Thursday, July 17, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 17, 2025

 

Yellow Submarine (1968) The vile Blue Meanies launch an attack on Pepperland to put an end to all displays of color and music. Fortunately, Admiral Fred manages to escape in the titular vehicle which he uses to recruit help in the form of The Beatles. To get back to Pepperland, Fred and the Fab Four must traverse a number of weird interdimensional waterways, including the Sea of Nothing where they pick up a morose magical being known as Jeremy Hillary Boob Ph.D. Their forces assembled, our heroes launch a final musical battle against the Meanies. For fans of The Beatles, the 60's aesthetic, or Peter Max's psychedelic artwork, this is a must. Others may leave slightly befuddled.

TIL: The Beatles claimed all you need is love, but what kind, storge, philia, eros, or agape? Storge (familial love), philia (friendship), and eros (passion and desire) are nice, but don't seem to be sufficient to need anything else. That leaves agape , which the Modern Catholic Dictionary defines as "the most distinctively Christian form of love. Used by Christ to describe the love among the persons of the Trinity, it is also the love he commanded his followers to have for one another (John 13:34-35). It is totally selfless love, which seeks not one's own advantage but only to benefit or share with another." Yeah, that sounds like the one.

Still Voices - Yellow Submarine (1968) "Our minds should not be empty because if they are not preoccupied by good, evil will break in upon them." - Samuel Johnson

Tuesday, July 08, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JULY 8, 2025

A Dark Song (2016) Unable to get over the death of her seven-year old son, Sophia comes up with a desperate plan. She persuades Joseph, a dubious practitioner of magic, to move into a rental home with her and engage in a grueling months-long ritual designed to manifest her guardian angel, who in turn will allow her to communicate with the spirit of her son. The catch is that the rite eventually requires a ceremony of forgiveness which Sophia will have nothing to do with. As a result, things go horribly, horribly wrong. This dark and brutal tale of grief definitely falls into the category of "not for most people", but if it clicks with you, it will click hard.

TIL: The ritual in A Dark Song is actually derived from a real life Kabbalistic novel called The Book of Abramelin written sometime around the year 1400. Kabbalah at its most benevolent is an esoteric way of thought formulated primarily by 12th and 13th century Jewish mystics which focuses on pondering God's creation of the world, and at its worst is a gateway to Occultism.  From a Christian standpoint, the more benevolent path of Kabbalah leads to errors about the nature of God (e.g. Lurianic Kabbalah suggests evil originates from God), errors which can endanger the soul. The worst path, the one that has stuff like trying to usurp God's will through conjurations and such, leads straight to Hell.

The Cat from Outer Space (1978) When his downed spacecraft is seized by the military, a feline-like alien named Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7 (or Jake to his friends) enlists the aid of an Earth scientist to help get it back. Lots of family friendly hijinks ensue as Jake and his pals outwit the government and a cadre of corporate criminals who want Jake's powers for their own purposes. Likely released to cash-in on the booming UFO craze in the wake of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, this perfectly pleasant live-action Disney fare is probably a tad bit too long, but nostalgia and the simple fact that it stars a cool cat keeps me from ragging on it too much.

TIL: The Church has no official position on aliens other than their existence would have zero effect on her teachings. However, if there were an extraterrestrial rational species (ETRS) with rational souls and free will (basically made in the image of God like us), Notre Dame's Christopher Baglow has some thoughts. He speculates that under the principle of particularity (the divine tendency to deal with a particular people first rather the entirety of humanity), it's hypothetically possible an ETRS might experience an Incarnation of God particular to their own unique physicality. In short, if Jake was real, his planet might have experienced a cat version of Jesus. Yeah, probably not, but it's a fun thought exercise.

Saturday, June 28, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JUNE 28, 2025

 

Time Barbarians (1990) In an age long past, super-buff King Doran gives a magic amulet to his wife for protection, so naturally she's murdered by his worst enemy Mandrak almost immediately. Using the amulet, Mandrak escapes to L.A. circa 1990, but Doran finds a way to follow. There, Doran meets his wife's future doppelganger and the two team up to take down the bad guy. I'm pretty sure the word 'inane' was invented for movies just like this. It's hard to name a favorite facepalm moment, but the one in which a guy looks at his obviously dead friend lying on the floor with a bullet hole in his head and asks, "Are you okay?" is a strong contender.

TIL: Most of the time the word barbarian comes up in the New Testament, it's simply referring to non-Greeks. It turns out those with a Grecian education like St. Paul and St. Luke had a hard time understanding the rougher sounding language of some foreign peoples and so referred to them as "bárbaros", or babblers. Not very scary. However, in the letter to the Colossians, he does also apply the word to the Scythians. With their generally uncouth and savage behavior, these guys were more along the lines of what we think of when we use the word barbarian these days and nobody liked them. Even so, Paul makes a point that Christ came for the barbarians as well.

Beginning of the End (1957) Scientist Peter Graves leads the battle against giant grasshoppers, which is fitting since it's partially his fault there are freaking giant grasshoppers to begin with. It's impossible to review this Bert I. Gordon riff on Them! without mentioning that the "special" effects consist of real grasshoppers crawling across blown up photographs of buildings. Then again, why wouldn't you mention it since the movie's cheesiness is part of its charm.

TIL: Lots of dieticians point out that the Kashrut in Leviticus had health benefits over and above the religious and tribal reasons for its list of culinary do's and don'ts. For instance, grasshoppers, which were approved for eating, are about 40% protein, 43% fat, and 13% fiber. Basically, they're good for you. But, healthy or not, being allowed and being required are not the same thing, so you'll be hard pressed to find the little buggers on too many kosher menus these days.

Sunday, June 22, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JUNE 22, 2025

 

The Food of the Gods (1976) On a remote island, farmers feed their chickens some mysterious stuff which bubbles up from the ground, because why wouldn't you, and they start to grow enormous. So do the bugs, bees, and rats who get into the food as well. Soon, the whole island is in danger of being overrun by the big beasties who've gotten a taste for more meaty meals. While there's only a little bit of H. G. Wells to be found in this adaptation of his novel, there's a whole lot of Bert I. Gordon, and that brings with it all the good and bad you would expect.

TIL: In ancient Greek mythology, the food of the gods was called ambrosia and it is said to be the stuff that granted them their immortality. For the Jews and Christians, of course, God is conceived of as an unchangeable, immaterial spirit, meaning he has no body and therefore needs no food. As Irenaeus explained, “Far removed is the Father of all from those things which operate among men, the affections and passions. He is simple, not composed of parts, without structure, altogether like and equal to himself alone. He is all mind, all spirit, all thought, all intelligence, all reason.”

Final Exam (1981) After a couple is butchered at the local lover's lane, students at Lanier College spend the last day of exams talking about it. They also pull some pranks, cheat on tests, question their relationships, consider the future, read some books, try to make a drug deal, eat lunch... Eventually the killer gets bored with lurking in the bushes watching all of this and pops out to massacre the majority of the cast in the last 15 minutes. You would think a slasher film which bends over backward to flesh out its characters would be a welcome change of pace, but if you think that then you've never watched Final Exam. The movie spends over an hour of its brisk 89 minutes letting you get to know the characters, and yet by the end we still just get the jock, the geek, the slut, the stoner, etc., the same tired stereotypes that have shown up in countless slashers. And yet I still really enjoy Final Exam because something's wrong with me I guess. Sigh.

TIL: As the Catechism notes, “Each man receives his eternal retribution in his immortal soul at the very moment of his death, in a particular judgment that refers his life to Christ: either entrance into the blessedness of Heaven– through purification or immediately, – or immediate and everlasting damnation.” There's a second judgement coming at the end of time, though, a sort of final exam for all of creation where those still living will get their failing or passing grade, those still in detention in Purgatory get to graduate to Heaven, and the earthly campus of the old world will be shut down for good to make way for something new. Since everyone is destined to face one or the other of these exams, best to do the homework assignments beforehand so you're prepared for either.

Friday, June 06, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JUNE 6, 2025

 

Eight Legged Freaks (2002) Crickets contaminated with toxic waste are fed to the various arachnids residing at an exotic spider farm, causing them to grow to the size of a mini-van. At first the freaks are content to hang out in the closed mines beneath a small Arizona town, but soon the temptation to catch a bite at the local mall becomes too strong to resist. Lots of familiar faces like David Arquette and teeny-bopper Scarlett Johansson never take any of the sketchy early 2000's CGI seriously and neither should audiences. For lighthearted fun only.

TIL: Some Ukrainians put spider web ornaments on their Christmas trees in honor of an legend about a poor widow and her children who had no money to decorate the tree which had grown in the middle of their cabin. However, while the family slept on Christmas Eve, a spider covered the tree with webs. As the sun rose on Christmas morning, the Child Jesus appeared and turned the silken threads into gold and silver, providing the family with beautiful decorations and a ticket out of poverty. Some claim this story is where the custom of putting tinsel on Christmas trees comes from.

Now Showing at a Blog Near You: For Aleteia this week I take a look at the latest exorcism film ‘The Ritual’. Al Pacino as a priest? I guess he's doing penance for playing the devil that time.

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: MAY 27, 2024

The Alien Factor (1978) A craft of extraterrestrial origin carrying specimens for an intergalactic zoo crash lands on Earth, loosing three murderous mutants into the woods of Maryland. The monsters soon find a small town to terrorize and all seems lost, but thankfully doughy stranger Ben Zachary shows up to try and put things right. Like most of Don Dohler's low-budget regional efforts, this one has some dull spots and questionable acting, but this unapologetic love-letter to 50's sci-fi gets by on nifty creature designs and just plain old heart.

TIL: The Church has no official position on zoos per se, but writing for Catholic Answers, Prof. Paul Gondreau notes, "To inflict needless pain and torture on animals or to place them in inhumane living conditions is to engage in insensitive cruelty and to foster a kind of hardness of heart - which is very bad for our souls. It corrupts and perverts our moral character, and thereby disposes us to treat others with an adjacent hardness of heart or insensitive cruelty." Under this reasoning, zoos should take care to see their animals are well cared for and have humane habitats.


Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) In a setup that's like Goosebumps on steroids, space aliens resembling grotesque circus clowns descend upon a town and begin collecting the citizenry in order to turn them into cotton candy. Their weapons of choice include carnivorous popcorn ray guns, flesh dissolving ice cream, and a very lethal version of the old spring loaded boxing glove in a gift box gag. Uniquely surreal horror flick that guarantees good, clean PG-13 fun for everyone except maybe sufferers of coulrophobia.

TIL: Secretly baptized by Polycarp against the wishes of his Christian-killing father, St. Maturinus grew to be a performer of miracles, an expert at calming the over-excited, and a renowned exorcist. It's said he even drove a demon out of the stepdaughter of the Roman emperor Maximian. That this would lead St. Maturinus to being invoked against mental illness is no surprise. For some reason, though, he is also the patron Saint of clowns, which probably says more about clowns than it does the Saint himself.

Wednesday, May 14, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: MAY 14, 2025

The Lift (1983) A high-rise elevator with an experimental microprocessor loses its mechanical mind and starts offing anyone who, literally, pushes its buttons. Fortunately, Felix Adelaar, elevator repairman extraordinaire is on the case. You would think this would be as silly an idea as something like The Mangler's killer laundry machine or The Refrigerator's killer… well, you know, and yet it's got that little bit of something that's rightfully earned this obscure little Dutch horror a cult following over the years.

TIL: In noting in the Catechism that an object can be exorcised, the Church recognizes an object can become the focus of outside evil forces just as a person can. Now, that doesn’t mean your toaster is someday going to gain awareness and bite your hand off. It just means that, for whatever reason, the demonic can become fixated on a physical object. Such an idea should be no big shock to Christians who accept the notion that there’s a spiritual dimension to reality.

The Corpse Vanishes (1942) A somewhat mad scientist uses specially scented orchids to put virgin brides into death-like comas, then whisks their bodies back to his lab where he extracts gland fluid to keep his own wife young. A female journalist tracks the scientist down, but quickly runs into trouble when she discovers the deranged family who lives in the basement where the scientists dumps his victim's bodies. Except all those dead brides might not be so dead after all. Yep, it's another cheapie from Monogram starring Bela that doesn't make too much sense at all, but it only runs for one hour so you'll barely notice.

TIL: One of the odder reasons skeptics try to give for the reason Jesus' corpse vanished from the tomb is that he didn't really die on the cross, but rather swooned, was taken down, and healed with aloe and myrrh. Pesky science gets in the way of this conspiracy theory, though. A 1986 article published by medical experts in the Journal of the American Medical Association concludes that the combination of extreme blood loss, shock, dehydration, soft tissue damage, extreme fatigue, nail wounds, pierced heart and lung, and general asphyxiation Jesus experienced would have left no room for survival. Points for trying, though.

Sunday, May 04, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: MAY 4, 2025

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990) Hungry witch Debbie Harry prepares a young boy to be her supper, but agrees to postpone putting him in the oven for a while if the lad can pull a Scheherazade and keep her entertained with stories. The tales he spins include a Bram Stoker story in which Steve Buscemi meeting a mummy, a Stephen King yarn in which David Johansen battles the world's most indestructible cat, and a variation of Japanese folklore in which Rae Dawn Chong hides a secret about gargoyles. Simply put, if you liked Tales from the Darkside the TV show, you'll pretty much like this.

TIL: Speaking of source material, skeptics like to note some similarities in certain Bible stories such as the Great Flood and similar stories in earlier myths. The wishful thinking seems to be that the existence of these antecedents somehow disprove what's in Scripture. Another way to consider such parallels, though, is that maybe something like the flood actually happened way back when and various civilizations interpreted it through the lens of their individual cultures. The goal then becomes to figure out which of those versions best reflects spiritual and/or historical reality. The Bible tends to win such arguments.

For Aleteia this week I take a look at the new documentary on our soon-to-be Saint, ‘Carlo Acutis: Roadmap to Reality’.

Saturday, April 26, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: APRIL 26, 2025

Invisible Ghost (1941) Bela Lugosi's wife abandons him, but shortly thereafter becomes brain damaged and starts showing up to stare vacantly through the windows. Whenever she does so, Bela slips into a trance and becomes a homicidal strangler. The thing is, he doesn't know he's doing it, and the number of people who might figure it out is slowly dwindling. Nobody's invisible and there is no ghost, but if you can live with the misleading title, this has a nice enough atmosphere to make it an easy way to fill an hour.

TIL: The movie may not have had an invisible ghost hanging around, but the world does. Pope Saint John Paul II spoke of the Holy Spirit as the “hidden God,” observable only through the effects of His actions in the world and the actions of those He resides within. Of course, just because He's invisible, that doesn't mean He's some impersonal force. The Holy Spirit is a person, meaning we have to develop a relationship with Him as we would anyone else. That can take time.

The Unholy (1988) After somehow miraculously surviving a fall from a skyscraper, Father Michael is sent to New Orleans to battle a demon who targets priests for temptation and murder. Following his acclaimed turn as a priest in The Assisi Underground, Ben Cross returns to the cassock in this lesser known (at least he probably hopes it is) late 80's horror outing. To be honest, the flick is on the mediocre side and the tempting more often than not involves little more than disrobed women. However, it does have plenty of rubber monster suit action, plus it's always nice to watch a film where the priest actually makes it to the finale with his vows intact and is portrayed as a hero for doing so.

TIL: Priestly celibacy (no marriage, therefore no sex) is not dogma, but rather a discipline imposed by the Latin Church after the turn of the first millennium when some priests started trying to leave Church property to their children. Celibacy has become to be viewed as a gift that God bestows on priests who, like the unmarried Jesus before them, can extend to all people the familial love usually reserved for spouses and children. So far, the discipline seems to have been a net positive for the Church. Naysayers have tried to link celibacy to sexual abuse; however, as celibate priests account for less than 1% of total child sexual abuse cases in most countries, that theory is patently stupid.

Sunday, April 20, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: APRIL 20, 2025

Gamera vs. Barugon (1966) When a ginormous opal turns out to be an egg (when will people in movies learn giant oval things are always an egg), it hatches the monstrous Barugon. This doesn't sit well with Gamera, who returns from space to save the world. But can even the terrific terrapin survive Barugon's phallic ice-spray tongue or the even more destructive rainbow death ray that shoots out of Barugon's back? Yes, rainbow death ray. Look, it's a Gamera movie. If you can't go along with a rainbow death ray, you shouldn't even be here.

TIL: Most everyone knows the story of God putting a rainbow in the sky as a promise to Noah that He wouldn't destroy the world anymore until it's absolutely the right time. However, they usually forget it shows up again in John's vision of Heaven in Revelation where the apostle sees a rainbow encircling the throne of God. It's a call back to the lid (named the mercy seat) which covered the Ark of the Covenant, and it symbolizes that even at the end of all things, God is encompassed with mercy.

Bride of Frankenstein (1935) Still recovering from the mental and physical wounds suffered during the first movie, Dr. Frankenstein wants nothing to do with  the flamboyant Dr. Pretorius' plans to create a mate for the quite alive but horribly lonely creature. However, after Pretorius convinces the mopey monster to kidnap Frankenstein's wife Elizabeth, the sullen scientist reluctantly agrees to the experiment. The rest is true celluloid history. From Karloff's sympathetic performance to Whales' subversive humor, just about everything works here, even the Bride's signature fright-wig hairdo. Likely to forever have a spot on the list of greatest sequels ever made.

TIL: To modern audiences, it's pretty obvious the super-gay Pretorius wants to conceive with Frankenstein without any of that messy female stuff mucking up the process. Now, the Church does not condemn all uses of technology to help with conception. However, it does conclude that any method that doesn't involve sex between the husband and the wife is immoral because it does violence to the dignity of the human person and the institution of marriage. As Pope Pius XII put it, "To reduce the common life of a husband and wife and the conjugal act to a mere organic function for the transmission of seed would be but to convert the domestic hearth, the family sanctuary, into a biological laboratory."

Saturday, April 19, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: APRIL 19, 2024


Killer Workout (1987) Rhonda Johnson owns the hottest fitness club in L.A. However, business starts to drop off a little once someone begins using a giant safety pin to slash up her clients. Could the grisly murders have anything to do with the tragic tanning bed accident which befell Rhonda's twin sister a few years earlier? With at least 20%-25% of the film devoted to spandex-clad exercisers gyrating to 80's bands you've never heard of, this is hardly the best entry in the aerobicide sub-genre (yes, such a thing exists). But c'mon, a giant safety pin? That's slasher gold right there.

TIL: With its required routine of sit, stand, kneel, stand, etc., participation in Mass is often jokingly referred to as Catholic aerobics. The movements have meaning, though. Genuflecting before you take your seat is a sign of reverence. Standing at certain points like the reading of the Gospels is a symbol of honor and respect. Kneeling and bowing signifies adoration and gratitude, especially before the presence of Christ in the Eucharist. Even sitting in the pews itself has meaning as a posture of listening and receptivity. So, when it comes to Catholic aerobics, there's devotion in the motion.

Now Showing at a Blog Near You: The guys over at The Official List of 100 Movies Every Catholic Should See have recently finished their list of... well, 100 Movies Every Catholic Should See.

Friday, April 18, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: APRIL 18, 2025

 

Dr. Cyclops (1940) A group of notable biological experts travel to the Peruvian jungle only to discover the mad scientist who invited them has bad eyesight and just needed someone to look in his microscope. When the biologists get testy over such a slight, the scientist shrinks them to doll size and chases them into the wild. Revenge is plotted. The story is pretty rote, but the three-strip technicolor and Oscar-nominated special effects are worth the intermittent trudging. Besides, without this, those of us who were kids in the 70's would likely have never gotten Dr. Shrinker, and that would have been a crying shame.

TIL: Jesus said, "The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness." Now, the Lord wasn't condemning the vision impaired. As St. Gregory Thaumaturgus (don't hear that last name too much anymore) explained, "The single eye is the love unfeigned; for when the body is enlightened by it, it sets forth through the medium of the outer members only things which are perfectly correspondent with the inner thoughts. But the evil eye is the pretended love, which is also called hypocrisy, by which the whole body of the man is made darkness."


Vampires (1998) The original bloodsucker Valek is looking for a an ancient relic that would make vampires immune to sunlight. It's a good thing the Catholic Church has been raising Jack Crow since he was a child to be her master slayer of the undead. This barely broke even when it was released and has never been highly regarded but, like many of Carpenter's lesser works, Vampires is aging better than it has any right too. With James Woods leading the cast in a bevy of unhinged performances, it gets by on entertainment value alone.

TIL: In the novel Dracula, Van Helsing acknowledges all of the Vampire Lord's supernatural powers, but notes his greatest asset is mankind's total rejection of religion in favor of secular scientism, the misguided belief that science is the best or only way to render truth about the world and reality. He says, "For in this enlightened age, when men believe not even what they see, the doubting of wise men would be [Dracula's] greatest strength. It would be at once his sheath and his armor, and his weapons to destroy us, his enemies."

Wednesday, April 09, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: APRIL 9,. 2024

 

The Toxic Avenger (1984) Bullies force 98-pound weakling Melvin into a barrel of toxic waste which horribly disfigures the put-upon janitor, but also grants him superhuman strength which he uses to dismember local nogoodniks like Bozo, Slug, and Cigar Face. This disrupts the criminal empire of Tromaville's crooked mayor, who decides to frame Melvin for murder. What's a grotesque superhero to do? What we think of as Troma Entertainment starts here and it pretty much defies criticism. You either grok with its weird combination of lowest of low-brow humor and semi-socialist vibes or you don't.

TIL: As Christians are called to be good stewards of God's creation, the responsible handling of industry's toxic waste is a no-brainer. However, at a 2009 synod, Pope Benedict XVI warned of another form of toxic waste to be wary of. He noted, "There is absolutely no doubt that the so-called 'First' World has exported up to now and continues to export its spiritual toxic waste that contaminates the peoples of other continents, particularly those of Africa." What wastes was he speaking of? That would be the West's toxic materialism and lack of moral values. God expects us to clean those up as well.

For Aleteia this week I take a look at 'The King of Kings' which is tailor-made for kids (as Dickens intended), but just might have something for grown-ups as well.

Thursday, April 03, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: APRIL 3, 2025


Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) After King Arthur assembles his knights, God sends them on a quest for… oh, come on, you know the story, or you should if schools are doing their jobs. And, if you're of a certain age, you know every word in this movie. The website Ranker has a number of lists devoted to the most quoted movies of all time and Monty Python and the Holy Grail is always in the top five. Deservedly so, as it never gets any less funny no matter how many times you watch it. And anyone who disagrees with that is simply an empty-headed animal food trough wiper, and I… well, you can finish the line yourself.

TIL: Check out any list of the most quoted books of all time and the Christian Bible is invariably at the top. As an article at MSN puts it, "The Bible is not just a religious text; it is a cultural artifact that has influenced art, music, and law. Its teachings, such as 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,' resonate across cultures and generations, offering a moral compass for billions… This timeless tome continues to guide individuals and shape societies, making it a cornerstone of Western civilization." So, even if you aren't Christian, accurate knowledge of the Bible is a must if you want to claim any understanding of the world in which we live.

Slither (2006) A small town blowhard is infected with an alien parasite bent on becoming the only consciousness on the planet. Along with being transformed into a tentacled mess, the poor guy's also compelled to impregnate the local floozy with thousands of slug-like larvae that explode forth to take over everyone they can get inside. Soon, it's up to a small handful of uninfected to stop the growing hive-mind from taking over Earth. James Gunn's feature directorial debut showcases the beginnings of the wit and visual flare that would soon become his trademark, but the gross-out effects let you know he definitely earned his filmmaking diploma working for Troma.

TIL: While we can only speculate as to what exactly the state of being we call Heaven will be like, one thing for certain is that it will not be a hive mind; we will not be absorbed into the consciousness of God and lose our individuality. Since we were created with free will, which God will not remove, and promised glorified versions of our existing bodies, this pretty much ensures we'll remain rational individuals. Yes, the singular focus of each person will be on glorifying God (why wouldn't it be), but the expressions of that focus will likely be as varied as the number of people there.

Thursday, March 27, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: MARCH 27, 2025

 

Tomb of Torture (1963) Someone with a really messed up face kills two girls in a castle where a countess was long ago murdered. Unaware of those events and plagued by visions that she is the reincarnation of the dead noblewoman, a young(ish) woman and her father travel to the castle looking for answers. They don't like the ones they find. The film tries valiantly to be a Bava-esque gothic thriller, but the unfortunate choice of cartoonish library music makes the whole thing feel like a hard PG-13 episode of Scooby Doo.

TIL: "Music, great music", Pope Benedict XVI remarked after attending a concert by Chinese pianist Jin Ju, "distends the spirit, arouses profound emotions and almost naturally invites us to raise our minds and hearts to God in all situations of human existence, the joyful and the sad. Music can become prayer." Of course, the qualifier there is the word great. The choice of lackluster or inappropriate music, be it at church or on a movie soundtrack, can ruin the desired atmosphere.

Still Voices: Gamera vs. Jiger (1970) - "And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be." - Dr. Seuss

Tuesday, March 18, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: MARCH 18, 2025

Funny Book Philosophy: Nighthawk 001 (1998) Remembering that time Nighthawk ran into Daredevil at mass and Matt gives him a quick lesson on Easter.

Monday, March 17, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: MARCH 17, 2025


Adam and Eve (1983) After getting the boot from Eden, the titular couple run afoul of pterodactyl puppets and a guy dressed in a bear suit seemingly made by a special effects person who only vaguely remembers what a bear is supposed to look like. They also interact with various Cro-Magnons and Neanderthals, one of whom Eve temporarily hooks up with after her and Adam have a spat. The movie never really explains why all of this stuff might have been left out of the Bible, but if one had to guess, it's probably because it's all so abysmally dull.

TIL: Scripture doesn't mention what takes place between Adam and Eve's expulsion from Eden and the birth of Cain because, well, it just doesn't matter to the story of salvation history the Bible is telling. Still, people like to imagine what might have gone on in the narrative gaps. The Church is fine with such noodling as long as the resulting guesses take into account the living traditions of the Church and don't contradict what is theologically certain. It might also be a good idea to leave out the pterodactyls, at least if you want to be taken seriously.

One Sheet Words of Wisdom: Adam and Eve l(1983) "Had Adam tenderly reproved his wife, and endeavored to lead her to repentance instead of sharing in her guilt, I should be much more ready to accord to man that superiority which he claims." - Sarah Moore Grimke

Thursday, March 06, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: MARCH 6, 2025



Rasputin the Mad Monk (1966) We begin the story with the already notorious Rasputin as he seems to miraculously heal an innkeeper's wife, after which he immediately seduces the man's daughter. Just giving God some sins worth forgiving, Rasputin claims. After that, the alleged holy man heads for Saint Petersburg where he worms his way into the good graces of the Russian royal family. Nothing good happens after that. Actually, there's very little historical accuracy here, but who cares when you've got Christopher Lee going hard as the hypnotic huckster.

TIL: How did some high ranking members of the Orthodox Church fall for Rasputin's schtick? Didn't any of them read 2 Cor 11 where it says, "For if someone comes and preaches another Jesus than the one we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it well enough… For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, who masquerade as apostles of Christ." You'd think Rasputin's teaching that you could drive out sin with sin would have been a clue something was off.

Friday, February 21, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 21, 2025

One Million Years B.C. (1966) After Tumak of the dark-haired Rock tribe is exiled to the desert by his father, he hooks up with Loana of the fair-haired Shell tribe. Alas, the pair's Pebbles and Bamm Bamm romance does nothing to cool relations between the two tribes and it looks like war is on the horizon. However, the local volcano may have something to say about things. Completely ahistorical (what fossil records?) and really thin on story, this is mostly remembered these days for Ms. Fuzzy Britches herself, Raquel Welch, running around in a leather bikini while being chased by stop-motion dinosaurs.

TIL: The use of the labels A.D. (anno domini/in the year of the lord) and B.C. (before Christ) started in the year 525 when a monk named Dionysius started utilizing A.D. to count the years since the traditionally recognized birth of Jesus. The Venerable Bede added B.C. to the system in 731 and Charlemagne officially adopted the usage of both labels sometime in the ninth century. The attempts to replace the labels with B.C.E. (before common era) and C.E. (common era) started around 1715 but the new labels have never caught on as much as non-Christians would like. I mean, you still have to explain why it's the common era, so it's really kind of lame.

Sunday, February 09, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 9, 2025

Midnight Offerings (1981) Were you a fan of the old M-TV show Celebrity Deathmatch but were disappointed they never did a Waltons vs. Little House on the Prairie episode? Not to worry, ABC's Movie of the Week has you covered. It's Erin Walton vs. Mary Ingalls as two teen witches dueling to the death (eventually) for the affection of their high school's resident heartthrob. Sure it's silly, but played so dead serious you can't help but just go with it. Who knew such family friendly femmes could be so fatal?

TIL: Making offerings to deities is an ancient cross-cultural thing. However, according to Genesis, the origin of the practice goes back to humanity's beginning with Cain‘s gift of the fruits of the earth to Jehovah. The Catholic Encyclopedia notes, "at the root of all oblations is the idea that God has a claim upon man, his possessions, and the fruits of his labors, and is pleased at receiving an acknowledgment of His sovereignty." That notion remains as part of the small offerings we make these days like fasting, tithing, or charitable actions.


The Monster Walks (1932) An heiress and her fiancé arrive at her ancestral estate only to find (1) everybody there hates her guts because the family's patriarch left her all the money, and (2) her dearly departed dad was conducting weird experiments in the basement. All of that can mean only one thing. You guessed it, there's a homicidal ape loose in the house. Look, I don't know where all these rich people in the 30's and 40's got their apes, but if the glut of old dark house movies from that time period are any indication, every mansion came with at last one. Anyway, this is a lesser effort in the ape in an old dark house subgenre, but if will do if you've already seen the better ones.

TIL: Apes have no religion, but Jane Goodall often wondered if they had some kind of inner life, especially after watching them seemingly contemplate nature with what seemed to be awe and wonder. “Why wouldn’t they also have feelings of some kind of spirituality?” she asked. Alas, Michael Egnor at Mind Matters notes that every study conducted so far indicates, "Apes can’t contemplate spirituality-God, the afterlife, morality, salvation-because they can’t contemplate anything... Abstraction is beyond the reach of animal minds, because abstraction is an immaterial power of the mind, and only humans have immaterial thoughts." That's a shame, because I really wanted to use potential ape spirituality to make a joke about the I'm spiritual but not religious crowd.

Monday, February 03, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: FEBRUARY 3, 2025


The Sleeping Car (1990) A sad sack divorced thirtysomething heading back to college to finish his degree rents an old locomotive sleeping car decked out for student housing. Unbeknownst to him, the car's last occupant was an alcoholic serial-killing train engineer whose spiteful spirit still haunts the sofa. In no time, the lethal love seat kills anyone who stops by for a visit. No lie. It's a promising weird setup boosted by the presence of the always affable David Naughton. Sadly, it never quite gels and the film ultimately feels like lukewarm 80's leftovers.

TIL: For 30 years prior to WWI, The St. Anthony of Padua chapel rail car carried the sacraments to areas of the U.S. that had no Catholic Church. Spearheaded by Oklahoma City’s Bishop Francis Kelley, the idea was was initially opposed by his Archbishop who, true to his Franciscan roots, felt that a heated railroad car with bedrooms and a kitchen was far too luxurious a way for missionaries to travel. But Pope Pius IX loved the idea and gave it his blessing. Actually, the Baptists, Russian Orthodox, and Episcopalians also had cars on the rails, but the Catholic car was the most popular, with 25,000 people in Boston alone turning out to see it.



SHORT FEATURE: HAIR - EASY TO BE HARD  Ordo Amoris? Yep, one of those old Catholic terms is actually in the news. Now, don't worry, we're not getting into politics (Blech!), we're just interested in the ideas itself. So, if you're looking for a defense or condemnation of how any particular politician thinks the principle of Ordo Amoris should be carried out, look elsewhere.

Aquinas (of course) spells out the general guidelines of Ordo Amoris, or the Order of Love if you prefer English. He notes, "One’s obligation to love a person is proportionate to the gravity of the sin one commits in acting against this love.” Basically, he's saying it's a sin not to prioritize those for whom we have greater responsibility.

Let's do a for instance. What if your neighbor's house catches on fire at the same time Los Angeles is burning down. Ideally, you'd be in the financial situation to aid both. But, if you're strapped, helping your neighbor has to come first. Yes, even if their dog yaps too much or they haven't returned those tools they borrowed. Really, it's just common sense.

Oddly enough, the point is made quite excellently in this clip from the musical Hair in which the character of Hud's fiancé shows up to tell him she's pregnant and he tells her to get lost because he's too busy being a part of the movement. This cause her to  break into song (and has anybody performed this better than Cheryl Barnes does here) lamenting how this socially conscious hippie is overlooking the very person he should be helping the most. Ordo Amoris is right there in the lyrics...

How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel...
Especially people who care about strangers
Who care about evil and social injustice
Do you only care about being proud
How about I need a friend, I need a friend

So yeah, Ordo Amoris, it's a thing.

Thursday, January 30, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JANUARY 30, 2025

Matinee (1993) Looking to capitalize on the dread generated by the Cuban missile crisis, master showman Lawrence Woolsey brings his latest celluloid extravaganza, Mant!, to a small Florida town. While teen drama and atomic paranoia run rampant around him, Woolsey prepares for the film's premier by setting up a number of gimmicks. These include having an actor dressed as the movie's half-man/half-ant monster terrorize ticket buyers and setting up large speakers to shake the auditorium, a gag he has dubbed Rumble-Rama. Once the lights go down, havoc erupts. This light hearted love letter to B-movies is a joy for film fanatics and John Goodman's performance as the William Castle wannabe will make you love him even more than you already do.

TIL: Writing in Crisis Magazine, Ronald J. Rychlak relates how, during the Cuban missile crisis, JFK sent a message to Pope John XXIII imploring him to help. The Pontiff responded with a radio address and letter published in newspapers all over the world, including Pravda, in which he begged for peace. Rychlak notes, "With his plea, Pope John XXIII had given Khrushchev a way out. By withdrawing now, he would be seen as a man of peace, not a coward." This, along with the U.S. and Russia agreeing to withdraw missiles form strategic locations, managed to calm things down. As Rychlak explains, "Pope John’s role in the resolution of the Cuban missile crisis is often overlooked, but it was very important. It also helped move the world in a positive direction."


The Incredible Shrinking Woman (1981) Overexposure to a variety of household chemicals causes suburban homemaker Pat Kramer to begin diminishing in size. This not only turns Pat into an overnight celebrity (a commercial product if you will), but also brings her to the attention of a cabal of mad scientists who want to shrink the world. They kidnap the now doll-sized Pat for experimentation, but she manages to find an unlikely ally in one of those super-intelligent gorillas mad scientists always have locked up in their labs. This early effort from Joel Schumacher featuring Lily Tomlin's comic take on the classic tale abandons metaphysics for satire of consumerism. The result is no gut-buster, but still makes for good family fun.

TIL: In his encyclical Centesimus Annus, St. Pope John Paul II noted that capitalism is the preferable economic system because, in theory, it encourages producers of goods to be attentive to the needs of others in order to be successful. However, he does warn that capitalism can lead to consumerism, a way of living in which people make consumer goods the source of their identity and the goal toward which their lives are oriented. As Fr. Richard John Neuhaus put it, "Consumerism is, quite precisely, the consuming of life by the things consumed." Or put another way, as we see in the movie's visual metaphor, consumerism eventually shrinks one's personhood until, finally, it simply disappears forever.

Sunday, January 26, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JANUARY 26, 2025

 

Vice Squad (1982) Unable to break the glass ceiling, a businesswoman changes her name to Princess and turns to the oldest form of entrepreneurship to make ends meet. Her new job goes okay until a fellow hooker dies following a savage rape and beating from her own pimp. Princess does her best to stay uninvolved, but soon finds herself coerced into helping the police track down the culprit. This could have easily slid into 80's exploitation obscurity except for one thing, Wings Hauser. The man is legendarily slimy as the world's most vile pimp, Ramrod, and his mere presence forces everyone else to bring it up a notch.

TIL: Victory over Vice was a series of talks given by the Venerable Fulton J. Sheen (and, like most of his stuff, eventually turned into a book) in which he used the seven last words of Christ on the Cross as a counter to the seven deadly sins. For example, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” is a perfect antidote to the vice of anger. Basically, his method boils down to four steps to overcome vices; introspection, avoiding sinful opportunities, willpower, and a right philosophy.


The Stendhal Syndrome (1996) An American detective tracking a serial rapist/murderer through Venice discovers she has the titular disorder, a mental condition which basically causes the brain to short circuit when viewing great works of art. Once her prey learns of the detective's weakness, he uses it to plot against her. Mind games and super weird plot twists ensue. Certainly nowhere near Argento's best movie but, notwithstanding some questionable character decisions (and kind of icky given the film's star is the director's daughter), it's probably his last really decent one.

TIL: Speaking on the effects of art, Jem Sullivan, Ph.D. notes, "There are many, many stories of people who are not believers, who are atheists, perhaps, or just secular people, and something about the beauty that they encounter either in nature or in a work of a beautiful work of art, a piece of beautiful music, brings them closer to God in some way that was unexpected. That’s the interesting thing about beauty: It takes us by surprise and has a hold on our attention for however long we’re engaged in the encounter with beauty. But it leaves us changed. It leaves us transformed."

Sunday, January 12, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JANUARY 12, 2025


The Relic (1997) Something is beheading people at the the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago and removing their hypothalami. With the help of some cantankerous cops, it's up to the institution's evolutionary biologists to determine what's going on, that is if they can literally keep their heads about them long enough to solve the mystery before the night of the museum's annual fundraising gala. With solid acting from the likes of Tom Sizemore and Penelope Ann Miller, not to mention a pretty nifty monster design, this is the kind of dependable B-level creature feature one could often find in cinemas before the millennium changed.

TIL: The act of placing a relic (a piece of a Saint's body) underneath the altar stone of a Catholic Church goes all the way back to Christianity's beginning when, by necessity, Christians assembled in the Catacombs. A letter from the 2nd Century mentions holding mass over the remains of St. Polycarp, noting, "we took up his bones, more valuable to us than precious stones and finer than refined gold. We laid them in a suitable place, where the Lord will permit us to gather ourselves together, as we are able, in gladness and joy.” The practice is not strictly required these days (there's only so many parts of Saints to go around), but it's still strongly encouraged.

The Night Stalker (1972) A number of bloodless corpses turn up along the Las Vegas Strip, leading investigative reporter Carl Kolchak to suspect a vampire is involved. Both his boss and the authorities tell him to back off the story, even after a man breaks into a blood bank and runs off after being shot multiple times. However, undeterred, Kolchak continues to pursue the story in the name of truth. The script is fairly boilerplate for an ABC movie of the week, but Darren McGavin's portrayal of the beatdown, gruff journalist is an instant classic and makes the movie a must watch. No wonder people clamored  for more.

TIL: Apologetics, meaning to give a reason or defense of an action, comes from the Greek word 'apologian'. That's the word which appears in the original texts of 1 Peter wherein the apostle encouraged Christians to, much like Kolchak, stand up for the truth no matter what. As he put it, we should "always be prepared to make a defense to any one who calls you to account for the hope that is in you, yet do it with gentleness and reverence; and keep your conscience clear, so that, when you are abused, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame."

Thursday, January 09, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JANUARY 9, 205

The Mutilator (1984) As a child, poor little Ed Jr. accidentally discharges a shotgun into his mother, causing his father Big Ed to have a violent psychotic break. Years later, Ed Jr. and his college buddies head to his family's beach condo for Fall Break (huh?), but someone with a lot of sharp implements lying around isn't happy about their arrival. Could it be Big Ed? Okay, so the Mutilator isn't big on mystery. What it does have, though, is a ludicrously happy opening theme song extolling Fall Break (is that a thing?) and a handful of brutal set pieces guaranteed to please readers of Fangoria.

TIL: Except when performed for strictly therapeutic medical reasons (i.e. cutting off a gangrened limb), the Church considers intentional amputations, mutilations, and sterilizations performed on innocent persons to be a violation against a moral understanding of bodily integrity This pretty much nixes anything from lopping off the hands of thieves to gender reassignment surgery. The only exception granted is for non-therapeutic circumcision. Parents can choose that for their child if they wish since the procedure was established by God himself as a sign of the Old Covenant, and therefore by definition cannot be immoral.

Dracula: Prince of Darkness (1966) Ten years following Dracula's dusting at the hands and cross of Van Helsing, two English couples touring the Carpathian Mountains get talked into staying at the Count's castle. After one of the men is sacrificed to resurrect Dracula, it's up to the tough-talking gun-toting Father Sandor to make sure things don't get out of hand. Christopher Lee's second time around as the titular lord of vampires is Hammer at its artistic peak. Lee actually never says a single word during the entire runtime and yet that somehow makes him all the more regal and menacing. Good stuff.

TIL: Prior to Dracula and Ozzy Osbourne laying claim to the title, the Prince of Darkness was one of the many monikers bestowed upon Satan. It doesn't appear in Scripture, though. The nomenclature first appears in John Milton's poem Paradise Lost published in 1667 where, despite the sinister implications of his sobriquet, the devil is portrayed in a way many interpreted as sympathetic. Don't believe it, though, said C. S. Lewis. In his forward to the 1941 edition of Milton's work, Lewis insists Milton "uses all his skill to make us regard Satan as a despicable human being" by focusing on his egotism and monomaniac concern with himself.

Saturday, January 04, 2025

DAILY CALL SHEET: JANUARY 4, 2025

An Evening of Edgar Allan Poe (1970) Vincent Price sits alone on a handful of dimly lit gothic looking stage sets and recites four Edgar Allan Poe stories: The Tell-Tale Heart, The Sphinx, The Cask of Amontillado, and The Pit and the Pendulum. Les Baxter adds a little music here and there. That's all there is to this televised one-man show and that's all you need. Say what you want to about Price's particular acting style (though it better be said with respect around these parts), but his technique couldn't work more perfectly than it does here as the beloved thespian appears to have been born to interpret the master's works.

TIL: It's a shame Price didn't read Poe's "Catholic Hymn", originally published as part of the story Morella. It goes like this: Sancta Maria! turn thine eyes - Upon the sinner’s sacrifice - Of fervent prayer, and humble love, - From thy holy throne above. - At morn, at noon, at twilight dim, - Maria! thou hast heard my hymn, - In joy and wo, in good and ill, - Mother of God! be with me still. - When my hours flew gently by, - And no storms were in the sky, - My soul, lest it should truant be, - Thy love did guide to thine and thee. - Now, when clouds of Fate o’ercast - All my Present, and my Past, - Let my Future radiant shine - With sweet hopes of thee and thine.


Satan's Satellites (1958) Realizing Mars is too far from the sun to grow crops, Martians decide that rather than wasting time conquering the Earth or, you know, simply asking for help, they'll use a hydrogen bomb to move our planet out of the way so Mars can be scooted closer to Sol. It's up to cut-rate Commander Cody stand-in Larry Martin to foil their plans. This is just the Republic serial Zombies of the Stratosphere trimmed of all its cock-a-doodie cliffhanger nonsense to make it suitable for quick and easy viewing. Notable mostly for a young Leonard Nimoy showing up in Martian makeup.

TIL: Based on comments in Aquinas and Augustine, there are a number of folks who believe UFOs/UAPs are not from another planet, but from another plain of existence. Angels and demons, the Saints noted, are pure intelligence with no corporeal bodies, but they can assume physical bodies. And though they can't do miracles, they can affect things in the physical world by using certain material elements. Given this, some believe the unexplained phenomena in our skies are spiritual beings engaged in cosmic warfare. Some might be friendly while others could be... Satan's satellites. Well, it's a theory anyway.