PULP CATHOLICISM #040

NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

Look, I know I was complaining earlier about the lack of scary movies in theaters this Halloween, but I was talking about the fun make-believe kind. 12 Years A Slave, which I reviewed for Aleteia this week, is an all too real horror story. Still, if you don’t mind being reminded just how terrible people can be to their fellow man, then it’s definitely a movie worth watching.

But you can only sit through so many depictions of real human misery before it’s time to take a little fantasy break. Fortunately, while the multiplexes may have forgotten Halloween for the most part, the blogosphere hasn’t. Edward Mordrake at Crisis Magazine takes a look at the presentation of evil in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, while Terry Mattingly at Get religion gives The Exorcist yet another viewing.

In more general overviews of terror, Jason Dietz at Non-Modern considers the genre of werewolf films and their reflection of the curse of sin on mankind. Meanwhile, A. T. Ross from Speculative Faith discusses ways in which we can redeem zombies by diving into the symbols and spirituality buried (so to speak) in the tales of the walking dead.

Of course, it just wouldn’t be Halloween if someone didn’t take up the perennial question of whether or not Christians should celebrate the holiday or not. This year the honor falls to Sean Fitzpatrick at Crisis Magazine, who takes the yea side with his post, All Hallows Eve or Halloween?, and C. W. Lyons at Catholic Exchange, who falls on the nay side with his article, The Mystery & Modern Mayhem of Halloween.

Curious as to which side of the debate the ever popular Simcha Fisher falls on? Perhaps her post on making her son a paper mache Army of Darkness chainsaw hand might give you a clue.

And that, my friends, is as a good a place to end this edition of Now Showing as any. See you next time.

PULP CATHOLICISM #039

SHORT FEATURE – THE SHINING IN 8-BIT

What’s going on in Hollywood? It’s Halloween season and the best the multiplexes can muster up in the way of scary movies is another tired remake? Is that really all we’re getting? Oh well, it is what it is. You can check out my review of the latest take on Carrie over at Aleteia. Trust me, if you’ve seen even one of the four previous versions of this story (I highly recommend tracking down the 1988 musical on YouTube for some jaw-dropping hilarity), then there’s absolutely nothing new for you in this one. Now, maybe if they had taken a different approach, like say in this remake of The Shining…

Well, it’s like I keep telling my kids, there’s always more than one way to tell a story. That’s true even in the Bible. The books of Kings and the books of Chronicles overlap one another, but with varying perspectives due to the different times they were written in. And, of course, the four Gospels cover pretty much the same material (give or take a few incidents), but each has a different audience in mind, and so each has a distinct feel, not to mention theological emphasis, from the other three. Mark concentrates on Jesus as a man like ourselves, while John emphasizes Jesus' divine nature. Matthew details the Jewishness of Jesus, while Luke concentrates on how he relates to the gentiles. Each gospel tells the same story, and yet each brings something fresh to the story, some new insight into our relationship with God through Jesus.

Alas, Hollywood seems to have learned little from the Gospels. Oh, occasionally we’ll get something like John Carpenter’s The Thing or David Cronenberg’s The Fly, but for the most part we get remakes like Carrie, movies that cover the same exact ground as their predecessors while offering little new insight to the characters or situations. These things have little reason to exist other than to make a quick buck, but that’s the only reason Hollywood needs to keep making them anyway, so we’re stuck with them. And I’ll have to go review them, probably even the upcoming remake of (why, Lord, why) Endless Love. Now that’ll be scary.

PULP CATHOLICISM #038

HAPPY HAPPY HALLOWEEN VII

It’s that time of the year again, time for the B-Movie Catechism to present it’s annual suggestions for cheap and easy to make costumes based on some of the movies we’ve discussed over the past twelve months, either here or at Aleteia. We do this every year as a service to those Christians who don’t particularly like the selection of serial killers & naughty panthers to be found at the local costume shop, but who also don’t want to resort to dressing up as angels or shepherds AGAIN just to go trunk or treating in the church parking lot.

First up is Frankenstein Island, Jerry Warren’s last foray into the fever dream world of low budget film making. Choosing just a single character from Frankenstein Island is tough. Should it be the insane one-eyed pirate? Or maybe the bikini clad amazon? How about the strange Phillipino guy with a syringe and an eyeball fetish? No, for pure low budget goodness it’s probably best to go with the zombie holding a magic plastic pitchfork that turns people into vampires. All you need to put together this ensemble is an old black sweater, a ratty wool cap, and a prop from the dollar store. Then you can explain to everyone who asks what the heck it is you’re supposed to dressed as how your costume represents the seemingly random stuff we’re confronted with in life and how God has an answer to it all if you’re willing to listen.

If you’d prefer something a bit more recognizable, however, then perhaps Kris Kringle himself from Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny would be more to your liking. Any dirty old Santa suit will do, even a homemade one, just as long as you remember the most important detail, the horrifying sweat stain puddling up in the crotch area. If the people whose homes you trick or treat at don’t immediately slam the door shut in your face, you’ll be able to explain to them that your costume is a not-so-gentle reminder that during the upcoming Advent season, it’s really not Santa they should be waiting for anyway.

As nice as that idea is, though, perhaps you’d rather stick with something a bit more Halloweeny, and what says Halloween more than witches? Now the great thing about the witches (or casters, as they prefer to be called) from Beautiful Creatures is that they all look and dress just like any other teenager pouting around the mall on a Saturday afternoon, so if you already shop there, your costume is 99% done. If not, chances are you can probably find some cheap Forever 21 stuff down at the consignment shop. The only other thing you’ll need to make this costume a success is an atrocious Hollywood-style Southern accent, the kind that would put Foghorn Leghorn to shame, on account o' y’all knows thass how all us Southerners talk. As your neighbors rush to burn you alive (either for being a witch or for hamming up your dialog so horribly), you can use your new dialect to explain how no one should rush to judge another. Even the Pope says so.

One costume His Holiness might be a bit iffy on, however, is the shotgun wielding nun from Freejack. It’s not just the big double barreled boomstick the good sister is carrying that the Pontiff might find questionable, but the constant stream of profanities that apparently come with it. Who did the writers of this movie think the nun was anyway, a seminarian arguing eschatology in his dorm room late at night? Nuns shouldn’t talk that way. But still, she made some good points in between all the cussing. And if you decide to wear this traditional get-up with a twist, so can you, using your words (and possibly your weapon) to convince others that there’s more to people than just their memories. They all have immortal souls as well.

Speaking of heady thoughts, what could possibly be more contemplative than a Terrence Malick film? If you’re looking for a costume with a more artistic bent to it, why not dress up as one of the characters from Malick’s To The Wonder? This is another outfit where most of it is already hanging in your closet. Just pick out your favorite casual wear and you’re almost ready to go. You’ll only need two accessories. One is a big picture of a tree, so that whenever anyone looks at you, you can quickly hold it up in front of your face so no one can see you for more than a minute at a time, just like Malick films his actors. The second accessory is some kind of voice recorder which will be used if someone begins to question your sanity over of the tree thing. If that happens, just hit play and have your prerecorded message tell them in voiceover that everything’s alright because the “love that loves us” is watching over us and will make everything okay. To make it even more Malick-y, be sure to twirl around wistfully while your message plays.

And that should do it for our costume ideas this year. Have a fun time trick or treating and don’t forget All Saints the next day. Happy Happy Halloween everyone.

SHORT FEATURE: POPEYE & THE PIRATES

My latest review for Aleteia is up. It’s been awhile since Tom Hanks has had a chance to give a really good performance (sorry, Dan Brown movies just don’t cut it), but odds are that Captain Phillips (the last 15 minutes in particular) will net him another Oscar nod. Not bad for a guy whose first role was in the Halloween knock-off, He Knows You’re Alone.

Now, unless you’ve completely missed every commercial for Captain Phillips, then you know the movie is based on a true incident involving a merchant ship that comes under assault by Somali pirates. From what’s depicted onscreen I’d have to say it was a pretty harrowing situation, but Phillips and his crew dealt with it well all things considered. Still, I couldn’t help but think, you know who really knows how to handle pirates? Popeye, that’s who…

So, what was with that mysterious edit around 4:38? Just what the heck was Popeye whipping out of that dress that someone really didn’t want us to see? I mean, what could possibly be worse than Popeye in a dress to begin with? According to Fred M. Grandinetti’s book, Popeye: An Illustrated Cultural History, nobody knows and probably nobody ever will. The edit was made for the short’s first run in television syndication way back when and no unedited version seems to exist. I guess we’ll just have to use our imaginations. Which, you know, will probably result in a far worse mental image than whatever the  mystery editor actually removed in the first place.

Probably best not to think about it. Besides, when it comes to Popeye, what most people really tune in to see is the eating of spinach followed by the inevitable kicking of somebody’s rear end, in this case a lecherous pirate captain obviously in need of a good monocle. It’s a shame Captain Phillips didn’t have a can or two of the stuff lying around when pirates paid him a visit because, believe it or not, thanks to its high concentration of nitrate, eating spinach really can help you get stronger. Who knew? Besides Popeye that is?

Of course, it shouldn’t come as that much of a shock to us Catholics. Most of us should already know how eating certain things, especially the Eucharist, can bring benefits. According to the old Baltimore Catechism, “the chief effects of a worthy Holy Communion are: first, a closer union with Our Lord and a more fervent love of God and of our neighbor; second, an increase of sanctifying grace; third, preservation from mortal sin and the remission of venial sin; fourth, the lessening of our inclinations to sin and the help to practice good works.” Not bad, huh? Oh sure, it’s not the kind of stuff that’s going to help you punch a pirate in the face, but really, how often are you going to need that? A closer union with God, though, is probably something you’ll want every day.

PULP CATHOLICISM #037

NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

This week’s review for Aleteia is Gravity, a tight little nail-biter with outstanding visuals. The movie falls a bit short on philosophy, but makes up for it in suspense and action. That doesn’t seem to be enough for author and critic Jeffrey Overstreet, though, who finds Gravity to be, like so many other modern movies, loud, obnoxious, and almost completely lacking in human qualities. To help calm Mr. Overstreet down and convince him that there is still good in the world, here’s a quick tale of two wise women helping a young astronaut as he faces an all too human crisis…

Wow, you could really feel the tension there near the end, couldn’t you? I didn’t know which way Bobby was going to go. Fortunately it all worked out “okay” and nothing blew up. Maybe they’re saving that for the sequel.

Perhaps it would be better if we simply moved on to a movie almost everybody can agree was just plain dumb. If you remember my review of World War Z, you know I found the Brad Pitt vehicle to be enjoyable enough for a night’s viewing, but ultimately brainless (no zombie puns intended). Well, now that the DVD has hit the shelves and those who skipped the theatrical release have had a chance to see it, it looks like a consensus is forming. Scott & Julie over at the A Good Story Is Hard To Find podcast discuss both the book and the movie, and ultimately decide the movie was much less meaty (okay, I did that one on purpose). Later, Julie goes into a bit more detail at The Happy Catholic as to why she enjoyed the film, but thought it would be better if were entitled Fast, Furious, and Stupid. Jason Dietz at Non-Modern, alas, couldn’t even manage to find too much enjoyment in the film, finding the whole thing to be pretty lifeless (I can do this zombie stuff all night, folks, although it would be best if someone stopped me).

Let’s face it, it’s hard to find a movie everyone will enjoy. Fortunately, it’s October, and that means Turner Classics will be rolling out plenty of classic horror and sci-fi titles this month, so there’s bound to be something for everyone. Check out the schedule, especially Fridays and Saturdays. I may not leave the house on the weekends.

If you’re one of the unfortunate few who can’t handle the scary, however, don’t worry, there’s some funny stuff out there as well. Rebecca Cussey has an interview with Everybody Loves Raymond’s Patricia Heaton in which the actress discusses faith and culture. Meanwhile, over at the National Catholic Reporter (what, even they can print something worth reading every now and then), noted sitcom writer Tom Leopold discusses how a 75-year-old ex-Marine riding a homemade motorcycle with deer antlers for handlebars brought him to the Church. Mysterious ways indeed.

And finally, in the shameless plug department, Pope Awesome and Other Stories, the first book by our Internet pal and occasional commenter Cari Donaldson, is available for preorder. A lot of big shots out there, including Jim Gaffigan, really seem to like it, so why not check it out.

That should do it for now, see you soon.

PULP CATHOLICSM #036