PULP CATHOLICISM #001

February will mark the beginning of my 7th year here at the B-Movie Catechism (I guess you can get away with anything on the Internet these days), and up until now, I haven’t really felt compelled to subject anyone to my somewhat dubious drawing skills. Well, your luck has finally run out. Since as of late my son has been pushing me to pick up my pens again, I thought why not go ahead and make everybody suffer for it? So from now on, every Wednesday (within reason), I plan on giving you all a glimpse into some of the oddball ideas that bounce around my fevered brain during my religious studies. Now as the above panel shows, Pulp Catholicism isn’t necessarily going to be all movie related like the rest of the site, but I think the general weirdness of the exercise will fit in fine here anyway. (Besides, the thought of trying to start a new website just to have some place to post my doodles makes me tired.) I hope some of you out there enjoy these. I’m a little rusty, though, so go easy on me.

SHEENAZING!!!

Apparently when Tor and his pal first heard the word SHEENAZING, they thought if they yelled it loud enough they’d turn into Captain Marvel. But as it turns out, Sheenazing is the name of the blogger awards being handed out by Bonnie over at A Knotted Life in honor of the Venerable Fulton J. Sheen, a fellow she rightfully concludes was “amazing at using the newest forms of media to communicate the beauty of the Catholic Church and his love of Christ to the world.”

In what will surely be written off as a moment of madness, the B-Movie Catechism has been nominated in the categories of Best Underappreciated Blog, Best Blog by a Catholic Man, and (no, really) Smartest Blog. So if you’re feeling slightly mad yourself (Norman Bates claimed we all go a little mad sometimes), why not drop by A Knotted Life for the Sheenazing Blogger Awards and cast a vote for one of your favorites. Although let’s be honest, we all know it’ll probably be for the Bad Catholic, because really, who stands a chance against that kid in a blogging contest.

COMING ATTRACTIONS: GARGOYLES

With all the holiday hoopla and church events over the past month, we haven’t had a proper movie review in a good while. That’s probably not a good thing for a movie related site. So, sometime during the next week or so, keep a look out for the user requested review of the 1972 TV movie classic, Gargoyles! There’s no trailer, but this scene should give you a good feel for what the film is about…

OUTTAKES #044

The stills used come courtesy of the utterly ridiculous Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster (1965).

(MARCH FOR) LIFE DECISIONS

I know what you’re thinking. What could this picture of the murderous mascot from the 1984 slasher film Girls Nite Out possibly have to do with the 2013 March For Life in Atlanta yesterday? sTICK WITH ME, It’ll become obvious in a minute.

First off though, thanks to everybody who offered their prayers of support for the march, it was much appreciated. As usual it was pretty much standing room only for the pre-march rosary and mass at the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. I can tell I’m getting older because kneeling on those wooden floors in the back is hurting just a tad bit more each year. Still, a few sore knees are worth it to see the building overflowing with people enthusiastic for the cause. But better yet, while I couldn’t find any official numbers, I’m pretty sure the crowd at the march itself topped last year’s by at least a thousand. Whether that means we’re slowly winning the argument or just that more folks are willing to show up when it’s not pouring down rain I don’t know, but the increased attendance was gratifying no matter the reason.

However, also in attendance were about six or seven  (seriously, a whole whopping six or seven) counter-protesters, including what has become an almost ubiquitous sight at any event involving abortion… two women dressed in vagina costumes. I gotta tell you, there’s nothing like walking out of a 140 year old Catholic shrine after mass with the Archbishop and making your way down a few blocks to where a frazzled looking woman dressed in a saggy vagina outfit stands on a street corner and screeches into your face that she is not an incubator.

In all honesty, my first quick thought was that I kind of missed coming to downtown Atlanta every day to go to college like I used to back in the day, because you just don’t get this kind of quality crazy in the suburbs.

But my second thought was… I just felt bad for these women. Not a shred of anger at all, just pity. Look, I know I made terrible decisions in my youth, some directly related to my presence on that corner yesterday, but what series of life choices do you have to make that results in your winding up on a public street in your middle age, dressed up like a mascot for Team Lady Parts, cheering on the destruction of human life? As much as I wanted to work up a little indignation and find evil in their faces, all I could really see was someone so lost that it just made me incredibly sad. So, despite the fact that they think I’m Hitler and it’s the last thing they’d ever want me to do for them, these ladies are now in my prayers. Outside of maybe offering some fashion advice, I just don’t know what else to do for them.

CUTAWAYS: SUPERMAN II – GUILTY!

Is there anybody who reads this blog who doesn’t know this clip by heart?

What brought this scene to mind was a sobering statistic I ran into over at Servant and Steward which noted that while approximately 133,115,440 children have been born in the U.S.A. since the Roe v. Wade decision in 1973, another 55,000,000 have been aborted. That means almost 30% of all the pregnancies in this country over the past 40 years have been terminated before being carried to term. God have mercy us for what we have allowed to happen.

You know, the number 40 appears a lot in the Bible, sometimes used to enumerate a period of trial and testing (Jesus in the desert, Elijah at Mount Horeb), but most often it’s used as a means to express the length of time of a probationary period for the nation of Israel. In fact, the Bible lists at least 15 instances where God gave the Israelites 40 years to prove they had repented and returned to Him after losing their way, from the 40 years spent wandering in the wilderness after leaving Egypt to the many instances of 40 years worth of humiliation and servitude under various enemy nations. Now I have no idea if the 40 years this country has spent suffering under the effects of Roe v. Wade represents a probationary period for us or not. But as they come to a close, I fear His verdict either way.

I’ll be at the March For Life in Atlanta tomorrow. As the march almost always occurs in the middle of a work week, it’s usually sparsely attended compared to some of the others around the country, maybe 2000 people or less. But we’ll do what we can to be seen (not heard, the Atlanta march is always silent save for a few murmured rosaries) anyway. For those in Georgia, please join us if you can. Heck, if you’re in the North Fulton/Forsyth area and want to catch a ride to MARTA, drop me a note and let me know and I’ll give you directions to my parish where a bunch of us are leaving at 7:15am to head down for the pre-march mass. As for everybody else, please attend your own local marches if you can or at least aid us with your prayers, whatever your situation allows. 40 years. God have mercy on us all.

LIFE’S LIKE A MOVIE: THE SIMPSONS

Okay, so this is actually a scene from The Simpsons television show and not the movie, but hey, blogger’s privilege or something like that. Anyway, I don’t know about all of you out there who probably have perfect families, but as for me… well, something came up recently that reminded me how much, even though I love my own brood with every fiber of my being, I can’t help sometimes but feel like poor old Homer does in this clip…

The Simpsons _ Family From Hell by hulu

And I’m sure they feel the same way about me sometimes. Maybe lots of times.

Now what brought this clip to mind was a conversation I had earlier this week with a fellow Christian who up until recently had never had any real trouble with his children. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he and his wife have had to put up with all the typical things parents have to deal with; the disobedience, the disrespect, the unearned arrogance, the odors… you know, the usual stuff. But now one of their children has begun engaging in activity that lies squarely in mortal sin territory and it has them pretty shaken up. You see, by his own admission, they’ve always held themselves up as a family to emulate, one for others to look at and see how good their own children could turn out if they just raised them with the same strong Christian values found in my friend’s household. But now…

I’m just guessing, but I suppose he felt comfortable discussing this situation with me because I’ve talked with him in the past about some of the difficulties my own family has gone through. We’re Christians, you know, we help one another, or at least listen to one another, when stuff like this happens. And if we’re smart, we also try to discern what God may want us to learn from these types of trials. For my acquaintance, who has always been the one driving off into the clouds with his picture perfect family, he sees his present difficulties as an opportunity to learn some humility and maybe rethink what Christianity does and does not promise you in this life. And as for me, the guy who rarely gets to drive off into the sunset, well… I’m human, so I’ll admit that for just a moment I had a feeling of smug satisfaction over Mr. Perfect’s dilemma. Let him see how the other half feels. But thank God it lasted for no more than a second, because we’re talking about a soul in danger here, and there’s no taking pleasure in that no matter which car that person happens to drive off in.

So if you get a moment, maybe you could say a prayer for my friend and his child as they go through this rough period. After all, when it comes to who needs God in their lives, everybody is one of us.

TINSELTOWN TESTAMENTS

MATTHEW 10: 29-31

Douay-Rheims Version: “Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? And not one of them shall fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: better are you than many sparrows.”

Revised Standard Version: “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's will. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.”

New American Bible: “Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

The Incredible Shrinking Man: “All this vast majesty of creation, it had to mean something. And then I meant something, too. Yes, smaller than the smallest, I meant something, too. To God, there is no zero."

THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS: DAY 12: LINUS (OF COURSE)

What, like we were gonna have twelve straight days of Christmas related clips without including this classic scene from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.

For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord… That's what Christmas is all about. Joy to the world, the Lord has come.

Now we all know why Jesus was born. As the Catechism plainly states, “The Word became flesh for us in order to save us by reconciling us with God, who "loved us and sent his Son to be the expiation for our sins.” But oddly enough, right after that, it also lists three other reasons for the Incarnation. “The Word became flesh so that thus we might know God's love,” “The Word became flesh to be our model of holiness,” and “The Word became flesh to make us partakers of the divine nature." Which raises an interesting (completely speculative) question. If our original parents had not sinned in the garden of Eden, would we even be celebrating a Christmas season, would the Incarnation have been necessary? St. Thomas Aquinas seems to have suggested In his Summa that the answer is no, however, Bl. John Duns Scotus argued otherwise. In short, Dominicans: No, Franciscans: Yes.

Since we’re just speculating, as much as I love me some Aquinas, I think I’d go with Scotus this time. The simple fact is that the Catechism does list those other reasons along with redemption. And even if you were to take away reason one, the other points still stand on their own. Fall or no fall, God and man have different natures, so there’s no way man could be united with God until his nature was united to the nature of God through Jesus. Also, it would be pretty hard for Jesus to be our model of holiness if he never became flesh. And as for becoming flesh so that we might know God's love… well, He could have just lorded over us, but instead the word of God, the firstborn of all creation, the one for whom all things were created through and for… chose to become as one of us so that He could not only walk with us as He did with Adam and Eve, but among us as one of us. I’d say that’s an act of love.

And THAT’S what Christmas is all about.

THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS: DAY 11: THE LITTLE BOY THAT SANTA CLAUS FORGOT

Well, Christmastime is almost over. We’ll have to wait another year for all the decorations and candy canes and radio stations incessantly playing secular Christmas carols. For some reason though, despite the fact that it never once mentions the baby Jesus, you never seem to hear this old classic on the radio anymore…

I don’t know, maybe the programmers have it in their mind that people don’t want to listen to that kind of stuff while they’re out tracking down Furbys and what not. But I don’t believe that. After all, there’s a reason the Salvation Army raises up to 70% of its total annual income during its Christmas kettle campaign. People really don’t mind being reminded to be charitable at this time of year. “Mankind is a great, an immense family. noted Pope John XXIII, “This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas.”

That’s why it’s appropriate on this 11th day of Christmas that we honor St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, the first native-born citizen of the United States to be canonized a saint. Among her achievements was the opening of the first American parish school, the establishment of the first American Catholic orphanage, and the founding of the first American religious community for women, the Sisters of Charity, a branch of the worldwide congregation of women devoted to corporal and spiritual works of mercy. And she did all of that while raising five children alone after her husband went bankrupt and died of tuberculosis.

It’s okay to feel inadequate in comparison, I know I do. But fortunately we don’t have to do it all ourselves these days. According to the list of largest charities as determined by Forbes, if you add up all the groups associated with the Catholic Church (Catholic Charities, Food for the Poor, Catholic Relief Services, St. Jude's, et al), you’ll find the Church is by far the largest charitable organization not just in the States, but on the planet. So let’s remember to chip in our share to keep it that way throughout the year and maybe this time next year there’ll be a lot less reasons to have a song like The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot.

THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS: DAY 10: WARLOCK

In an article entitled The Nightmare After Christmas, Jason Dietz of Metacritic speculates on why movies released in January are generally so awful. He speculations include such notions as people are still trying to catch up on the blockbuster Christmas releases (ala The Hobbit) and aren’t looking to buy tickets for anything new, that January is too far away from awards season to release anything of substance, and the simple fact that a month full of blizzards tends to discourage moviegoers from leaving the house. But is it true, are movies that come out in January really so wretched? Well, let’s think about that. Past Januaries have given us such shining monuments to filmmaking as Bloodrayne, Alone In The Dark, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Elektra, Spice World, oh, and this…

So yeah, it’s probably safe to say that January has earned its reputation as the month bad movies go to in order to die a quick death at the box office. But hey, good movie, bad movie, those are just labels as far we’re concerned here at The B-Movie Catechism. What matters is if they entertain or not, and if the trailer didn’t already clue you in, Warlock entertains in bucket loads. How could anyone resist Julian Sands chewing up the scenery as a time displaced 17th century warlock running around in late 80s clothing. And just look at all those cheesy non-CGI animated effects. Plus, you have to admit that the MacGuffin in the movie is somewhat original. Sands goal is to locate the three sections of The Grand Grimoire (a real book full of incantations for summoning demons, currently garnering 4 1/2 stars in user reviews on Amazon) which allegedly contains the true name of God, a name which if read backward will destroy the world.

Yeah, I’m not sure how that works either. After all, Roman Catholics the world over celebrate the Holy Name of Jesus during Christmastime in honor of his circumcision and naming on the 8th day after his birth. But as the Catholic Encyclopedia notes, “We give honour to the Name of Jesus, not because we believe that there is any intrinsic power hidden in the letters composing it, but because the Name of Jesus reminds us of all the blessings we receive through our Holy Redeemer. To give thanks for these blessings we revere the Holy Name, as we honour the Passion of Christ by honouring His Cross (Colvenerius, "De festo SS. Nominis", ix). At the Holy Name of Jesus we uncover our heads, and we bend our knees; it is at the head of all our undertakings, as the Emperor Justinian says in his law-book: "In the Name of Our Lord Jesus we begin all our consultations". The Name of Jesus invoked with confidence brings help in bodily needs, according to the promise of Christ: "In my name They shall take up serpents; and if they shall drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them: they shall lay their hands upon the sick, and they shall recover". (Mark 16:17-18) In the Name of Jesus the Apostles gave strength to the lame (Acts 3:6; 9:34) and life to the dead (Acts 9:40). It gives consolation in spiritual trials. The Name of Jesus reminds the sinner of the prodigal son's father and of the Good Samaritan; it recalls to the just the suffering and death of the innocent Lamb of God. It protects us against Satan and his wiles, for the Devil fears the Name of Jesus, who has conquered him on the Cross. In the Name of Jesus we obtain every blessing and grace for time and eternity, for Christ has said: "If you ask the Father anything in my name he will give it you." (John 16:23) Therefore the Church concludes all her prayers by the words: "Through Our Lord Jesus Christ", etc.”

Neat, huh? But nowhere in all that does it mention that if you say His name backwards it’ll wipe out all of existence. Maybe they just left that part out. Or maybe it was just Hollywood hooey, since the world apparently survived long enough for Warlock to spawn two sequels and a video game. That being the case, it should be fairly safe for everyone to celebrate today by reciting the Litany of the Holy Name of Jesus (which we’ve discussed before). Besides, what else are you going to do? Go to the movies? Please, it’s January, have you seen what they’re releasing this month? Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters? Storage 24? A Haunted House!?! I think I’d rather stay at home, say the prayer, and risk the end of the world instead.

THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS: DAY 9: THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED CHRISTMAS

My ten year old is a diehard LOTR junkie, so like many other families we found ourselves going to see Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit during the holiday season. And why not? I mean, what could go together more naturally than Christmas and The Hobbit…

You know, for some reason I have this strange craving for a bubblegum precious…

Anyway, if you’ve now seen the film yourself and want to know what the rest of the Catholic blogosphere thought about it, here’s a round up of a few select reviews. I’ve purposely stayed away from the professional critics who didn’t care for The Hobbit as a film and instead linked to regular bloggers who enjoyed it for what it was. And I’ve done so for the singular reason that… me and my son liked the movie, all 169 bloated minutes of it. And for the most part, so did these folks, who not only appreciated The Hobbit, but found some Catholic goodies hidden in it as well…

CatholicSkywalker

On This Rock

Anamchara

Bettnett

Hell Burns

Fr. Dennis at the Movies

So who else out there has seen The Hobbit and what did you think? I’d love to hear some more takes on it.

THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS: DAY 8: OEDIPUS WRECKS

In the mind of Woody Allen, nothing could possibly be worse than a Jewish mother looking down on us from on high…

Of course, we Catholics know better, don’t we? We don’t just appreciate having a Jewish mother looking over us, we depend on it. As the Vatican II document Lumen Gentium explains, “This maternity of Mary in the order of grace began with the consent which she gave in faith at the Annunciation and which she sustained without wavering beneath the cross, and lasts until The eternal fulfillment of all the elect. Taken up to heaven she did not lay aside this salvific duty, but by her constant intercession continued to bring us the gifts of eternal salvation. By her maternal charity, she cares for the brethren of her Son, who still journey on earth surrounded by dangers and cultics, until they are led into the happiness of their true home. Therefore the Blessed Virgin is invoked by the Church under the titles of Advocate, Auxiliatrix, Adjutrix, and Mediatrix.” And, of course, by the title we revere her by on this 8th day of Christmas, Mother of God.

You know, I think I’ll save the whole defense of the doctrines on Mary for some other time. Suffice to say, scripture tells us that every member of the Church, those on earth and those in heaven, can intercede through prayer for one another. So if you’ve got the opportunity to ask the Mother of God to pray for you, it would seem rather foolish not to take advantage of it. I mean, I know you’re all busy people, but it doesn’t take that long to say the occasional Hail Mary. Oy vey, would it really kill you to call your mother every once in awhile?