THE B-LIST: 6 CATEGORIES THE OSCARS OVERLOOKED IN 2015

Well, the Oscars are here and I’ve had my say on the Best Picture nominees. As usual, though, I can’t help but feel the Academy’s list is lacking in the low budget department. We’ve done this before, so you know it works. Since the Academy Awards tend to ignore the types of movies we watch around these parts, we’re going to hand out some awards of our in categories that the Oscars overlooked.

BEST MOVIE STARRING OSCAR ISSAC AND DOHMNALL GLEESON THAT WASN’T STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS

EX MACHINA

Actually, all kidding aside, Ex Machina is the probably the best pure science fiction film of 2015 (Star Wars is a space opera, you know). It’s actually up for best original screenplay at this year’s Oscars, but deserves more recognition in other areas, especially Oscar Isaac’s turn as the off-kilter genius who has possibly created the world’s first self aware artificial intelligence. Yes, it’s a standard man meddling in God’s territory set-up, but it is never anything but compelling. Also, there’s an eerie scene in which Issac spontaneously breaks into dance that will stick with you for some time to come. Really, you just can’t beat a movie that has all the brains and all the moves.

BEST MOVIE YOU’VE PROBABLY HEARD ABOUT BUT DIDN’T THINK YOU WANTED TO SEE

IT FOLLOWS

As long as we’re talking about 2015’s best, we may as well mention its finest horror movie as well. Not everyone is going to agree with that assessment, of course, but for fans of intelligently written, truly creepy slow burns peopled with characters who are actually likeable, It Follows has to be at the top of the list. It portrays a group of teenagers toying with adulthood in a world in which no functioning grown-ups seem to be around to help guide them who end up getting stalked by a supernatural boogie man as a consequence of their actions. Yep, might just be some social commentary going on there. Plus, the movie gets bonus points for its fantastic retro-80s score.

BEST MOVIE YOU’D SWEAR WAS MADE IN THE 1980s

TURBO KID

Speaking of the 1980s… while Kung Fury is hands down 2015’s best parody of 80s sci-fi action movies, it doesn’t actually feel like it was made during that decade. Turbo Kid, on the other hand, does. It’s cheap looking, drags in parts like a true Mad Max ripoff, and most important, it has Michael Ironsides as the bad guy! Now, because it’s a feature length film, Turbo Kid can’t really sustain the concentrated level of insanity Kung Fury does over its brief 30 minute running time. Still, with characters like Skeletron and the completely adorable Apple, Turbo Kid is just plain old goofy fun just like the kind you used to find on the shelves of your favorite mom and pop video store. It ain’t deep, but there’s nothing in the Catechism that says everything has to be.

BEST MOVIE THAT ISN’T AT ALL WHAT YOU PROBABLY THINK IT IS

THE FINAL GIRLS

With all the 1980s parodies and tributes released in 2015 (seriously, this list hardly scratches the surface), it’s easy to see why someone might look at the promo art for The Final Girls and think, “No thanks, I’ve had enough.” But despite the fact that it looks like just another slasher film full of nudity and gore (of which it surprisingly has neither), The Final Girls is actually something a little bit different. This story of a teenager named Max who, along with some of her friends, gets magically transported into an old 1980s slasher movie they were watching is often funny and occasionally touching. That last bit stems from the fact that one of the victims in “Camp Bloodbath” was portrayed by Max’s late mother, raising the possibility that Max might just be able to find a way to get her mom back. If she can find a way to subvert all of those old slasher clichés, that is. This one’s a hidden gem.

BEST MOVIE ABOUT COWBOYS THAT DIDN’T GET HYPED OUT THE WAZOO

BONE TOMAHAWK

While we’re on the subject of hidden gems, we have to discuss Bone Tomahawk, the movie Kurt Russell actually grew that mustache for. Thanks to their admittedly beautiful cinematography and their high profile directors, The Hateful Eight and The Revenant got all of Oscar’s attention this year as far as westerns are concerned. But truthfully, this tale of a disparate group of cowboys who put aside their differences in order to try and rescue a woman from a vicious tribe of cannibals is a better movie than both of them. The characters are more finely drawn than in The Revenant (sorry, it’s true) and, while the mid-section does involve a lot of talking, the movie knows when to have its characters shut up (unlike, say, The Hateful Eight). This is the type of film that’s going to develop a cult following over the years and it deserves it, mustache and all.

BEST MOVIE ABOUT VAMPIRE ROOMMATES YOU NEVER KNEW YOU WANTED

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHAODWS

And finally we have What We Do In The Shadows, a movie that already has its cult firmly in place. Filmed in a mock-umentary style, What We Do In The Shadows follows a small clan of vampires as they try to adjust to the modern world while simultaneously dealing with the trials and tribulations that come with living in the same house as your buddies. Yes, apparently vampires argue over whose turn it is to do the dishes just like we do. The concept sounds like it would work better as a five minute sketch on SNL, but it manages to stay fresh all the way through, especially as the vamps make friends with a new human buddy and get drawn into a rivalry with a local group of werewolves who have problems of their own. Definitely worth sinking your teeth into.

And that’s about it for this year’s missing Oscar categories. Don’t feel too bad for the films on this list, though. Like many a good Christian, these movies may never receive the wide acclaim that comes with red carpets and gold statues, but having examined them, we know their worth. And in the years to come, as most of this year’s Best Picture nominees gather dust on video shelves, these movies will come into their final rewards and earn the viewers they so richly deserve.

PULP CATHOLICISM #161

THE B-LIST: 5 MOVIE REMAKES FOR PRO-CHOICERS

You remember the 2014 abortion comedy Obvious Child, right? No? That’s probably because, despite the mainstream media’s zealous push to make it into a must see event, audiences the world over avoided Obvious Child like the plague. Oh, it still turned a small profit because it’s production budget was lower than a lot of SyFy Channel movies and Planned Parenthood bought up a ton of tickets to give away for free, but by most measurable standards, Obvious Child was a flop.

You know, maybe they took the wrong approach. Maybe they should try remaking some old movies instead. After all, remakes have built-in name recognition (especially amongst foreign audiences), they make investors and shareholders feel secure, and most important, despite some notable clunkers, they tend to make money. So, as a service to our pals in the pro-choice movement, here’s some suggestions for movies they could remake, but with a bit of spin intended to appeal to their particular euphemism-loving sensibilities.

There you go, pro-choice movement. You’re welcome.

PULP CATHOLICISM #160

THE TWILIGHT BINGE #008: TIME ENOUGH AT LAST

S01E08

"Henry Bemis, a bookish little man with thick horn-rimmed glasses wants only one thing out of life; the time to read. Reading is his only passion in an otherwise mundane existence...yet, it's almost an impossibility due to a shrewish wife who deems reading silly...a boss at the bank who's interested in efficiency not education...and the unrelenting hands of the clock. Now all that is about to change. As he does everyday, Bemis sneaks down to the vault to read during his lunch hour, but today when he emerges from his private sanctuary , he will enter a new world. A world that might or might not fulfill his life-long dream."

Well, here it is. When Twilight Zone magazine polled their readers and asked them to name the series’ most memorable episode, Time Enough At Last won by a landslide. TV Guide’s writers were so impressed with the episode that they chose it as the 25th most memorable moment in television history. And if that’s not enough acclaim, Rod Serling himself declared Time Enough At Last as one of his two personal favorites out of the entire series. Not too shabby for a story which many consider to have one of the cruelest endings ever crafted.

And really, it’s that ending we most remember, isn’t it? How could your heart not go out to poor old bookworm Henry Bemis (masterfully portrayed by Burgess Meredith) as he sits on those library steps, broken glasses in hand, lamenting, “It’s not fair. It’s not fair.”? How could you not feel sympathy for this poor man against whom the entire world has apparently conspired to deny him the time to enjoy a good book? I’m willing to wager that’s a dilemma which resonates with quite a few of you out there just as much as it does with myself.

And yet, the Twilight Zone, if it is anything, is a moralistic show, so punishing the innocent doesn’t really fit in with the tone of the series. Perhaps then, Henry isn’t quite the innocent victim of fate that he appears to be at first.

While they’re hard to catch because Henry’s wife comes across as such a domineering monster, there are hints in Helen’s dialog that suggest she only became that way after years of neglect from her husband. And Henry’s boss, though not a sweetheart by any measure, does actually have a legitimate complaint about Henry’s obsession interfering with his work. The fact is, every chance he gets, Henry isolates himself from his fellow human beings and buries himself in his books. He avoids human interaction whenever possible, content to live in the imaginary world of the written page.

While this obviously isn’t on the same level as robbery or murder, the fact is such an obssesive avoidance of other people isn’t healthy for the soul. As the Catechism reminds us, “The human person needs to live in society. Society is not for him an extraneous addition but a requirement of his nature. Through the exchange with others, mutual service and dialogue with his brethren, man develops his potential; he thus responds to his vocation.” Me-time is fine, but complete isolation is not. Heck, even Carthusian monks leave their cells for daily group prayer and a weekly walk together.

The sad thing is that Henry seems to realize the error of his ways at first, even going so far as to contemplate suicide when he finally comprehends just how truly alone he is in the post-apocalyptic world. But his remorse quickly evaporates once he stumbles upon the library and he quickly returns to his self-centered mindset. So, is Henry sympathetic? Absolutely. But is he an innocent victim of the Twilight Zone? Not by a long shot.

Twilight Tidbits: So iconic is the character of Henry Bemis that when Bif Bang Pow! decided to release a series of action figures based on the Twilight Zone, there amongst the wing-riding gremlins and man-serving aliens was none other than Mr. Bemis himself, books and all.

PULP CATHOLICISM #159

THE TWILIGHT BINGE #007: THE LONELY

S01E07 - The Lonely

"For inmate James A. Corry, solitary confinement means life on an asteroid nine million miles from Earth. Corry craves human contact — so much so that he counts the minutes until a roving ship makes its annual drop-off of provisions. Corry may well be the loneliest man in the universe. But all of that is about to change. Because the supply ship is on its way, this time carrying a special package for Corry that will help him to forget his problems… and present him with a whole new dilemma."

In our look at Episode 1 of the Twilight Zone, we noted how the theme of coping with loneliness was one Serling would return to multiple times over the course of the series. Well, here we are just six episodes later and here it returns in spades. Some sources indicate The Lonely was the next to be produced after the pilot, so perhaps the idea of isolation was weighing heavy on Serling’s mind for some reason as he was getting the show up and running. In fact, the themes of the two episodes are similar enough that an alternate, unused opening narration Serling had penned for Where Is Everybody? would actually have worked just as well for this episode…

“The barrier of loneliness: the palpable, desperate need of the human animal to be with his fellow man. Up there, up there in the vastness of space, in the void that is sky, up there is an enemy known as isolation. It sits there in the stars waiting, waiting with the patience of eons, forever waiting... in the Twilight Zone.”

If that doesn’t fit a story about a man imprisoned by himself on an asteroid for fifty years, I don’t know what does.

Watching this episode at the beginning of 2016 when both Ex Machina and The Martian are up for Academy Awards only accentuates just how much the subject matter Serling was dealing with still resonates today. Jean Marsh’s sympathetic android, Alicia, is a clear forerunner of Alicia Vikander’s Ava as both leave the viewer with questions about just how “human” their artificial intelligences really are. And Jack Warden’s hopelessly lonely prisoner can’t help but make you think of Matt Damon’s Mars-stranded astronaut. Warden is particularly excellent in this episode, turning in perhaps the best acting of the series so far. His desperation for even a simple game of checkers with another human being is palpable.

Warden’s performance is also pretty accurate to those real life prisoners in long term solitary confinement, at least if some mental health specialists are to be believed. As an article from Wired notes, “The human brain is ill-adapted to [solitary confinement], and activists and some psychologists equate it to torture. Solitary confinement isn’t merely uncomfortable, they say, but such an anathema to human needs that it often drives prisoners mad. In isolation, people become anxious and angry, prone to hallucinations and wild mood swings, and unable to control their impulses. The problems are even worse in people predisposed to mental illness, and can wreak long-lasting changes in prisoners’ minds.” If that’s all true, then it should be no surprise to find that Pope Francis has condemned the practice.

Still, understanding the anguishes of such isolation does shed some light on the Catehchism’s description of Hell, which is basically “eternal separation from God.” If solitary confinement in an earthly prison can be enough to drive some mad, then just imagine the horror of eternal isolation. As Prof. Peter Kreeft explains it, “The images for hell in Scripture are horrible, but they're only symbols… The pain of loss - the loss of God, who is the source of all joy - is infinitely more horrible than any torture could ever be.” I think Warden’s character would agree.

Twilight Tidbits: While it would be another decade before the character of pompous newsman Ted Baxter would make Ted Knight a household name, he makes an uncredited appearance here as (surprise, surprise) an arrogant jerk of a spaceman.

NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

While most everyone will be glued to the Superbowl today, at least for a quarter or two, we know there’s some of you out there who might prefer spending time with something a bit more along the lines of what we usually offer here. If that’s the case for you, then here’s a few articles from around the Net that just might fit the bill.

While the Twilight Zone and our usual collection of questionable cartoons have taken up most of the space here at the ol’ B-Movie Catechism lately, over at Aleteia it’s been business as usual. In recent weeks I’ve had a few things to say about The Revenant and The Finest Hours, as well as taking a quick look at each of the Best Picture nominees for this year’s Oscars.

In other new movie news, Red Cardigan has finally gotten around to taking in The Force Awakens and now feels compelled to explain how Star Wars changed the universe of her imagination and ensured that she would never read solely realistic fiction again.

That’s probably music to the ears of Scott and Julie over at the A Good Story Is Hard To Find podcast as this time around they’re discussing Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. The book that is, not Kenneth Branagh’s movie.

I wonder if Red’s expanded reading list extended beyond novels and into comic books? If so, she might have found even more food for thought. For instance, Father V., over at Adam’s Ale, wonders if the existence of Superman proves there is a God. And then there’s the Hulk. Have you ever thought of the jade giant as a messiah figure? Well, Speculative Faith’s Audie Thacker would like to convince that ol’ green skin is that very thing… sort of.

But enough of that. Let’s get back to our raison d’etre around here, B-movies, cult cinema, and Catholicism. Catholic Skywlaker has the B-movies (or B-TV as the case may be) covered as he adds The Wakling Dead to his list of all-time best television dramas. Meanwhile, on the cult cinema front, Crisis Magazine’s K. V. Turley takes that term literally and ponders whether or not James Bond really and truly is a cult in the classic sense. And as for Catholcism, Grayson Clary takes some time at The Atlantic to ask just why does sci-fi have so darn many Catholics?

Well, that should be plenty to keep you busy this evening, if not during the game, then at least during the commercials. Or vice versa depending on why you tune in. Still, if you just really need something to kill time, then here’s ten minutes of gameply from the old C64 title, Space Pope. Remember, gamers, cheating makes the baby Jesus cry.

THE TWILIGHT BINGE #006: ESCAPE CLAUSE

S01E06 - Escape Clause

"Forty-four-year-old Walter Bedecker (David Wayne) is a hypocondriac par excellence. So when the Devil in the form of fat, jolly Mr. Cadwallader (Thomas Gomez) appears and offers him immortality and indestructability in exchange for his soul, Bedecker jumps at the chance. He insists on an escape clause, however: if at any time he tires of life, all he need do is summon Cadwallader. Soon, Bedecker is delighted to find that nothing can harm him - steaming radiators can't burn him and throwing himself in front of speeding subway trains only rips his clothes. Insurance agents are lining up to pay off handsomely for all his little "accidents." And yet, something is missing… life lacks a certain zip. Bedacker has a nasty feeling Cadwallader has pulled a fast one. And, in his quest for bigger and better thrills, Bedecker is setting himself up for a nasty shock… courtesy of the Twilight Zone. "

To the bewilderment of many a secular sci-fi fan, it turns out the devil is quite real in Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone. He’s also inexplicably Welsh, or at least that’s what his given name of Cadwallader would lead us to believe anyway. Whatever his actual nationality may be, though, here in the first of his many appearances in the Twilight Zone, Old Scratch is up to his favorite pasttime of trading services for souls.

This Faustian tale marks the series’ first foray into comedic territory, though with a decidedly Twilight Zone spin. At breakneck speed, the narrative transitions from the sitcom setup of a hyper-hypochondriac Walter refusing to leave his bed, through the black comedy of his repeated “accidents,” and ultimately into the (literal) gallows humor of his life imprisonment. Depending on your taste, you’ll either find this episode to be a master class in compressed storytelling or a completely rushed mess. Either way, it’s a lot of fun.

Depsite its comedic overtones, however, there is still a darkness at the heart of the story, or to be more precise, in the heart of Walter Bedeker. As Seling points out in his opening narration, Walter has "one preoccupation, the life and well-being of Walter Bedeker. One abiding concern about society, that if Walter Bedeker should die how will it survive without him?" Waler is a self-absorbed to an infinite degree.

It takes a special kind of narcissist to come face to face with the devil (Walter unhesitatingly accepts that’s who Cadwallader is with no requirement of proof) and do anything but immediately call out to God for help. After all, if Satan is real, then the whole kit and kaboodle, Heaven and Hell, must be real as well. And yet these Faust types inevitably trust themselves to be able to handle the devil on their own, always sure they can outwit the guy who wrote the book on tricking us poor humans. We’re taking about the entity John described in his gospel as “a murderer from the beginning and [who] does not stand in truth, because there is no truth in him. When he tells a lie, he speaks in character, because he is a liar and the father of lies.” Yeah, that’s the guy people like Walter try to outsmart.

Even Popes don’t have such high opinions of themselves. Back in 1884, Pope Leo XIII had a vision of evil spirits trying to carry out Satan’s plan to destroy the Church within the next one-hundred years. Now, being the Pope and all, Leo could have just made some pronouncements and maybe wrote a homily or two. Instead, he called for help by writing a little prayer to St. Michael the Archangel and demanding it be said at every low mass throughout the world. Maybe you’ve heard it before…

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host,
by the Divine Power of God,
cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Vatican II put the kibosh on the low mass, but that doesn’t mean we can’t say the St. Michael ourselves, or call on any of the other Saints for that matter. The main thing is not to be so full of ourselves that we don’t reach out for help in dealing with the forces alligned against us. Walter’s fate shows us what happens when we do that.

PULP CATHOLICISM #158

THE TWILIGHT BINGE #005: WALKING DISTANCE

S01E05 - Walking Distance

“Advertising executive Martin Sloan (Gig Young), age thirty-six, is exhausted by the hectic pace of life in New York City. One day, while in an especially disgruntled mood, Martin goes for a drive in the country and winds up not far from his old home town. He stops, leaves his car at a gas station and sets off on foot to the town. Mysteriously, he arrives to find things exactly as they were when he was a child. Then reality sets in. His short walk has taken him a long, long way...much farther than he thought...all the way to The Twilight Zone.”

YOLO, short for "you only live once", was a pretty ubiquitous phrase on the Internet for a while there. At it’s best, the motto meant one should live their life to the fullest even if there were risks involved. At it’s worst, it was used as an excuse to justify whatever reckless behavior a person might wish to engage in. Or as one guy on the Urban Dictionary put it, YOLO was basically “carpe diem” for stupid people. 

But perhaps there’s another way of looking at the sentiment of “you only live once,” and it’s to be found in Walking Distance. This is one of the more beloved episodes of the whole series, named by CBS itself as one of the top ten ever produced. It’s the wistful story of one Martin Sloan, who walks into his old home town only to find that he’s traveled not just miles, but years as well. And once he realizes what is going on, he attempts to do that thing we’ve all dreamed of at one time or another, which is to find his younger self and warn him about all the mistakes he’s going to make as he grows older so that he can avoid them. 

But, this being the Twilight Zone, things don’t quite go the way Martin hoped. Even though his younger self is within arm’s reach, Martin finds there’s simply no way to impart his knowledge of the future so that he can avoid how things turned out in his adult life. And maybe that’s for the best. As Martin’s father tells his mysteriously older son, “Maybe when you go back, Martin, you'll find that there are merry-go-rounds and band concerts where you are. Maybe you haven't been looking in the right place. You've been looking behind you, Martin. Try looking ahead.”

It would seem Martin’s father understands a few things about regret. You see, it’s okay to feel remorse for our past mistakes. As Father John Hardon wrote, “Sorrow for past mistakes answers to the gift of knowledge.” But we only live once, as the saying goes, so we shouldn’t simply dwell on those mistakes to the extent that our regret cripples our present, as Martin’s does in this episode. We should instead see those feelings as an opportunity to open ourselves up to the future as God would have us live it. We approach our regrets as a doorway to conversion, Hardon wrote, then consolation will surely follow.

Twilight Tidbits: Movie and television fans alike will surely recognize a four year old Ron Howard in one of his first-ever roles. Aparently he went on to do a few things later in life.