WEEKLY NEWSREEL

 

Good evening Mr. & Mrs. Catholic and all you other Christians at sea. "The eyes of faith" says the Catechism, "can discover in the context of the whole of Revelation the mysterious reasons why God in his saving plan wanted his Son to be born of a virgin." The eyes, in our head, however, often need help just seeing our own hands in front of our own faces. No wonder then that the U. S. Department of Labor estimates that there are over 33,000 active optometrists in the United States alone. There are, however, more people fooling around in the eyewear business than just the pros and they can be, well, a little weird. And that's just the kind of stories The Newsreel is here to bring you. Now off to press.

DATELINE: PITTSBURGH - WINDOWS OF THE SOUL, HMM?

"Modesty is decency. It inspires one's choice of clothing." claims the Catechism. If this is true, then all of you single ladies out there in need of eyewear may want to switch from glasses to contacts. The AP newswire reports that Dr. Thomas Friberg of The University of Pittsburgh's Eye and Ear Institute has found that intense sexual activity can lead to a spike in blood pressure, possibly causing a hemorrhage in the eye. “This is really rare, considering the amount of sexual activity that goes on" says Dr. Friberg, "but I would assume there are other patients out there who just don’t report it." If this is indeed the case, might we one day see the need for glasses replacing the smoking of cigarettes as a sure sign of, shall we say, moral laxity amongst young unmarried women? The thicker the lens the bigger the hussy? Not quite the message you were hoping to send with those designer frames you just dropped 200 bucks on is it ladies?

DATELINE: TEXAS - PIERCING VISIONS, AMONG OTHER THINGS

Speaking of designer frames, BMEzine (That's BM as in body modification, not the other BM the doctor sometimes asks about) brings us the story of James Sooy. It seems this avid body piercer has invented a pair of templeless spectacles in which the lenses instead hang from a small barbell inserted through the loose flesh at the bridge of the nose. "They feel exactly like a regular pair of glasses" Mr. Sooy says, "I put the nose pads on to keep them from swinging around, so all the pressure is placed there." As for downsides, Mr. Sooy admits, "Taking them on and off is a bit of a hassle, as it involves taking a tiny screwdriver and unscrewing them while they’re on my face." "Lord grant me a steady hand and watchful eye" goes the motorists prayer, but it seems appropriate here also. In case of sneezing during removal, however, we recommend Saint Lucy as a backup.

DATELINE: GERMANY - PRETTY FLY FOR SOME WHITE LAB COAT GUYS

Oddly enough, those aren't the silliest pair of glasses our intrepid Newsreel reporters ran across this week. National Geographic News passes along the tale of German manufacturer Micreon who has invented a pair of tiny fly-sized spectacles in order to showcase their high precision laser micro-machining process. The photo at the top of this post "shows a fly sporting a set of "designer" lenses crafted and set in place with a cutting-edge laser technique. The glasses fit snuggly on the fly's 0.08-inch-wide (2-millimeter-wide) head." The fly, who already possessed compound eye lenses and 360 degree vision, could not be reached for comment. However, with an expected life span of only 10 to 25 days, we think it's safe to assume he's not too happy over being held captive and having a useless hunk of sub-micronic metal strapped to his face. Still, the ability to work on this diminutive scale should inspire humility as we contemplate our own tiny place in the vastness of creation. Quoting St. Augustine, the Catechism exclaims, "You are great, O Lord, and greatly to be praised: great is your power and your wisdom is without measure. And man, so small a part of your creation, wants to praise you." Amen.

And we can't think of a better note to end the final post of 2007 on than that, so we bid everyone a Happy New Year and we'll see you in a few days for the start of our John Carpenter film fest. Quoting, as always, the great Les Nessman, good evening, and may the good news be yours.

NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

We've finally escaped the dreaded fall movie season and entered into that strange mixture of popcorn cinema and academy award bait that is the holidays at the cineplex.

Paul J. Cella from What’s Wrong with the World leads things off with a look at Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner hunting terrorists in The Kingdom. He finds the film flawed but noteworthy for a number of reasons including it's "clearheaded" depiction of Islamic terrorism.

While Jamie is busy with jihadists in Saudi Arabia, his Ali co-star Will Smith is off in the near-future fighting CGI mutants in I Am Legend. John W. Morehead at TheoFantastique finds this third adaptation of Richard Matheson's novel thought provoking in the way it "taps into several contemporary fears of late modern Westerners, such as apocalypticism at our own hands, genetic engineering gone awry, widespread death by disease, fears of loneliness, societal breakdown and the resulting massive chaos, and questions about meaning and purpose in response to an apparently nihilistic and godless universe." Pretty heady stuff for a Big Willy flick.

Apparently not quite as deep is the latest installment of Nick Cage's new franchise National Treasure: Book Of Secrets. Nevertheless, Andrew of Anglican Orthodoxy considers the movie "an entertaining diversion and keeps you on the edge of your seat, even if its plot is a bit outlandish."

You might think outlandish would also be a fit description for Sweeney Todd, Tim Burton's film adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's broadway musical. Allen, from the appropriately titled It Came From Allen's Brain, however, discovered it to be "a very well-made film. Nice camera work, effective lighting, quality acting, impressive art direction. Oh! and a guy singing a love song to his razors--what's not to love about that?" Sounds like a review after my own heart.

Nowhere near my heart is the CGI/live action take on Alvin And The Chipmunks which is inexplicably doing well at the box office. Sr Rose Pacatte,FSP director of the Pauline Center for Media Studies tries to be positive in her review, but ultimately admits that the film "suffers from too many writers (three) who don't know what they want to say - at least it seems that way." In her defense for even going to see the thing, looking over the other movies from this week, it was probably the only film suitable to take her two nephews to.

That should give everyone plenty to choose from until next week when, hopefully, someone gets around to seeing Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem and let's us know if it's any good. Come on, it's got a Predalien in it, how bad could it be?

SHORT FEATURE: MR. MAGOO MEETS FRANKENSTEIN

While eyewear plays a big part in this week's feature attraction, not everybody needs it to get by. Case in point, one Quincy Magoo. Can't see his hand in front of his face but always comes out smelling like a rose anyway. What's his secret?

"We walk by faith, not by sight" quotes the Catechism, "we perceive God as "in a mirror, dimly" and only "in part." A man of faith has more ways of seeing than just with his eyes. He has "the interior helps of the Holy Spirit, who moves the heart and converts it to God, who opens the eyes of the mind and 'makes it easy for all to accept and believe the truth."

If Magoo really is an "eyes of the mind" type guy, then maybe he's the only one in the cartoon who truly sees things as they really are while everyone else constantly trips over their own selfish desires which they misconceive as reality.

The Matrix totally ripped off Mr. Magoo.

COMING ATTRACTIONS: THEY LIVE

I hope everyone likes John Carpenter movies, because I like me some John Carpenter movies, and I'm closing out the first year of this blog with a marathon of John Carpenter movies. The next three or four reviews will feature some of the director's lower-budgeted lesser-viewed fare which, not coincidently, happen to be some of my favorites. Let's get the ball rolling with one of the best movies ever made starring a professional wrestler, 1988's They Live.

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS

TAGLINE

Blast off for Mars with Santa and a pair of Earth kids! Science-Fun-Fiction at its height!

THE PLOT

After centuries of machine-induced learning and suppression of any frivolous thoughts, the children of Mars (at least the only two we ever see) are becoming zombies. Acting on the advice of their 800 year old sage, the adult Martians set out to kidnap Santa Claus from Earth and bring him to their planet so Martian children can experience the joys of childhood. Complications arise when, along with Santa, the Martians are forced to take captive two Earth children who witnessed their arrival. The eeevil Martian Voldar, who fears the results of introducing fun into Martian society, makes a number of attempts to murder Santa and the kids, but is easily thwarted by a bit of the old Kris Kringle magic. All is not well, however, as Santa learns his captors plan to keep him on Mars... forever (ever...ever...ever). And Christmas is just a few days away! With the precious seconds ticking away, the right jolly old elf must find a way to vanquish Voldar for good, ensure happiness for the Martian children, and get back to Earth in time to make his Christmas Eve run.

THE POINT

No one would have believed in the middle years of the twentieth century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences at least one or two points greater than man's and yet as obviously confused as his own. No one gave a thought to the older worlds of space as sources of human danger, because, what with all our telescopes and whatnot, we would have spotted people on Mars years ago. Yet across the gulf of space, intellects vast and cool and devoid of fashion sense, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us. Those plans were, of course, to steal Santa Claus.

What, you were expecting an invasion of indestructible tripods or something? Not from these Martians, folks. This is a society which is capable of direct insertion of knowledge into the brain, and yet they still sit around all day and watch television programming... even if they have to get it from another planet. This is a society capable of interstellar travel, and yet they still need to place big signs on the machinery of their spacecraft in order to explain its function... signs written in Earth English no less. This is a society which ultimately approves of Dropo as an acceptable replacement for Santa Claus; Dropo, a mentally impaired Joe Besser wannabe already singled out as the laziest man on Mars. This is a society which has invented the Tickle Ray... for what purposes I don't even want to know. When you get right down to it, the society of Mars as depicted in this movie is basically Idiocracy, except with really, REALLY stupid people.

It's the only explanation for the decisions they make regarding their children. That, or they just plain hate them. And it's not just the whole hooking them up to a machine to learn thing. (We've already started doing that on Earth with the Internet.) Nor is it the replacement of chocolate cake with flavored food pellets. (Dippin' Dots anyone?) And it's probably not even the lack of proper physical affection. (The Martian equivalent of a hug goodnight is apparently a head-butt.) No, these things are just symptoms of the main problem which is, bluntly stated, that Martians plain suck at being parents.

You get your first hint of this at the very beginning of the film when the camera pans back from a news report on Santa to show Girmar and Bomar (Girl Martian and Boy Martian? That's you're script, folks.) watching the show on Mars. Their father Kimar expresses his dissatisfaction over his children watching these Earth shows, but not once does he simply reach over and cut the TV off. What's the deal? These guys can sick a killer robot on Santa and callously blast Mrs. Claus and the elves with paralysis rifles, but they're afraid to tell their own kids to change the channel? Even if they don't want to confront the kids directly, the Martians demonstrate radar blocking technology (at least that's what the big sign on the machine says it does), you would think they could at least come up with parental blocks to filter out objectionable content on television. But no, they just let the kids keep sitting in front of the tube watching programming which is obviously detrimental to their mental well-being.

This monumental lack of display of parental authority is immediately followed up by some, shall we say, questionable role modeling. Rather than addressing the situation by spending some time with their children and working out a meaningful solution, the Martian adults (even their so-called wise man) decide to throw toys at the problem. They even go so far as to kidnap an old man and force him into slave labor just to make them. Now that's parenting!

The kids aren't buying it, however. After about a hour of this kind of nonsense in which the children are force fed Santa as a solution to their depression, all the while being constantly badgered to laugh at increasingly unfunny jokes and puns (This is no exaggeration. Watch this video [if you dare] to see every laugh in the movie condensed into a three minute video and you'll see what I mean.), the kids have had enough. In a scene which could easily be set to the strains of Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It!", Santa arms the children with toys and lets them loose in an effort to subdue Volmar. It's a scene full of quick cuts and lots of movement, but through the magic of DVD single-frame advance you can see what's actually going on. In short, these kids go (to borrow a term from our pal Father Erik over at Orthometer) batshit crazy as years of frustration are poured out onto an unsuspecting Volmar. Look at the picture at the top of this post and tell me I'm lying.

A 2006 study entitled "Parents and Peers in Relation to Early Adolescent Problem Behavior" found that "the correlation between inadequate parenting control was more strongly associated with youths' internalizing problems (e.g. depression and unhappiness) than with externalizing problems (e.g. antisocial behavior)." And we see that somber disposition in the Martian children juxtaposed with wishy-washy parents right from the very beginning of the film. Oh sure, having just beaten Volmar into a near pulp, the kids are all smiles at the end of the movie. But for how long? The spastic nightmare that is Dropo Claus is ultimately no substitute for a strong and involved father.

"The fecundity of conjugal love cannot be reduced solely to the procreation of children" claims the Catechism, "but must extend to their moral education and their spiritual formation... Authority, stability, and a life of relationships within the family constitute the foundations for freedom, security, and fraternity within society." Everything starts at home. And with the family holding such a place of importance, it's only fitting that immediately following the celebration of the birth of Christ, we are asked to contemplate our individual roles as members of a family. With the occasional exception, the first Sunday after Christmas is set aside by the Church for the celebration of the Feast of the Holy Family. As Rev. Bernard Strasser, O.S.B. explains, "The general breakdown of the family... at the end of the past century and at the beginning of our own, prompted the popes, especially the far-sighted Leo XIII, to promote the observance of this feast with the hope that it might instill into Christian families something of the faithful love and the devoted attachment that characterize the family of Nazareth. The primary purpose of the Church in instituting and promoting this feast is to present the Holy Family as the model and exemplar of all Christian families."

That seems like a tall order, asking us to contemplate on how to mold our families into a version of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. But I invite you again to take a look at the picture at the top of this blog and contemplate on just what could happen if we don't.

THE STINGER

"In the Gospel we do not find speeches on the family but an event that is worth more than any word: God willed to be born and to grow up in a human family. In this way, He has consecrated the family as the first and ordinary way of His encounter with humanity." - Pope Benedict XVI speaking on the Feast of the Holy Family in 2006.

BRAIN WRAP!

A brain wrap, for those of you who never spent any time lurking in the dark labyrinthine corridors running above the concession stands and Tivoli lined auditoriums, is slang used by projectionists to describe a situation in which the film exiting the vertical feed platter via the payout unit (the brain) tangles up into a hopeless mass of celluloid. It's nigh impossible to repair quickly and sometimes even results in the cancellation of the show. In short, it's all screwed up!

Thanks to a nasty flu virus, a truncated work week and the standard holiday demands, the B-Movie Catechism is experiencing a major league brain wrap. We're not canceling the show (NO REFUNDS!) but we will be delayed for a few days as we splice everything back together into working order. Until then, you might want to check out some of the following movie related links.

Allen from It Came From Allen's Brain offers up his own review of this week's feature, Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. He pretty much covers just about every conceivable spiritual implication in the film, so who knows what I'll be able to come up with.

Rather than wait for the inevitable Hollywood re-imagining, The Sci-Fi Catholic's D. G. D. Davidson offers up the first part of his screenplay: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians: The Remake! With dialog like "Son of a $!#$%!! Santa, he's got a missile lock!" how can you go wrong?

Mark LaBelle over at Arrival: The Parousian Weblog asks the burning question What do the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have to do with the Church? Come on, you know you want to know the answer.

And finally, writing for Christian Halloween Fan, Lint Hatcher & Rob Bennett take a long look at monster fan symbology and How Monsters Reveal What Matters Most. (The website doesn't allow individual page links, but the article isn't hard to find.)

That should hold everyone over until I get this mess straightened out. And don't worry, kids, Santa Claus will still get here by Christmas and he'll still conquer the Martians. I guarantee it.

FILM CLUB: HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL

With all of the usual "hey, can you fit in one more assignment before the holidays" stuff going on this week, I almost forgot to post this month's Film Club movie. With everything so hectic, I thought I would choose something light hearted this time around. (Not like last time was anything heavy or anything.) I haven't watched this in a long time, but it's an old favorite and very fun. I hope everyone feels inspired to drop a few comments to include in the review, but even if you don't, you're sure to enjoy...

HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL (1959) "A perennial favorite of the "Shock Theatre" TV circuit, House on Haunted Hill stars Vincent Price as sinister gent (you're surprised?) Frederick Loren, who owns a sinister mansion on a sinister hill, where seven murders have occurred. He makes a proposal to several strangers, offering $10,000 to anyone who can last the entire night. Loren festively gives each of his guests a tiny coffin containing a loaded handgun, designed to protect them from the spooks that emerge in the house over the course of the night."

The guidelines for participating are simple:

1. Watch the movie (at least as much of it as you can take). The entire film can be viewed in it's entirety at Google Video which has a full screen option. The movie can also be downloaded for free from The Internet Archive in a number of formats. (Don't worry, it's in the public domain, so Thou Shalt Not Steal doesn't come into play.) If at all possible, try to keep any future movie suggestions limited to what's available through these same sources.

2. Sometime within the next three weeks send me an email at eegahinc@gmail.com with a short paragraph or two commenting on the film, preferably including any ideas it may have brought to mind regarding religion or a related topic. If you prefer to write a full review for your own blog, just provide me with the link.

3. By the end of the third week I'll assemble all the comments, along with the usual plot synopsis and such, and post the results. Everybody is welcome to cross-post any and all comments on their own blogs, just remember to kindly link back to whomever's comments you use. (A link back here would be nice also.)

4. And please remember this is an exercise of your God given free will. No one is to hold The B-Movie Catechism responsible for any mental anguish resulting from viewing the selection of the month.

That's all there is to it. Hope everyone enjoys the rest of Advent and the Christmas season.

WEEKLY NEWSREEL

Good evening Mr. & Mrs. Catholic, and all you other Christians at sea.  We here at the Newsreel will go to any lengths to see that you get stories from off the beaten path tread by other agencies. In this instance, that length is roughly 35 million miles as we travel to the planet Mars. Best to go while it's so close. Now off to press.

DATLINE: MARS - SLIP SLIDING AWAY

Word from the Planetary Society is that the aging Mars exploration rovers Spirit and Opportunity could be in for a long winter. Spirit, whose power-collecting solar panels are already covered in dust from summer storms, is in particular trouble as it is further from the equator than Opportunity and will experience harsher winter temperatures. "The negative impact on the rover's energy is a no-brainer." say the scientists, "Spirit's power levels in all probability will plummet to life-threatening levels as winter sets in." We wonder if St. Joseph Cupertino, patron saint of astronauts, would be interested in helping the little guy out through the winter. Not for the machine's sake, of course, but for the sake of whatever good might come from the knowledge provided by the robot's explorations. For those who just have to know, St. Joe earned his patronage by spontaneously levitating, in front of witnesses, on at least 70 occasions. While never acknowledging anything supernatural in the occurrences, the later Church found descriptions of Joseph's slow fluid movements through midair reminiscent enough of an astronaut in space to give him his title.

DATELINE: CALIFORNIA - JOHN O'CONNOR, INSTALL MY OSCILLATION OVERTHRUSTER!

Without the benefits of St. Joseph Cupertino's unique abilities, we'll have to keep working on our own methods of transversing space if we're ever to join our little robot friends on Mars. Fortunately, the wait may not be as long as we once expected. Photonics informs us that The Bae Institute has demonstrated an amplified photon thruster that has the potential to shorten the trip to Mars from six months to one week."  While we here at the Newsreel don't have a clue what an amplified photon thingamabob does, we do understand the Catechism where it says "Those incur grave guilt who, by drunkenness or a love of speed, endanger their own and others' safety on the road, at sea, or in the air." That means you space jockeys, too. Just because you can go a few bajillion km/s faster now, doesn't mean you can be reckless. Don't make us sick the Methodists on you.

DATELINE: NEW HAMPSHIRE - NOT ONE RED CENT

Of course, speed isn't the only concern in getting to Mars. Space exploration isn't cheap and money doesn't just grow on Banyan Trees (apologies to Arthur C. Clarke). Apparently, next year's fiscal budget prevents NASA from spending money on programs designed exclusively on sending humans to Mars. In response, Chris Carberry of the non-profit Mars Society is once again doing his part to change that. Wired tells us that "In the last two presidential election cycles, [Carberry] says he met every major candidate. He took a short stroll with John McCain, and got kicked out of an event by Al Gore's secret service contingent. He got a surprisingly eager response from Alan Keyes, a blank stare from Bill Bradley, and a vague thumbs-up from Dick Gephardt." Carberry's first contact this election cycle was with presidential hopeful Barack Obama who replied, "I'm inspired by the idea of going to Mars. I'm also mindful of the budgetary constraints. So I won't give you an answer right now." (Wow, and some critics claim this man has no experience as a politician!) Obviously the Catechism can't address every specific situation in life, but it does say that "Economic life is not meant solely to multiply goods produced and increase profit or power; it is ordered first of all to the service of persons, of the whole man, and of the entire human community." So, with proper reasoning to back up the position, a Catholic could favor the funding of space exploration under the notion that it addresses the needs of the "whole man". Since this is the case, one wonders why Wired found the positive response from the overtly religious (and Catholic) Alan Keyes so surprising? Why, one might get the impression that the media doesn't know jack about the religions they criticize so frequently. Certainly that can't be true, can it?

We here at the Newsreel suppose that's just another mystery to be explored at a later date. For now, as the dusk approaches and Phobos and Deimos begin their ascent into the Martian sky, we invite you to relax and enjoy our upcoming main feature, Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. Until next time, as the great Les Nessman would say, if there was a livable atmosphere here, "Good evening, and may the good news be yours."

NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

I had considered collecting up a number of reviews of the Golden Compass, but since everyone but Roger Ebert seems to have hated the thing, I think I'll just see what else is out there instead.

March Hare from The Mad Tea Party was looking forward to Beowulf, but alas, was disappointed. "The tragedy of this movie is that it didn't engage me." she says. But at least her daughter got extra credit in English for going to see it.

D. G. D. Davidson at the Sci-Fi Catholic  was more than simply disappointed over Beowulf. Disgust might be a better word. "I dislike this film adaptation of Beowulf for the same reason I dislike 300. Besides displaying violence, sex, and masculine posturing for their own sake, it wants to score philosophical points, yet is consistently dumb." D. G. D. and Snuffles had a little better luck with Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium.  "You could do a lot worse... [the movie] is like whole wheat bread: it's bland, but it's wholesome." sums up Snuffles' opinion.

Not quite wholesome, but certainly not bland is Barbara Nicolosi's take on the teen pregnancy drama Juno. "The film makers absolutely know that the principle element in a movie is character. And Juno has some of the best I've seen in the movies in recent memory." In the same vein, she's also fond of Lars And The Real Girl, the story of a withdrawn man who shows up at his brother's home with his girlfriend, a lifelike rubber doll. "Lars is a satisfying, charming and compassionate movie that handles its central improbable plot-point with the patient sigh in which so much of the freakishness of modern life has been met in the unweird, measured life of a small town."

Amy Wellborn over at Charlotte Was Both was not quite as impressed with No Country For Old Men. Her discontent seems to be based on the near universally accepted dictum that the book is always better than the movie. Plus, she dislikes the Coen brothers. "Like so many other Coen brothers films, layers of meaning, interesting internal struggle and moral slogging are stripped clean, leaving nothing more than style and idiosyncrasy, both of which are interesting to watch, but which ultimately leave you cold." (The comments on this one are particularly fun as Coen fans converge on the blog.)

And finally, while not technically a review, Crystal from Perspective gives an impassioned defense of... Christopher Lambert! Her primary evidence is, of course, Highlander. She exclaims, "You've got to love a movie that has an Irish/American playing a Carpathian(?), A Scotsman playing an Egyptian, and a Frenchman playing a Scot :-)"

That's about it for this week. Be sure to stick around as we continue our trip to Mars this week.

SHORT FEATURE: STOP DRIVING US CRAZY

If you thought those sexual predator coloring books and comics recently put out by the Archdiocese of New York were an, um... interesting approach to a real problem, then you might want to check out this nifty little cartoon from 1961 produced by the General Board of Temperance of the Methodist Church involving an irate Martian, reckless drivers, and the Voice of God. (MARS NEEDS... THE RIGHT OF WAY!)

I have to say, given my own peculiar tastes, I prefer this cartoon over something like the (take a breath before reading) DOCUMENT OF THE PONTIFICAL COUNCIL FOR THE PASTORAL CARE OF MIGRANTS AND ITINERANT PEOPLE: GUIDELINES FOR THE PASTORAL CARE OF THE ROAD issued by the Vatican on June 19, 2007. (Remember, I listed their 10 commandments of driving at the end of my review for Eat My Dust) At least I made it through the entire cartoon.

But as the guy who just spent days typing a compare and contrast essay on The Incarnation and a paper mache brain hanging from a string, I'm certainly not going to be the one to question the wisdom of using stuff like coloring books and cartoons to teach the faith. As to whether the Catholic Church, or the Methodists, or any other Christian body really needs whole committees devoted to churning this stuff out, I suppose that's debatable. (There are plenty of goofballs like me willing to do it without using collection plate money.) But the Catechism does say that "Within modern society the communications media play a major role in information, cultural promotion, and formation. This role is increasing, as a result of technological progress, the extent and diversity of the news transmitted, and the influence exercised on public opinion... It is necessary that all members of society meet the demands of justice and charity in this domain. They should help, through the means of social communication, in the formation and diffusion of sound public opinion." So maybe the Church does have some responsibility to participate in these kinds of things in an official capacity after all.

That being said, I still cringe in anticipation of the day we see the first official release of a Vatican sponsored game for the X-Box. I am curious to see what they name the committee though.

COMING ATTRACTIONS: SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS

The trailer for this movie seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth (which is appropriate I suppose), so here's an old TV promo from 1984 that also manages to take a few cracks at the wretched Santa Claus: The Movie released that same year. This is a special holiday request from D. G. D. Davidson at The Sci-Fi Catholic who has already watched the MST3K version and read the book this year. (Must be some unspoken Pia Zadora fetish we don't know about.) I also don't know how I'm gonna make it through this one without the MSTies, but I'll give it my best shot.

FILM CLUB REVIEW: CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA

TAGLINE

What was the unspeakable secret of the sea of lost ships? Please do not give away the answer to the secret.

THE PLOT

Sparks Moran, aka Agent XK150, goes undercover inside the Capetto gang in order to prevent the criminals from smuggling a group of Cuban exiles, as well as a sizeable portion of Cuba's treasury, out of the country. To carry out the deed Capeto assembles a motley crew of thugs including Mary Belle Monahan (who sings the film's haunting theme song), her brother "Happy" Jack Monahan (who, of course, never smiles), and Pete Peterson Jr. (a man capable of communicating only through the use of animal impressions). It isn't long before Sparks stumbles upon the eeevil Capetto's real plan to kill the Cubans, keep the money, and blame the whole thing on a legendary monster which supposedly lives in the nearby waters. Everything goes according to plan until the real monster shows up and starts laying waste to the entire cast. Can Spark's incredible power of voice-over narration save the day or will he too become a victim of the Creature From the Haunted Sea?

THE POINT

For our first ever attempt at a film club review, I chose at random Roger Corman's 1961 opus Creature From The Haunted Sea. May as well test everyone's resolve right from the start. Rising to the challenge this month are Christina from The Northern Cross and D. G. D. Davidson from The Sci-Fi Catholic, both of whom went the extra mile and posted complete reviews on their own blogs. Let's start with some excerpts from their excellent posts before getting to my usual rantings. (Noticeably absent from the excerpts are the wailing and gnashing of teeth once they got about 15 minutes into the movie and realized what a stinkfest I had picked.)

CHRISTINA

...I did stay for act three of the movie and, with that, I should really try to find a religious meaning in it. To my shock, I found that it was truly a religious film with a very deep spiritual message for us all.

Near the end of the film, Mrs Bad turns to Captain Bad and proclaims her undying love for him. As an aside, I refuse to rewatch the film to remember their names; now that some amnesia has set in I refuse to fix it. Right then the monster appears and attacks Mrs Bad while Captain Bad tries to make his cowardly escape, only to meet his doom in the end. This struck me as a beautiful allegory of our first parents' fall into sin.

In the second chapter of Genesis we learn that man was given a commission to cultivate and protect the garden of Eden. Yet, when the serpent came to tempt Eve, he remained suspiciously quiet. He allowed her to take the full brunt of the attack out of cowardice and fear; threw her to the monster, so to speak, in hopes of jumping ship and saving his own skin. Yet in the process, he lost his own life and the lives of all future generations...

(Read Christina's full review here.)

D. G. D. DAVIDSON

...This movie does have some memorable and very funny lines, including, "As an American gambler and gangster, you're above suspicion," "We'll jump overboard and swim for it--through shark-infested water, of course, so no one will follow us," "No matter where you go or what you do or who you kill--I'll love you til the day I die," and ,"Well, she was living in a sort of sorority house down by the docks--she's awful friendly."

At the end of the film, the monster dispenses monster judgment. Everyone guilty of being a gangster, being a murderer, being an adulterer, being a thief, or being a Cuban is dead and the only characters left alive are the American spy and his reformed-prostitute-with-a-heart-of-gold girlfriend...

...I think the reason we like to see the villains Get Theirs is because we do have built into us a sense of justice. Movies like Creature from the Haunted Sea take a certain reality for granted, that negative actions have negative consequences. So the movie could be viewed as a morality tale: thou shalt not steal gold from Cuba and murder people to cover thy tracks. All in all, I'd have to say that's a sound moral message...

(Read D. G. D.'s full review here.)

EEGAHINC

This movie was made in five days, and by the looks of it, the crew probably spent the first three and half of those days drunk. Which amazingly still leaves enough time for Roger Corman to make a movie. Having directed over 30 films in the five years prior to Creature From The Haunted Sea (and produced more than that, including our old pal the Beast From Haunted Cave), Corman had this stuff down to a science. In this movie you'll find unused footage from earlier films inserted scattershot throughout the production, music recycled from previous movies, a script which was changed from a thriller to a comedy halfway through filming without bothering to reshoot the earlier scenes, and a monster suit reportedly made out of Brillo Pads and ping pong balls.

But mostly you'll find a main character in Sparks Moran who never actually accomplishes a single part of his mission. He doesn't recover the money, bring a criminal to justice, save a life, or defeat the monster. He does get a girl in the end, but not the one he wanted. Sparks is like a bargain basement version of Peter Seller's Inspector Clouseau, except without the charm, wit, or a talented actor to play him. (Ironically, the guy who portrayed Sparks, Edward Wain aka Robert Towne, actually went on to write Chinatown, but that was decades away from this movie.) And yet, through the sheer power of trying to be a good guy, Sparks is the only original character to sail off into the sunset.

"Fortitude is the moral virtue that ensures firmness in difficulties and constancy in the pursuit of the good." the Catechism tells us. "Human virtues acquired by education, by deliberate acts and by a perseverance ever-renewed in repeated efforts are purified and elevated by divine grace. With God's help, they forge character and give facility in the practice of the good." We can probably count Sparks out in the education department and his actions weren't very deliberate, but by gosh, he has perseverance. If Sparks Moran has nothing else, he has the virtue of Fortitude, and should be admired for it.

END CREDITS

Well, that about wraps it up for this month's film club. After that grueling experience, it's going to be quite a task to convince Christina and D. G. D. to sit through another one of these movies, but maybe I can come up with something a little less trying next time. (Remember, suggestions for movies are always welcome. Otherwise I'll pick them, and you see what you get when that happens.) And now that you've all seen this can be done without permanent mental damage (permanent being the operative word) maybe we can convince one or two more of you to chip in next time. See you then.

THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS

 

TYPICAL REVIEW

"It's hard to say that this is a good movie, but it's certainly entertaining in a delirious sort of way." - Mark Zimmer, Digitally Obsessed.

THE PLOT

Nuclear scientist Steve March and his pal Dan track the source of a mysterious radiation to, um... Mysterious Mountain, where they encounter Gor, The Brain From Planet Arous. The immaterial (and quite eeeevil) Gor wastes no time in incinerating Dan and seizing control of Steve's body. Steve's fiance Sally senses something odd is going on; a fact confirmed when a second floating brain appears, announces himself as a policeman, and possesses the family dog. The new brain, Vol, explains that Gor is an escaped psychotic killer and can only be harmed during the one hour a day he must become corporeal in order to recharge his powers. With only that bit of knowledge, it's up to Sally and the dog to find a way to stop Gor before he can follow up on his threat to blow lots of things up.

THE POINT

John Agar is indispensable. If you have an infestation of mole people, giant tarantulas, invisible invaders, swamp creatures, women from a prehistoric planet, or even just that lame jackass Zontar The Thing From Venus, Agar is the go-to man to put things right again. And unlike other heroes, he does it as woodenly as humanly possible without forcing on you the slightest hint of overbearing charisma or personality. (And that's actually pretty refreshing considering today's post Will Smith ego driven era of heroism.) John Agar speaks kind of softly and acts like a big stick. Which is the main reason The Brain From Planet Arous is kind of fun, because for just this one movie, John Agar gets to go nuts!

Of course, most of the Brain From Planet Arous is business as usual as far as 50's sci-fi goes. You get ridiculously bad effects (The strings holding the huge paper mache brains are clearly visible.), extremely questionable science (Would a nuclear scientist really rush to a highly radioactive area dressed in nothing but Dockers just to see first hand what's leaking those gamma rays?), and obvious cost cutting in production (Gor threatens to destroy the world with archival footage from U. S. atomic bomb tests.). But whenever the Brain takes command of Agar's character Steve, things really get kicked up a notch. Brain-Steve is maniacal, supremely confident, and downright jolly as he indiscriminately roasts people with his heat vision and blasts toy airplanes out of the sky. Brain-Steve has such a good time being a sociopath, you're sorely tempted to start cheering for him instead of the good guys.

But it's not all work for Brain-Steve. After using Steve's mouth to plant a big sloppy kiss on Sally's lips, and then another and another, Gor decides conquering the world can wait just a few days while he checks out this whole physicality thing. (Apparently immaterial brain creatures don't see a lot of action where they're from.) "There are some aspects of the life of an Earth savage that are exciting and rewarding! Things that are missed by the Brains on my planet, Arous!" exclaims Gor. And just in case Steve doesn't get the point, Gor adds, ""We will take the young female for a ride in your car. I will enjoy being you tonight!" You know, Gor's excitement isn't really surprising. The Kinsey Report (conservatively?) claims that 54 percent of men think about sex every day, sometimes several times a day. I guess if you're a disembodied brain the size of a VW Beetle who has only just begun to experience physical sensations, then you're REALLY going to think about sex. Enthusiastically. (In contrast, Vol the brain policeman doesn't turn into a sex fiend, but since he possessed the dog, he was probably neutered.)

This is the kind of thing which makes speculative fiction (even goofball attempts like The Brain From Planet Arous) so much fun. It gives you a chance to explore questions like what might happen if a non-corporeal entity suddenly took bodily form and experienced all of the physical input we humans do? Of course, if you want to indulge in those kinds of musings, you could just go to church. I mean, in a certain sense, that very question is part of what we're asked to consider during the second half of Advent isn't it? That the omni-everything God we believe in somehow miraculously incarnated himself into the restrictions of time-space by assuming a human nature. And that by doing so subjected himself to all the bodily weaknesses to which the rest of us are subject to; things like hunger and pain and even death. And beyond that, as the Epistle to the Hebrews tells us, became “one who in every respect has been tested as we are." Which should mean that, not unlike Gor, He was at the very least confronted with the temptations of the flesh.

But whereas Gor turned into something of a horn-dog when he "became man", God, in the person of Jesus, didn't. Why not? Sometimes, it's easy to dismiss the question because, well, Jesus is God and all that. It's not quite that easy, though. The Catechism reminds us that "because "human nature was assumed, not absorbed", in the mysterious union of the Incarnation, the Church was led over the course of centuries to confess the full reality of Christ's human soul, with its operations of intellect and will, and of his human body." Being fully human, that should mean in theory that the temptations were real for Jesus also. So what is it about Jesus that allowed him to remain sinless while The Brain From Planet Arous failed miserably? (I'm juxtaposing Jesus with a fictional brain creature from outer space. Does anyone else ever have those moments where you step back and wonder, "Is there something seriously wrong with me?")

The difference lies in the unique relationship of Jesus' divine and human natures. While it's true, notes the Catechism, that "Christ possesses two wills and two natural operations, divine and human... They are not opposed to each other, but cooperate in such a way that the Word made flesh willed humanly in obedience to his Father all that he had decided divinely with the Father and the Holy Spirit for our salvation. Christ's human will "does not resist or oppose but rather submits to his divine and almighty will." And as the Catholic Encyclopedia puts it, this total surrender to the will of God meant that Jesus "endured temptation only from without, inasmuch as His human nature was free from all concupiscence," that inclination to choose evil which is the consequence of original sin. Basically, His human will was so totally of one mind with His divine will that it was simply impossible for Jesus to choose to sin.

Which is swell for Jesus, but what about us? (I'm making the assumption that the rest of you are sinners like me, I hope that's okay.) Well, as Father John Trigilio writes about Jesus, "It is NOT His alleged vulnerability to sin [susceptibility to temptation] which makes Him like us, but in that He shares our human nature, intellect and will." In short, we have the same weapons Jesus had to combat temptation, we just have to learn to use them the way He did. As we briefly noted earlier this week, one of the very reasons the Catechism gives for the Incarnation occurring in the first place was so that Jesus could be our model of holiness. So how exactly do we go about modeling our intellect and will on that of Jesus?

Sadly, only with lots of practice. In his encyclical letter Deus Caritas Est, Pope Benedict XVI writes that "the “yes” of our will to His will unites our intellect, will and sentiments in the all- embracing act of love. But this process is always open-ended; love is never “finished” and complete; throughout life, it changes and matures, and thus remains faithful to itself. Idem velle atque idem nolle - to want the same thing, and to reject the same thing - was recognized by antiquity as the authentic content of love: the one becomes similar to the other, and this leads to a community of will and thought." 

This community of will and thought sounds a lot like what the Catechism meant when it said, "The Word became flesh to make us "partakers of the divine nature". (It's enough to make a person think this Pope actually knows what's in the Catechism and believes it.) The Pontiff continues, "The love-story between God and man consists in the very fact that this communion of will increases in a communion of thought and sentiment, and thus our will and God's will increasingly coincide. God's will is no longer for me an alien will, something imposed on me from without by the commandments, but it is now my own will, based on the realization that God is in fact more deeply present to me than I am to myself."

Cool. And you know, that concept of a slow increase in communion of thought brings up another interesting point. In this week's movie, The Brain From Planet Arous shows up, imposes his will on us, and things go all to hell. In the Incarnation, God shows up, teaches us how to voluntarily conform our will to his, and things get holier as a result. Cool also. And that's how things go during Advent season. In this period of contemplation on the Incarnation a person could go on and on thinking (and blogging) about the ramifications, never exhausting new avenues of discovery (although possibly exhausting readers who might be wondering when a simple movie review will ever end). It's almost enough to make a person sometimes wish they really could be a giant floating brain, just to have more resources to throw at the task. But then you see this week's movie and realize how stupid we'd all look if that were the case. Best to stick with the tiny brains what God gave us and trust that they're enough to get the job done.

Here's wishing everyone a thoughtful Advent season.

THE STINGER

Just because the process of becoming a "community of will and thought" is open-ended like the Pope suggests, that doesn't mean it's exactly leisurely. After listening to some disciples complain about the difficulties of following Christian teachings, St. Paul wrote rather scathingly, "In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood." Which kind of suggests that you somewhere along the way the task becomes so difficult you'll end up sweating blood. Sorry. If you want an easy religion try Oprahism; the only requirements there seem to be daily television viewing and a book club membership. Nothing about having brains at all.

WEEKLY NEWSREEL

Greetings Mr. & Mrs. Catholic and all you other Christians at sea. This week, after long thought, the Newsreel's intrepid reporters have decided to present for your erudition stories from off the beaten track regarding that most important of man's organs. (Sigh) No, not THAT one; (What blog do you think this is?) we mean the OTHER most important organ. That's right, this week we take at a look at the brain. And in order to help foster cognitive development, this week's Newsreel will have an interactive feature in which you, the reader, get to supply the humor. Brains! They're not just for zombies anymore. Now off to press.

DATELINE: SILICON VALLEY - BRAIN DRAIN

One doesn't normally associate video games with brain power, however, a recent story from Wired Magazine may just change that perception. The next generation of video game joysticks, Wired tells us, may actually utilize brain controlled interfaces. "Consumer BCIs use noninvasive electroencephalogram (EEG) sensors attached to the scalp to detect brain-wave patterns. The signals are amplified and digitized, so a computer can process the information." (Insert your own Microsoft Windows joke here.) Sounds cool! However, "many scientists worry that users brains' might be subject to negative effects. (Insert your own ironic Grand Theft Auto joke here.) For example, the devices sometimes force users to slow down their brain waves. Afterward, users have reported trouble focusing their attention." (Insert your own typical teenager joke here.) "Most gaming companies contacted by Wired News, including LucasArts, Activision and Disney Interactive, would not comment on whether they're developing BCI games. Capcom and Eidos, however, say they're not."

DATELINE: CHINA - HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?

One can't help but wonder how effectively BCI technology would operate on the subject of our next story. Ananova reports that "doctors treating a Chinese woman who complained of feeling weak discovered she only had half a brain." (Insert your own women's ordination joke here.) The entire left side of the woman's brain, which is the hemisphere commonly understood to control language functions, is simply not there. And yet, to the doctor's amazement, the "patient has no problem communicating with people... She graduated from high school with good marks. (Insert your own public education joke here.) Her memory is very good. She remembers phone numbers and names immediately."

DATELINE: FRANCE - ET PUIS ZUT?

Still, half a brain is surely better than almost no brain at all. An article from July's New Scientist tells the story of a Frenchman with an incredibly tiny brain. (Insert your own France joke here. Limit three per reader please.) "Scans of the 44-year-old man's brain showed that a huge fluid-filled chamber called a ventricle took up most of the room in his skull, leaving little more than a thin sheet of actual brain tissue." (Okay, you can insert one more France joke here, but that's the last one.) Amazingly, although the man's brain is 50-75% smaller than the average, his IQ is close to normal and he is not considered mentally impaired in any way. In fact, according to his work record, he is more than capable of functioning adequately in his capacity as a government employee. (Insert your own presidential candidate joke here.)

So perhaps, dear readers, you may now be wondering why all the stories about limited mental capacity? Well, as the Catechism tells us, "Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God's law." But that doesn't mean we get to try the old "ignorance of the law" excuse when we happen to do something wrong. "Unintentional ignorance can diminish or even remove the imputability of a grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are written in the conscience of every man." Or to put it in our own inimitable way of speaking here at the Newsreel, there are some things even an idiot should know. "A material brain is much less powerful than the spiritual intelligence our souls have." said Father William G. Most. We tend to believe he was right.

What do you think?

Until next week, we sign off as always with the words of the great Les Nessman, "Good evening, and may the good news be yours."

(And go ahead and throw in one more France joke. You've earned it.)

CATHOLIC CARNIVAL

Since I actually submitted a link to this week's Catholic Carnival, it's only right I point out that the Carnival is up and running at Bryan Murdaugh's blog. Bryan is a Catholic youth minister, songwriter, and musician and was gracious enough to be the host this week. Thanks.

INTERMISSION: FOR WHOM THE MEME TOLLS

Yes, I know I just took an intermission a couple of days ago in order to complain about the whole Golden Compass hubbub, but just as I was settling back down in the auditorium, something else came up.

Father Tim from The Spirit of Vatican 2 "Catholic" Faith Community has tagged me with yet another meme. This time around it's the "8 Random Facts" one. The rules call for each tagged person to post 8 random facts/habits about themselves along with these guidelines. At the end of the post, they are to choose 8 people to be tagged and list their names. I have to assume, since I'm on SOV2's banned list, that this is somehow meant to be a form of penance as I'm now forced to try and answer this meme while staying in character. Let's give it a try.

1. That little guy up in the corner of my blog is the vicious Zuni Fetish Doll from the 1975 made for TV movie Trilogy of Terror. As a child it alternatingly filled me with dread and made me laugh hysterically. It's one of the things I credit with making me a lifetime fan of B-Movies.
2. Oddly enough, other than the news, I actually watch very little television programming. Instead, I average 2-3 movies a day. Occasionally, one of them is good. (Portable DVD player; one of the best Father's Day gifts ever!)
3. One of my favorite movies about Jesus is 2000's The Miracle Maker, the story of the gospels told almost entirely in claymation. Absolutely brilliant.
4. The first movie I ever saw with my wife was Hellraiser. (Considering the nature of this blog, how's that for some Gen-X irony?) Believe it or not, she's the one who chose it.
5. For awhile as a teenager, I attended the Church of the Nazarene, a denomination which at the time preached against going to the movies. After church one Sunday evening, I and about 10 other kids slipped off for a late showing of Friday The 13th Part V. Do you know where your youth group is tonight? (Would it be in bad taste to also bring up the time I ran into one of the deacons at an afternoon matinee of the Dirty Harry flick Sudden Impact?)
6. I love my country, but I won't lie. Anytime I watch King Kong vs. Godzilla I secretly root for the Japanese monster to win.
7. Back in elementary school I was once dropped off by myself for a matinee of the re-release of Disney's In Search Of The Castaways (adapted from Jules Verne's The Children of Captain Grant). There was a mix-up and nobody realized I hadn't been picked up until after the theater had closed. I ended up watching the movie five times that day while living off of popcorn and Sugar Babies. My parents were scarred for life. I, however, wanted to do it again the next week.
8. I'd burn every film I own if I ever fell under the conviction of the Holy Spirit to do so. They're just movies, folks. They may give us memories which last a lifetime, but there are other more important things which last forever.

Whew. I made it. Now it really is time to get back in the theater. As for passing along the meme, well I just don't get out that much and probably only know bloggers who have already been tagged. Eight, hmm? Let's see. Figure eight as double four, figure four as half of eight. If you skate, you would be great, if you could make a figure eight. That's a circle that turns 'round upon itself. Place it on its side and it's a symbol meaning Infinity...

Yeah, that's it. I tag everybody.

FILM CLUB REMINDER

Just a quick reminder for anyone interested in having a comment included in our Film Club review of Creature From The Haunted Sea. Please have your comments emailed to me at eegahinc@gmail.com no later than Friday December 7 so I can include them in the review. Thanks.

INTERMISSION: THIS WHOLE GOLDEN COMPASS THING IS MAKING MY BRAIN HURT

...and I haven't even read or seen the thing yet.

Still, it's a movie, so I feel compelled to throw my two cents in. The film itself is only now getting some early screenings, and some accompanying reviews, so I'm sure the movie proper can be addressed soon. But the movie's director Chris Weitz recently granted a three part Q&A with the MTV Movie Blog and had a few things to say about about a lot of the negative publicity surrounding author Phillip Pullman and his views on religion. [Everything which follows in block quotes are Weitz's words as reported on the MTV site. Also, this is an excessively long post, but I don't want to misrepresent the director. Criticize him, maybe, but not misrepresent him.] I think there's some telling stuff in there.

"A lot of people — mostly those who haven’t read the books but are only repeating what they have read in some biased chain e-mails — are saying that Philip is “against religion” or “against Christianity.” These people don’t really want to engage with the very subtle philosophical and theological ideas in “His Dark Materials.”

This is a common objection to all of the pre-release hoopla, but I find it to be a little disingenuous. Although I can't speak for the entire blogosphere, most of the bloggers I read have dealt quite intelligently with the books and their theological ideas, subtle or otherwise. (An excellent example can be found at The Sci-Fi Catholic where D. G. D. Davidson actually did [gasp] read the entire trilogy.) Now it is true that I myself have not read the books and cannot speak firsthand about their contents. So what? That's one of the main reasons for reading reviews in the first place. Over time you come to understand where your own tastes and those of a particular reviewer are in agreement and where they clash. Subsequently this gives you an idea on whether or not you care to invest hours of your life in a massive series of books or blow a wad of cash on movie tickets, baby sitters, dinner, etc. just to get to see a given piece of entertainment. Mr. Weitz, who has been in the business for awhile, knows this. (You didn't here him complain about the process when American Pie was getting a lot of good pre-release buzz did you?)

Anyway, he was asked (in pre-submitted emails) a number of specific questions about the Catholic League's call for a boycott and the general concerns of Catholic commentators. Here's what he had to say when questioned about early reports that anti-religious material had been removed from the film.

"I realized that the overt stating of some of the themes in “The Northern Lights”/”The Golden Compass” would never — this is important to make clear — never EVER get across the goal line. There isn’t a wide enough audience for that — yet."

Yet? Garsh, that sounds intriguing, doesn't it?

"If I wanted to popularize this series of extraordinary books and open them to a wider reading public than ever before, I was going to have to make some compromises. But I also knew that as a filmmaker one has more means of expression than dialogue, and that dialogue is a more subtle business than characters saying exactly what the characters say in the book. Sometimes I transpose elements - for instance, the biblical ideas that Asriel addresses towards the end of the book are voiced in a different context (and at shorter length) by Mrs. Coulter at Bolvangar in the film. Sometimes I turn textual or narrative arguments into visual ideas."

Mr. Weitz understands, as does anyone who knows even a little about movies, that subtext doesn't have to be communicated verbally in a film. (Apparently, the reviewer for the USCCB hasn't figured this out yet.) So basically, some of the objectionable verbage from the novels has been shifted into the visuals and it's there for those who want to look for it. But apparently, that's only going to be necessary for the first movie.

"It’s true, though, that “The Subtle Knife” and “The Amber Spyglass” tread in territory that is much more controversial than the first book. This is also addressed by a bunch of questions that I will lasso under the heading “what next?” Well, though I saw it as my duty to build the franchise of “His Dark Materials” on as solid a grounding as I could, it would all be in vain if the second and third films did not have the intellectual depth and the iconoclasm of the second and third books. The whole point, to me, of ensuring that “The Golden Compass” is a financial success is so that we have a solid foundation on which to deliver a faithful, more literal adaptation of the second and third books. This is important: whereas “The Golden Compass” had to be introduced to the public carefully, the religious themes in the second and third books can’t be minimized without destroying the spirit of these books. There is simply no way to adapt them without dealing with Lyra’s destined role, her secret name, and the war in the heavens. I will not be involved with any “watering down” of books two and three, since what I have been working towards the whole time in the first film is to be able to deliver on the second and third films. If I sense that this is not possible, there’s no point my continuing to work on them."

In other words, we can't offend too many people with the first film, otherwise we won't get funding for the second and third films. Once we get that money, the kid gloves come off. (Wonder what super-Catholic Nicole Kidman thinks of that?) Oh, and if you don't want to wait for the sequels to get to the more controversial stuff, you can always buy the books.

"Now, one thing that some of the extremists who have attacked the film are right about is that I would be happy if it made more people read the books - not because I am pursuing any sort of atheist agenda (this is a ridiculous idea), but because they are great works of literature, beautiful, permanent, and unassailable."

Mr. Weitz directed Antz, so I'm a little suspect of what he considers art. Still, he does try to back up this statement by addressing some of "the very subtle philosophical and theological ideas" he finds in Pullman's works.

"I would like to state what I think about Philip Pullman’s books and their view of religion. There are many grand ideas and themes in “His Dark Materials,” and Pullman asks us to question a lot of cherished and engrained beliefs; but if I had to boil it down, I would say that Pullman is against the abuse of religion for political power. He is against forcing people to believe what you believe, and against accepting something you are told without thinking about it."

Well, that's benign enough isn't it?

"I think that the charge that Pullman wants to “kill God,” in children’s minds or anybody else’s, is wrongheaded, and has been supported with some really selective cutting and pasting. I think Pullman probably has an issue with a certain view of God – which is to say, as a subject worth killing people over. In that regard, the institution that I think most closely resembles the Magisterium is the government of Iran."

Maybe everybody really is over-reacting.

"I think that an accurate adaptation of “The Subtle Knife” and “The Amber Spyglass” would not be anti-Catholic. What would be anti-Catholic would be to go out of one’s way to attack people’s beliefs, which I sometimes think is what people have in mind when they want to apply their own ideas and glosses of “His Dark Materials,” which have been formed outside of the context of the books, to the films."

What the...? But Pullman does go out of his way to attack people's beliefs. (Which actually makes him anti-Catholic based on Weitz's bizarre definition.) While the "abuse of power" angle is a nice public relations argument, Mr. Weitz is clearly dancing around the fact that for Pullman, the fictional church created in his books IS a picture of monotheistic religion as he sees it in the real world. (Or maybe he just doesn't know that.) In a 2000 interview with Third Way, when asked if he could envisage a world in which the Church has done more good than harm, Pullman responds, "I certainly can. I might well write about such a place in the next book." But when asked if this world we live in isn’t one such place, Pullman says, "No, not yet." The interviewer follows up with a quote from The Amber Spyglass in which the main characters are told that the Christian religion is a very powerful and convincing mistake, and asks Pullman if that is his opinion. He answers, "I think I’d agree with her, yes." Pullman adds, "Every single religion that has a monotheistic god ends up by persecuting other people and killing them because they don’t accept him. Wherever you look in history, you find that. It’s still going on." That's not selective cutting and pasting, and that's not just an issue with a certain view of God. The guy hates any and all religion.

And while as a Christian I feel bad for him for holding those views, it's well within his rights to believe whatever he wants. And nobody in their right mind is saying the books or movie should be banned. (Has anybody suggested that outside of that one school library incident? I've seen that accusation pop up in comments on various movie blogs.) But on the flip side, Pullman, Weitz, and New Line have no inalienable right to anyone's money, and if we don't want to spend it on anti-religious propaganda, that's too bad for them. That's not censorship, that's choice, and all the anthropomorphic polar bears in the world aren't going to make me choose to financially support Pullman's dribble.

(Yeah, I know. Everything I review here is probably dribble of some sort. But at least it's not bitter caustic pretentious dribble.)

(Okay, maybe THX-1138 was, but you know what I'm saying...)

There's a lot more to Weitz's interview. He expresses relief that his lead actress will look much older by the third film so that maybe audiences won't be so upset that the story pivots on a twelve year old having sex. And There's even an interesting spot where he brings up the fact that the God in Pullman's books resembles Gnostic teachings and not Christian ones. (I wonder if he knew that or if he had a really good research assistant? What? C'mon, it's Hollywood. Weitz is probably too busy making sure Daniel Craig has the right bottled water in his trailer to look this stuff up on his own.) There's also a lot of non-religious talk in the interview as well, but you can probably wait for the DVD commentary for that stuff.

That's about it for my part in this whole mess. I'm gonna go take some aspirin now.