that we may “renew our acceptance of the Grace that God bestowed upon us at that moment, so that it may illuminate and guide all of our actions.” I feel so much better now. You know, maybe all of you should take a moment this Lent to inventory your lives as well.

Just don’t expect the process to be pretty.

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: APRIL FOOL’S DAY

April Fool's Day (1986)

• Jay Baker,
• Pat Barlow,
• Lloyd Berry

April Fool's Day just happens to be the birthday of rich college student Buffy (Deborah Foreman), so she invites a group of friends from Vassar over to her family's island getaway to spend the weekend partying. Though some practical-joke shenanigans on the ferry over from the mainland lead to unexpected bloodshed and put a damper on the festivities, Buffy unleashes a flood of more benign pranks on her guests, setting a tone of giddy abandon. With plenty of randy guys and gals on hand and no parental supervision, it isn't long before drunken escapades ensue. As the weekend progresses, however, guests begin to disappear mysteriously, and before long Buffy and friends find themselves huddling in terror in their remote getaway. The next ferry isn't due until Monday, and the partygoers aren't sure whether any of them will make it that long. The mostly Canadian cast of April Fool's Day includes Leah King Pinsent, daughter of actor/director Gordon Pinsent, and Amy Steel, a veteran of the second and fourth Friday the 13th installments. – AllMovie Guide

48% liked it

R, 1 hr. 29 min.

Director: Fred Walton

 

April 3, 2011: Fourth Sunday of Lent (Year A)

One of the nice things about all of the holiday themed slasher movies is that at least you can schedule ahead what you’re going to watch on certain days. Halloween, My Bloody Valentine,Graduation Day, you’ve pretty much got a full calendar. But, April Fool’s Day? Is that really a day which inspires terror? Well, let’s see. According to the April Fools website, “The history of April Fool's Day or All Fool's Day is uncertain, but the current thinking is that it began around 1582 in France with the reform of the calendar under Charles IX. The Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved from March 25 - April 1 [new year's week] to January 1. Communication traveled slowly in those days and some people were only informed of the change several years later. Still others, who were more rebellious refused to acknowledge the change and continued to celebrate on the last day of the former celebration, April 1. These people were labeled "fools" by the general populace, were subject to ridicule and sent on "fool errands," sent invitations to nonexistent parties and had other practical jokes played upon them.”

Soooo, wacky hijinks played on unsuspecting dupes.  Not really all that frightening. Ah, but what if the pranks involved stabbings and hangings and decapitations? That might work a little better, wouldn’t it? At least that’s what Paramount Pictures was probably thinking when they churned out April Fool’s Day as a companion to their Friday The 13th series. Unfortunately, by 1986, slashers were headed on their way out, so I guess audiences just weren’t that interested and the movie flopped. And that’s too bad, because a lot of people missed what turned out to be a really fun movie.

Mostly it’s the cast that makes up the band of college buddies which is the main appeal of April Fool’s Day. Deborah Foreman (Valley Girl, My Chauffeur) is pretty much likable any moment she’s on screen (even when she’s totally creepy swishing a  big butcher around), Amy Steel once again proves she’s one of the best final girls in film, and the rest of the relatively unknowns come across as people you might actually have known in school rather than just a bunch of stereotypes waiting in line to be slaughtered.

There’s just something irresistible about the mixture of comedy and horror when it’s done right, like say in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein or Evil Dead II. (On the flipside, there’s something atrocious when it’s done wrong, like in the inexecrable Scary Movie franchise.) And it’s done pretty well in April Fool’s Day, albeit much more low key than Bruce Campbell fighting his own hand. And it’s not just because the titular holiday allows for a bunch of practical jokes (exploding cigars, dribble glasses, whoopee cushions, fake eyeballs hanging out of their sockets), but because the script breezes along with a lightheartedness that’s atypical of the genre. Yes, there might be (and I stress “might be”) stabbings and hangings and decapitations, but the movie never really focuses on them like a Friday The 13th or New Years Evil does. (In fact, almost all of the gore was edited out before the movie was even released.) Instead, April Fool’s Day concentrates on the Ten Little Indians style mystery and, better yet, the seriocomic interactions between the group of friends.

There’s a similar mixture of giggles and gravitas in this week’s first reading where the prophet Samuel is sent to the house of Jesse to anoint Israel’s next king. This was a momentous and weighty occurrence since the pouring of olive oil over the head of the chosen one basically signified that individual as God's representative. The humor comes in the fact that Samuel wasn’t actually told beforehand who he was supposed to be looking for. So when Jesse’s hulking oldest son Eliab comes lumbering in from the fields, Samuel takes a look at the guy (whom I’ve always pictured as a Lil’ Abner type) and assumes he must be the one. But God says no. The next six sons are shot down in similar fashion. It’s only when Samuel runs out of people to choose from that Jesse up and admits he has one more kid so puny and unimpressive that he didn’t even bother to call him in to meet the prophet. That son was, of course, David, and upon the boy’s entrance, God informs Samuel that this is the one to be anointed.

You get the impression that everyone feels like they’re being punked. You can almost hear the voice in their heads asking, “What, this kid? Is this April Fool’s Day or something?” And it’s hardly the last time David would garner that reaction either. Even the giant Goliath couldn’t stop from laughing himself silly the first time he saw the boy. Well, at least until that rock beaned him in the skull anyway. The point is, God’s choices aren’t always the obvious ones. In fact, as the stories of the Saints often remind us, it’s the least likely people that God can make the most use of. Speaking to the youth of England in 2010, Pope Benedict XVI assured them that “ No one who looks realistically at our world today could think that Christians can afford to go on with business as usual, ignoring the profound crisis of faith which has overtaken our society, or simply trusting that the patrimony of values handed down by the Christian centuries will continue to inspire and shape the future of our society… Each of us has a mission, each of us is called to change the world, to work for a culture of life, a culture forged by love and respect for the dignity of each human person… Be open to his voice resounding in the depths of your heart: even now his heart is speaking to your heart… Ask our Lord what he has in mind for you! Ask him for the generosity to say ‘yes!’ Do not be afraid to give yourself totally to Jesus. He will give you the grace you need to fulfill your vocation.” And that’s no joke.