DAILY CALL SHEET: JUNE 29, 2023

Bad Manners (1984) Gang of mostly unlikable future sociopaths are confined to a penitentiary-style orphanage run by a sadistic habit-free nun. When one of the larcenous little rascals is adopted by lunatics, the rest escape and cause havoc on their way to rescue him. Most raunchy 80's comedies of this ilk get away with it by casting actors in their 20's to play teens, but this attempt to combine Bad News Bears attitude with Porky's R-rated shenanigans features real underage kids, so the whole thing is jaw-dropping cringey. It's almost worth it for Karen Black, though, who appears to be having actual psychotic breaks onscreen.

TIL: The Catechism notes that the dignity of all human beings is rooted in their creation in the image and likeness of God, not in their often undignified actions. Given this, good manners matter, even towards any A-holes, as they show we recognize the inherent dignity God granted each person.

Still Voices - Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014) "Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential." - Will Cuppy

DAILY CALL SHEET: JUNE 26, 2023

Robot Wars (1993) In the far flung future of 2041, toxic gasses have caused the world to split into two opposing factions hoping to establish dominance in the desert wastelands through the use of giant robots. Alas, the only thing that results from this promising setup is a bunch of annoying people standing around corridors and talking... like, a lot. Okay, every so often, as the nearly non-existent budget allows, some admittedly cool looking stop-motion robots do get into light skirmishes, but nowhere near enough to save this slog.

TIL: The Church has warned against the use of Lethal Autonomous Weapons Systems (LAWS), or killer robots if you will, including AI operated military drones, unmanned vehicles, or missiles. It is believed the use of "self-learning" LAWS, devoid of human reason, could lead to the indiscriminate targeting of non-combatants in order to maximize efficiency, which violates the just warfare principle of distinction.

Freeze Frames #009: "As I watched the seagulls, I thought, That's the road to take; find the absolute rhythm and follow it with absolute trust." - Nikos Kazantzakis

THE JUKEBOX HERO HYMNAL: Hymn 035: Billy Preston - That's the Way God Planned It

Typically when you say you're going to have a few friends over to help out on a project, that just means the usual suspects who have nothing else to do that day and are willing to lend a hand for a few free beers. However, when you're working on your first album and your producer George Harrison says he's going to invite some of his pals to stop by and pitch in, well...

Okay, sure, there's probably still lots of booze involved, but you also get Harrison on lead guitar, Eric Clapton dropping a couple of solos, Ginger Baker banging away on drums, and Keith Richards thumping the base. You could do worse. The amazing thing is, though, even with lineup as a backup band, it's still Billy Preston that steals the show with his keyboards and earnest vocals. The performance is amazing and the lyrics, they're no so bad either...

Let not your heart be troubled

Let mourning sobbing cease

Learn to help one another

And live in perfect peace

If we just be humble

Like the good Lord said

He promised to exalt us

For love is the way

That's the way God planned it

That's the way God wants it to be, doesn't He

You better believe me

That's the way God planned it

That's the way God wants it to be, for you and me

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Exactly what is God's plan has to be one of the most basic questions out there. I suppose that's why the Catechism leads off with the statement, "God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life. For this reason, at every time and in every place, God draws close to man. He calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all his strength. He calls together all men, scattered and divided by sin, into the unity of his family, the Church."

Or, as the old Boston Catechism put it, "God made us to show forth His goodness and to share with us His everlasting happiness in heaven." It's pretty much that simple. If only, as Mr. Preston suggests, we could show a little humility, get out of God's way, and let His plan unfold instead of mucking it up with selfish plans of our own. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

DAILY CALL SHEET: JUNE 21, 2023

 

Woodchipper Massacre (1988) After his debut Cannibal Campout proved to be a surprise video store hit, auteur Jon McBride decided to up his budget to $400 (for real) and make this... film? Actually, this prototype for Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead is more like a homemade version of an 80's family sitcom, except one in which there's no laugh track and the kids end up chucking a couple of unsavory relatives into landscaping machinery. Most will find this atrocious, but for those who rented their fair share of amateur shot-on-video flicks back in the day, it's unexplainably watchable.

TIL: Speaking of working with wood, there's a good chance Jesus wasn't actually a carpenter by today's definition. It turns out the Greek word for carpenter used in reference to the Lord is more correctly translated as “craftsman” or “artisan,” and applies to a carver of wood, stone, or whatever else the job calls for. So, Jesus could have made furniture as popularly imagined, but likely crafted non-wood items as well. This might explain why He knew what kind of stones a builder would reject or choose as a cornerstone.

Funny Book Philosophy: Journey Into Unknown Worlds 016 (1953) Oddly theologically correct. Since angels are pure spirit, they are not subject to bodily change over time. Because they can't change, their choices are definitive and irrevocable. That means once Satan chose evil, he could never again choose to do something good.

DAILY CALL SHEET: JUNE 19, 2023

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) Definitely belongs on the shortlist of horror/sci-fi remakes which equal or surpass the original. The story remains the same, with alien pods nabbing every person they can get their roots on and replacing them with emotionless duplicates. However, this time around, the narrative eschews the paranoiac fears of Communism and McCarthyism and instead delves into the existential horrors of losing your individuality amidst the anonymous throngs of urban America. Not only does the change in focus work great, it all builds up to one of the best shock endings in horror history.

TIL: Puritanical detours aside, God actually places great value on individuality. This is evident when St. Paul waxes eloquent on the analogy of the church as a body which can't exist without its distinct individual parts. What He's not so wild about is individualism, the philosophy that places the interests of each person above the welfare of society. A culture of individualism results in a society of isolated narcissists who focus only on their own desires and interests rather than the common good. Fortunately, such a thing couldn't happen in this day and age, right?

Still Voices - The Curse of the Werewolf (1961) "A wolf is no less a wolf because he's dressed in sheepskin and the devil is no less the devil because he's dressed as an angel." - LeCrae

DAILY CALL SHEET: JUNE 18, 2023

In Search of Noah’s Ark (1977) To every monster kid's delight, the crypto-craze of the swinging 70's resulted in a deluge of pseudo-documentaries featuring the likes of Bigfoot, the Bermuda Triangle, and UFO's. Inevitably, they were all cheaply made, padded to the gills with stock footage, and full of "evidence" a first grader could debunk without breaking a sweat. So, of course, they raked in millions.

Realizing that the monotheistic minded had wallets of their own to be plundered, Sunn Classic Pictures released In Search of Noah's Ark, an exploration of assertions that the remains of the Bible's most famous boat had at last been discovered on Mt. Ararat. As expected, it's mostly B.S., but where else can you get reenactments of Noah's story with the bonus content of a goofy chimp helping gather and care for all the animals? Besides, for some reason these old docs are oddly relaxing to watch, so a little fiction can be forgiven. Put it on if you need something to drift off to sleep to.

TIL: Skeptics of the Noah story love to point out that there is no scientific evidence the entire planet was ever inundated by a flood during human times. Catholics yawn at this gotcha. As the encyclical Humani Generis notes, the early books of Genesis often contain "simple and metaphorical language adapted to the mentality of a people but little cultured, [to] both state the principal truths which are fundamental for our salvation, and also give a popular description of the origin of the human race and the chosen people.”

This understanding allows Catholics the choice to interpret the Ark narrative as either a literal worldwide flood, as a localized event (as some evidence might support), or even as an attempt by the author of Genesis to use elements of existing flood narratives to illustrate how the God of the Israelites was superior to pagan deities. However, if we choose the latter, Humani Generis reminds us that "it must never be forgotten that they did so with the help of divine inspiration, through which they were rendered immune from any error in selecting and evaluating those documents."

One Sheet Words of Wisdom: Black Gestapo (1975) "I always disagree, however, when people end up saying that we can only combat Communism, Fascism or what not if we develop an equal fanaticism. It appears to me that one defeats the fanatic precisely by not being a fanatic oneself, but on the contrary by using one's intelligence." -

George Orwell

DAILY CALL SHEET: JUNE 17, 2023

Babes in Toyland (1986) aka How to make Wizard of Oz for the cost of a ticket to a Bavarian theme park. After suffering a concussion, Lil' Drew Barrymore dreams a Mother Goose inspired adventure in which a baby-faced Keanu Reeves croons over Cincinnati while helping Jill Schoelen avoid forced marriage to a more disheveled than usual Richard Mulligan. Not weird enough for you? Fine, how about Pat Morita as Santa Claus?

TIL: Much like Trekkies and Star Wars nuts, Bible fans often come up with elaborate backstories for obscure background characters. For instance, there's at least one legend out there in which King Solomon's gal pal, the Queen of Sheba, is the original Mother Goose. As the story goes, along with tons of gold, the wise man's possible paramour also had an odd, duck-shaped foot and a penchant for telling tales. Now why would the authors of the Bible have left that little tidbit out?

Freeze Frames #008: "Sins, like chickens, come home to roost." - Charles W. Chesnutt