Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) Jason sails to NYC (just go with it), and does what he does. As stupid as it sounds. TIL: Alas, just like Mama Voorhees' little boy, real evil will keep popping up again and again. Fortunately, help is just a prayer away.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Money Talks (1972) - "The quest for riches darkens the sense of right and wrong." - Antiphanes
Happy Birthday to Me (1981) Melissa Sue Anderson leaves the little house behind for this silliness, the Scooby Doo of slasher movies. TIL: Oops, looks like these kids forgot birthdays are an occasion to express love and thanks to parents who have shared the gift of life.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Bloody Birthday (1981) - "All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much." - George Harrison
The Love Witch (2016) Ultra-stylized Eurosleaze homage with feminist messaging so in your face that it actually stops being obnoxious and becomes amusing. No, really. TIL: Attempting to usurp free will with love potions? Do we even need to mention that kind of thing is right out?
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Close Encounters of the -Third Kind (1977) - “The way Jesus shows you is not easy. Rather, it is like a path winding up a mountain. Do not lose heart! The steeper the road, the faster it rises towards ever wider horizons.” - John Paul II
Kill or Be Killed (1976) What if leftover Nazis held a martial arts deathmatch and everybody came? Cheap, poorly filmed, and almost impossible not to like. TIL: There are still some who believe the Catholic Church cooperated with the Nazis because, well, people choose to be dumb.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Mill of the Stone Women (1960) - "Beware of pretty faces that you find, a pretty face can hide an evil mind." - Johnny Rivers
Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987) Your passport into the silly silicone-filled world of Andy Sidaris. Yes, it's THAT one with the skateboard, blow-up doll, and bazooka. TIL: Yeah, self defense is allowable, but I'm not sure that bazooka qualifies under the proportionality clause.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Jigoku (1960) - "The descent to Hades is the same from every place." - Anaxagoras
Up the Creek (1984) Animal House and Porky's alumni assemble for a farcical river raft race. Sadly, everyone in the movie is out-acted by Chuck the Wonder Dog. TIL: The Church recommends time off for relaxation of mind and body, but, you know, common decency still applies.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Spasmo (1974) - "The secret thoughts of a man run over all things, holy, profane, clean, obscene, grave, and light, without shame or blame." - Thomas Hobbes
The Suckling (1990) A mutated fetus seeks bloody revenge against the back-alley abortionists who flushed it into the toxic waste filled sewers. It's Roe v. Wade v. The Thing. TIL: In real life we would prefer to change the hearts of those whom we disagree, not rip them out.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Reform School Girl (1957) - "A quarrel between friends, when made up, adds a new tie to friendship." - St. Francis de Sales
Gummo (1997) Abandon all hope ye who enter Xenia, Ohio, especially if you're a cat walking near the local Chinese restaurant. Never has eating spaghetti been more disturbing. TIL: That moment when you realize that yes, Jesus would love these people too, though only God knows why.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Labyrinth (1986) - “The beautiful is always strange.” - Charles Baudelaire
Doctor Strain: The Body Snatcher (1991) Incomprehensible shot-on-Super 8 Re-animator ripoff sports a synth-score that desperately wants to be Thomas Dolby. TIL: Science is a method of study; don't use it as an excuse to blind yourself to things it's not designed to measure.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Popcorn (1991) - "Virtue has a veil, vice a mask." – Victor Hugo
Barracuda (1978) Government experiments make mean fish meaner and misogynist men more misogynous. Plodding and pointless with precious little actual barracudas on display. TIL: Needless to say, as men and women are created equal in dignity, misogyny is a no-no.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Three O'Clock High (1987) - "The wisest are the most annoyed at the loss of time." - Dante Alighieri
Pieces (1982) Spanish slasher is insanely written, insanely acted, and (sigh) insanely entertaining, at least to those of us who are likely insane. TIL: When Thomas Cranmer quipped, “What the heart loves, the will chooses, and the mind justifies,” was he pointing at horror fans?
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Animal House (1978) - "To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." - Confucius
The Monster of Piedras Blancas (1959) Poor man's Creature From the Black Lagoon demonstrates why you shouldn't feed strays, especially if they're head-ripping 6-foot tall fish-men. TIL: From a Catholic perspective, you should give a fish-man a fish AND teach him to fish.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Queen of Outer Space (1958) - "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it." - George Carlin
Evil Town (1987) Cantankerous codgers capture teens in order to steal their life-extending pituitary fluid. Shelved for years before seeing release, and rightly so. TIL: For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven; including us.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of The Invisible Woman (1940) - "Behind every great man there's a great woman." - Anonymous
Eyes Behind the Stars (1978) Dull as dirt cash-in on the late 70s UFO craze is definitely a candidate for the prize of Best Title for Worst Movie. TIL: Much to the surprise of many, the Church is actually fine with the idea of life on other planets. It’s all God’s creation.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Challenge of the Ninja (1986) - “We generate fears while we sit. We overcome them by action.” – Dr. Henry Link
I Was a Teenage Frankenstein (1957) The ultimate movie for every teen who ever whined, "Don't blame me, my parents made me this way!" TIL: The age of accountability is not a fixed point, but rather a state of being that varies by the child. Best just to try and be a good kid.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of 4D Man (1959) - "If I have faith, what I see as a wall in front of me is in reality a door that will soon be behind me." - Craig D. Lounsbrough
Firebird 2015 AD (1981) In far off 2015, the government outlaws gasoline. Darren McGavin uses his pimped-out Pontiac to patriotically dissent. It's a Clinker. TIL: Authority is legitimate only when it seeks the common good. As such, unjust laws are not binding in conscience.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Walk Into Hell (1956) - “Long exile from Christendom and civilization inevitably restores a man to that condition in which God placed him, i.e. what is called savagery.” - Herman Melville
The Redeemer: Son of Satan! (1978) Surreal slasher has six sinners getting offed by a cosplaying possessed priest. Decidedly non-PC horror couldn't be made today. TIL: If you're going to do the Seven Deadly Sins, you should probably at least get the number and the sins right.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of It Follows (2014) - "We ought not to look back, unless it is to derive useful lessons from past errors and for the purpose of profiting by dear bought experience." - George Washington
Hell Is Full (2010) Take Linklater's Slacker, add zombies, subtract budget and acting. Yep, it's another enjoyable Big Biting Pig micro-budget mish-mash. TIL: As a state of being, Hell can't really get full. Regardless, it's our responsibility to keep it as empty as possible.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of The Misadventures of Merlin Jones (1964 ) - "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town." - George Carlin
Hardware (1990) Ultra-stylish cult hit has a post-apocalyptic war vet gifting his girlfriend a broken battle bot for use in one of her sculptures. Except it ain't broke; it's pissed. TIL: It's always dangerous to ignore that all created things have a specific end purpose.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of House of Wax (1953) - "Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness." - Anne Frank
And finally, while my hopefully brief hiatus from movie reviewing continues, you can always count on Catholic Skywalker to deliver the goods. Here’s his take on Marvel’s latest, Ant-Man and the Wasp.
Empire of the Ants (1977) Joan Collins plays a tough beyatch (again) while formidable Formicidae terrorize the Everglades. TIL: The Bible praised ants for their productivity. Guess that means He'd have a soft spot for the prolific Bert I. Gordon, who churned out this schlock.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Empire of the Ants (1977) - "Go to the ant, you lazybones; consider its ways, and be wise." - Proverbs 6:6
Megaforce (1982) You know what the G.I. Joe cartoon really needed? Disco bodysuits. No reason peacekeeping cant be fab-u-lous! TIL: As peace is a basic attribute of God, it is not merely the absence of war and conflict. It is the ordering of human nature according to eternal law.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of The Devil Rides Out (1968) - “Not only is the Universe stranger than we think, it is stranger than we can think.” - Werner Heisenberg
We’ve all been there, right? Just like the Conan wannabe from 1983’s Throne of Fire, we think things are going our way and we have the devil on the ropes and then… things happen. What do we do then?
Okay, so maybe poor Siegfried there had to wing it on the spur of the moment. By the end of the movie, though, he does manage to get some help from a friend or two and come back to kick the spawn of Satan’s butt.
That’s the way it is when we’re battling the devil, whether it be physically or, more often than not, spiritually. Sometimes we just need help. As the Catechism puts it…
“The human person needs to live in society. Society is not for him an extraneous addition but a requirement of his nature. Through the exchange with others, mutual service and dialogue with his brethren, man develops his potential; he thus responds to his vocation.”
It’s one of the many reasons God requires that whole going to Church thing. He knows a lot of the time we’ll try to tough it out alone through hard spiritual times. But that just doesn’t always work. Sometimes we need someone else to lend a hand. But don’t take my word for it. St. Paul himself said it best in Hebrews 10:24-25…
“And let us consider how to provoke one another to love and good deeds, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
So, if you’re in a bad place spiritually and can’t seem to figure a good solution on your own, go find some help. That’s what the rest of us are here for.
The Gorgon (1964) Gothic goodness with Cushing, Lee, and a modern day Medusa. Not particularly scary, but doesn't need to be with its pedigree. TIL: Medusa was the Greek poster child for the sin of Vanity, attaching importance to impermanent things such as appearance or praise.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Hell Night (1981) - "Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up." - Robert Frost
And finally, over at Catholic Cinephile, Evan Cogswell revisits the dark comedic romp through the angst filled teenage wasteland that is Heathers.
976-EVIL (1988) Milquetoast makes a call to Satan, who grants him the power to punish bullies. Unfortunately, the phone bill eventually comes due. TIL: Scripture actually calls the devil the father of lies, not the prince. Either way, you're hosed if you trust his advice.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Grabbers (2012) - "The Lord’s curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the abode of the righteous." - Proverbs 3:33
“The temptation which comes from the enemy takes the form of a suggestion… Now a suggestion cannot be made to everybody in the same way: It must arise from those things toward which each one has an inclination. Consequently the devil does not straight away tempt the spiritual man to grave sins, but begins with lighter sins, so as gradually to lead him to those of greater magnitude.”
Xanadu (1980) Olympian muse helps an artist and dancer open a music hall with lots of ELO on the jukebox. You don't have to admit you like it, but you're not fooling anyone but yourself. TIL: Paradise is the eternal presence of God. But sure, I can see ONJ being there too.
Your daily dose of culture courtesy of Full Moon High (1981) - “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” - Friedrich Nietzsche
And finally, I’m sure all of my regular readers are just dying to know where they can get themselves some liturgical dance costumes. Well, thanks (I think) to our Facebook pal Corey J. Comstock who passed along this link, now everyone can. Enjoy.
