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Sunday, December 31, 2017
THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS - DAY 7: KAIJU CHRISTMAS
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Saturday, December 30, 2017
NOT THE LAST ARGUMENT ABOUT THE LAST JEDI: MY RESPONSE TO BISHOP ROBERT BARRON'S REVIEW
"The mythic and archetypal dimensions are all but overwhelmed by an aggressively feminist ideology. The overriding preoccupation of the makers of the most recent Star Wars seems to be, not the hero’s spiritual journey, but the elevation of the all-conquering female. Every male character in The Last Jedi is either bumbling, incompetent, arrogant, or morally compromised; and every female character is wise, good, prudent, and courageous."
THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS - DAY 6: A STRANGER THINGS CHRISTMAS
You know, like almost everything else in the modern world, the Catholic Church had a hand in the creation of waffles. The ancient Greeks are the ones who first started roasting thin cakes between two heated pans, but it wasn't until the Church got involved that their popularity really took off. Called oublies, medieval waffles were basically over-sized communion wafers (unconsecrated, of course). Made from the same ingredients as hosts, these grilled goodies were often decorated with religious imagery and served after meals as a form of symbolic blessing.
Eventually, the Church gave permission for people to make their own oublies, and that's when butter, cream, and spices began being introduced into the recipe. Non-Church oublies, or wafels as they came to be known, also didn't need to be unleavened, so they began to get a bit thicker. And then the Dutch got involved in the 15th Century, started using square pans, and voilà... Eggos. Okay, so it actually took a little bit more time to reach Thirteen's favorite frozen food, but the basics were there.
So, the next time you're overcome by greed and gluttony and feel the compulsion to shout "Leggo my Eggo!", maybe you should consider the waffle's holy origin and decide to share instead. That's what a friend would do.
Friday, December 29, 2017
THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS - DAY 5: HARDROCK, COCO AND JOE
It's kind of like the way God loves us, no matter if we're 'useful' or not. As Pope Francis noted, "This is precisely what the prophetic ministry of Jesus consists of: announcing that no human condition can constitute grounds for exclusion from the heart of the Father, and that the only privilege in the eyes of God is that of not being privileged, of being abandoned into his hands."
That's certainly good news for those of us who aren't out there doing the heavy work when it comes to the faith. We can't all be priests or nuns or ministry leaders or whatever. Some of us just do silly things like watching bad movies and trying to find something good and true in them. Some of us are Joe. And God let's us come along anyway, cause he loves us so.
Thursday, December 28, 2017
THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS - DAY 4: SANTA CLAUS VS. SATAN
The second thing to be learned from this clip is... Satan isn't always the brightest person in the room. As C. S, Lewis wrote in his rather lengthy preface to Paradise Lost (seriously, it's as long as some books), "What the Satanic predicament consists in is made clear... by Satan himself. On his own showing he is suffering from a 'sense of injur'd merit.' This is a well known state of mind which we can all study in domestic animals, children, film-stars, politicians, minor poets; and perhaps nearer home... What we see in Satan is the horrible co-existence of a subtle and incessant intellectual activity with an incapacity to understand anything. This doom he has brought upon himself; in order to avoid seeing one thing he has, almost voluntarily, incapacitated himself from seeing at all... He says ‘Evil be thou my good’ (which includes ‘Nonsense be thou my sense’) and his prayer is granted."
The short version is, if you purposely make yourself blind to what is right in order to be able to do something wrong unimpeded by conscience, you will almost always screw up by missing something important. This may even include not noticing a fat guy crawling in a window behind you and setting up a cannon to shoot you in the ass with a dart.
The even shorter version is... sin makes you stupid.
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS - DAY 3: FRANKENSTEIN VS. SANTA
Rod of Jesse is something of an obscure reference. It comes from older translations of Isaiah 11:1 where it states, "And there shall come forth a rod out of the root of Jesse, and a flower shall rise up out of his root." The verse is referring to a savior who will come from the line of Jesse, the man who would go on to father King David. From there, it doesn't take much to connect the dots from David to Jesus. So, basically, the Rod of Jesse is a reference that draws attention to how Jesus, through his family tree, fulfilled yet another Old Testament prophecy.
What does any of that have to do with Santa fighting Frankenstein to the strains of Prog Rock? Absolutely nothing that I know of. But hey, when you listen to Prog Rock, the mind, much like the music, tends to wander, so cut me some slack.
Tuesday, December 26, 2017
THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS - DAY 2: ELVES
Oddly enough, the idea of elves being demonic beings actually goes way, way back. In Jacob Neusner's book Religion, Science, and Magic, it states, "Although originally ambivalent in character, elves were gradually demonized under the influence of Christianity." We see this play out in the story of Beowulf where elves are noted as one of the races that resulted from the mark of Cain. In the English Royal Prayer Book of the late eighth century, the word elf is equated Satan. And in the Canterbury Tales, the Wife of Bath claims the little guys are actually incubi. Of course, everything was about sex for the Wife of Bath, but still, you get the point.
These days, though, thanks mostly to Santa Claus and Tolkien, elves have pretty much been rehabilitated. Now they're considered either happy toy makers or endless fodder for cosplayers. Either way, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone, Nazi or otherwise, who believes sex with an elf would result in the birth of the Antichrist. No Will Farrell jokes, please.
So, for any elves out there who might happen to be reading this, welcome back to the fold. Isusarad ‘elir and idhrin-eden ‘elir!
Monday, December 25, 2017
THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS - DAY 1: SILENT NIGHT (GOAT EDITION)
Then why are there always animals in nativity scenes? Well, apparently it started with a 3rd century homily by early Church father Origen. He suggested that the birthplace of Christ was the same one referenced in Isaiah 1:3, where it states, "An ox knows its owner, and an ass, its master’s manger." Once that link was established, it quickly became a tradition to include an ox and an ass in artwork depicting Jesus' birth. And when St. Francis put together the first live nativity scene, sure enough, an ox and an ass were included. St. Bonaventure describes it this way...
"It happened in the third year before his death, that in order to excite the inhabitants of Grecio to commemorate the nativity of the Infant Jesus with great devotion, [St. Francis] determined to keep it with all possible solemnity; and lest he should be accused of lightness or novelty, he asked and obtained the permission of the sovereign Pontiff. Then he prepared a manger, and brought hay, and an ox and an ass to the place appointed."Hey, if St. Francis says it's okay to have animals at the nativity, it has to be okay. So, have a very goat Christmas everyone. Christ the Savior is born.
Wednesday, November 01, 2017
SHORT FEATURE: NOVEMBER 1ST
Eternal Father, I offer Thee the Most Precious Blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the masses said throughout the world today, for all the holy souls in purgatory, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the universal church, those in my own home and within my family. Amen.
Monday, October 30, 2017
HOLY HORRORS FOR HALLOWEEN FILM FESTIVAL: BLOOD FREAK
Long time readers know how Holy Horrors For Halloween works. Every year (almost) right before All Hallows Eve, I recommend a religious themed genre movie or two that doesn’t rely on exorcism and/or miserable priests on the verge of losing their faith to drive the story. Past entries in this series have included The Wicker Man, Bless The Child, The Believers, Brimstone & Treacle, This Night I’ll Possess Your Corpse, The Devil Rides Out and Jug Face. That’s a pretty good list, but there’s one problem with it. It’s a pretty good list; there’s no truly awful movie on it. Well, we’re going to fix that little oversight right this minute. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Blood Freak.
“A biker comes upon a girl with a flat tire and offers her a ride home. He winds up at a drug party with the girl's sister, then follows her to a turkey farm owned by her father, a mad scientist. The father turns the biker into a giant turkey monster who goes after drug dealers.” ~ The Movie DB
“This has been a story based partly on fact, and partly on probability. But the horrors that occur in the minds of those who allow the indiscriminate use of the human body as a mixing bowl of drugs and chemicals are as real as the real horror.”
“No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 , NABRE
While we avoid politics like the plague here at the B-Movie Catechism, that doesn’t mean we’re unaware of what goes on outside our theater walls. That includes the current kerfuffle over the opioid crisis spreading throughout these United States. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, “every day, more than 90 Americans die after overdosing on opioids. The misuse of and addiction to opioids — including prescription pain relievers, heroin, and synthetic opioids such as fentanyl — is a serious national crisis that affects public health as well as social and economic welfare.” Things have gotten so bad that even puppies aren’t safe anymore.
With the situation now officially declared a national public health emergency, we will no doubt be hearing a lot more about the opioid crisis in the months to follow. You know, when it comes to raising public awareness about the dangers of drug abuse, filmmakers have always been quick to exploit join the cause. In her book Hooked: Drug War Films in Britain, Canada, and the United States, Susan C. Boyd writes…
“Drug prohibition emerged at the same time as the discovery of film, in the late nineteenth century and early twentieth century, and their histories intersect in significant ways… Cautionary and temperance stories about weak-willed people, drug-scare tales, and later addiction-as-disease narratives became familiar plot lines that movie viewers have come to recognize.”
Hollywood’s anti-drug efforts have ranged from the sensational (1894’s Chinese Opium Den) to the infamous (1936’s Reefer Madness) to the “Please, God, I promise I’ll never do drugs, just don’t ever make me watch that again!” (2000’s Requiem for a Dream). Out of all of them, though, no other anti-drug film has scaled the peaks of insanity as high as Blood Freak, the movie Something Weird Video gleefully advertises as "The World's Only Turkey-Monster-Anti-Drug-Pro-Jesus-Gore Film!"
Where to start? With the directors, I suppose, because that’s where the movie does. Brad F. Grinter was an active nudist, occasional actor, and not-so prolific director of Z-grade movies. Based on the evidence, nudity was probably his strongest talent out of the three. Along with his dubious directorial and scripting efforts on Blood Freak, Grinter plays the mustachioed narrator who introduces the film while sitting at a desk wearing a velour shirt and taking long drags on a cigarette. Think of him as kind of a cross between Plan 9’s Criswell and a background extra from Boogie Nights.
After rambling on a while about how change is the only constant, the narrator introduces us to burly biker Herschel, played by Grinter’s co-director and co-screenwriter, Steve Hawkes. Upon arriving from Europe, Hawkes first pursued his dream of becoming the next Johnny Weissmuller by playing a Tarzan knockoff in a series of Spanish language films. It was supposedly during the last of those productions that Hawkes received burns over 90% of his body. Deciding to channel some of that experience into a screenplay, he connected with Grinter and the rest is history. Well, somebody’s idea of history anyway.
We see Herschel stop to help stranded motorist Angel who, true to her name, offers to take the homeless Vietnam veteran to her father’s turkey farm where he can have a meal and maybe get some work. On the way, the extremely religious Angel explains to Herschel that she never uses drugs because it would defile the temple that is her body. She also points out that adultery is sticks and stones. No, I’m not sure what that means either.
Arriving at the farm, Herschel is introduced to some of the farmhands, who offer him a job, and to Angel’s much less religious sister Ann, who offers him herself. Herschel fends off the determined girl for a day or two, but after being browbeaten into taking a puff from a drug-laced joint, he gives in to Ann’s oft-sampled charms. Don’t look too unkindly on Herschel, though. The narrator assures us it would take much LESS of a man than Herschel to resist a woman like Ann. No, I’m not sure what that means either.
Herschel also gives in to the suspect scientists employed by the farm and agrees to act as a guinea pig for their chemically enhanced turkey meat. Unfortunately, Herschel has informed no one that he has secretly been taking illegally obtained prescription medications to help deal with burns he received during the war. These opioids, when mixed with Ann’s drugs and the altered poultry, have a horrendous effect on Herschel’s physiology. After blackingout, our hero awakens to discover he now has the head of a giant turkey and an insatiable thirst for the blood of drug addicts.
Much of the rest of the movie is spent watching the turkey-fied Herschel stumble through dimly lit night scenes, gobbling at the moon until he happens upon some hapless redneck druggies and drains them dry. He also takes time to gruesomely avenge Ann’s near-rape after a friend trades her to a pusher for some drugs. Fed up with all the bloodshed, some of the other farm workers track Herschel down and serve him up for Thanksgiving dinner.
At which point Herschel awakens for real. It seems the whole turkey-head thing has been a hallucination caused by the dreadful drug cocktail circulating in his system. Shocked to his senses, Herschel calls on Angel to help him pray for the strength to overcome his addictions. His story ends with he and Ann heading off to the beach together to start a drug-free happily ever after. As for the narrator, he appears one final time to explain how Herschel’s story has been a warning against abusing one’s body with chemicals. He then succumbs to a coughing fit because he’s smoked at least two packs over the course of the film. The end.
It sounds like parody, but everything onscreen oozes sincerity. You see, by 1972, the year of Blood Freak’s release, the loose conglomeration of evangelical hippies and charismatic Christians known as the Jesus movement was at its peak. Jesus people were making feel good versions of the Son of God hits on both Broadway and the pop charts. It was only natural that those with access to film equipment would get around to making their own low budget exploitation films with an honest to goodness religious component. As for the drug angle, while not everyone in the Jesus movement was quick to forego their use, many did. Given Hawkes’ real life experiences, which were slightly altered and given to Herschel as a backstory, it’s not too hard to imagine he was all-in with the film’s anti-drug stance. Everything points to Blood Freak being an honest attempt by religious minded filmmakers to get people to just say no.
And why shouldn’t it be? As the Catechism notes, “The use of drugs inflicts very grave damage on human health and life. Their use, except on strictly therapeutic grounds, is a grave offense.” The statistics stated at this start of this article prove the Church right on this. As such, it’s only common sense to oppose drug use. As for those already hooked using prayer as part of their efforts to kick the habit, that turns out to be a good idea as well.
An article at World Religion News notes…
“There have been several studies showing the effectiveness of faith-based recovery. Teen Challenge, a Christian drug treatment program, has been proven in two separate studies to be more effective than its secular counterparts. A study of injection drug users had one-third of them credit religious practices in avoiding both use and risky practices that could lead to infection. Another study found people who attended faith-based programs were more optimistic about their chance for success. Interestingly, faith-based programs can sometimes also be more effective even when the patients are non-religious (but not anti-religion).”
So, yeah, it actually seems like Blood Freak was on to something. Drugs actually are bad for you and religion really can help you stop using them. As for the whole using drugs giving you a giant turkey head thing, though, I’m afraid I’ve got no facts to back that one up.
Tuesday, October 03, 2017
TINSELTOWN TESTAMENTS
GENESIS 2:18
Douay-Rheims Version: “And the Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone: let us make him a help like unto himself.”
Revised Standard Version: “Then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
New American Bible: “The LORD God said: It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him.”
Bride of Frankenstein: “Alone… bad. Friend… good. Friend… good!!!"
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
SHORT FEATURE: FRANK ZAPPA - CHEEPNIS
In his book You Are What You See: Watching Movies Through a Christian Lens, author Scott Nehring suggests that "we make a statement with the films we choose to see, and those films eventually express themselves in our daily lives." If that's true, what does it say about folks like me and Frank Zappa who have a deep and abiding love for cheap monster movies and the like.
Well, obviously, I can't speak for Frank and neither can he now, so his reasons will have to remain a mystery. As for myself, there is no one answer. Part of it is the simple fun, escapism, and novelty to be found in these types of films. I mean, did you watch the video? There's a clip in there featuring a giant monkey swinging a dinosaur around by the tail. That's fun, escapist, and novel all rolled into one.
There's nothing inherently evil in any of those things, although they can end up that way if not taken in moderation. Continuous novelty seeking, for instance, might indicate someone is a dopamine or adrenaline junkie, and we wouldn't want that. Rest assured, I know when it's time to stop having fun, turn the channel, and wallow in the misery of the nightly news for a while. And vice versa.
But it's more than just the entertainment aspects. Like many other religious persons, I try to filter everything through a spiritual lens. Or as the Jesuits might put it, I do my best to find God in everything. And yes, that even goes for movies with giant monkeys swinging dinosaurs around by the tail. You'd be surprised how much God can be discovered in films like that. Often buried really, really deep, sure, but still there. And surprisingly, that makes them all the more fun, escapist, and novel. As evidence, I offer ten years of this blog.
And that's enough navel gazing for one night. Let's get back to the movies shall we? See you next time.
Sunday, September 03, 2017
THE B-LIST: THE 5 WORST JOBS IN SCI-FI/HORROR MOVIES
As more than one comedian has put it, Labor Day is that time of year we get to celebrate having a job by not working all day. However, the official website of U.S. Department of Labor would prefer we take a more somber approach to the holiday. It reminds us that Labor Day “is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country.”
In that spirit, we here at The B-Movie Catechism would like to take the time to celebrate those laborers who take care of the most thankless tasks imaginable, those who have the worst jobs in Sci-Fi/Horror movies.
1. LAB ASSISTANT
It doesn’t matter whether you’re working for Victor Frankenstein, Herbert West, or any other of the countless mad scientists out there, the job of lab assistant in sci-fi/horror movies just plain sucks. It’s not just the usual tedious tasks like prepping experiments, recording data, and cleaning up the equipment afterwards. It’s more all of the grave robbing, kidnapping, and dealing with a boss who daily intrudes on God’s domain that makes the job such a chore. At best, you’ll end up dead. At worst, you’ll find yourself strapped to a table and turned into some hideous human/cobra hybrid with an intense aversion to mongooses (not mongeese, we looked it up). If you can find a way to skip such an internship, we highly recommend it.
2. PERSONAL CARE ASSISTANT TO BARON HARKONNEN
Vladimir Harkonnen was bad enough in Frank Herbert’s written works, what with being a pedophile/rapist who regularly drank blood straight from his servants’ hearts. So wretched was he that the Reverend Mother of the Bene Gesserits cursed the creep with a degenerative disease making him so fat (how fat was he?) that he has to use anti-gravity suspensors just to move his butt around. If you’ve ever watched a single episode of My 600-lb Life, then you know what that means. Somebody has to give this guy a bath every day. If it was just the weight, that might be okay. That’s just one of the challenges of caring for the morbidly obese. But in David Lynch’s movie version of Dune, Harkonnen’s corpulent condition is also accompanied by huge, festering boils all over his body. Nobody wants the job of rubbing a damp sponge all over that, especially not when there’s a better than average chance of getting buggered in the process.
3. TOKYO DEPARTMENT OF SANITATION WORKER
Fandom being what it is, there have been numerous online debates as to whether or not Godzilla poops. The general consensus seems to be that since the Big G ingests nothing but radiation, there would be no physical waste to worry about. Rodan, on the other hand, you just know that guy has to leave droppings everywhere. And then there’s Hedorah, the Smog Monster. He’s basically half-excrement to begin with. So, when the fighting is all done, somebody has to clean all that doody up, right? Well, a little investigation reveals that in New York, it is actually the Sanitation Department’s job to clean up anything the City’s mounted police force leaves behind. As such, it seems reasonable to expect their Japanese counterparts would to have to do the same for any beasts, large or small, roaming their streets. They probably have to use bigger shovels though.
4. NYC SEWAGE TREATMENT WORKER
As the New York Times so succinctly points out, the job of Sewage Treatment Worker is tough, unpleasant, and just plain dirty. It goes without saying, however, that modern metropolises couldn’t function without the public service provided by these dedicated men and women. And it’s not just dealing with filthy working conditions and the occasional vermin that make sewer workers the unsung heroes of the Big Apple. If the movies are to be believed, they also have to put up with giant alligators, flesh-eating blobs, human-mimicking mutant cockroaches, Jason Voorhies, and C.H.U.Ds. Whatever you do, don’t forget about the C.H.U.Ds.
5. PRIEST
In the real world, a recent study published the University of Chicago showed that if you want to have a job where you are the happiest and most satisfied, then you need to join the clergy. One of the authors of the study noted, “The most satisfying jobs are mostly professions, especially those involving caring for, teaching, and protecting others and creative pursuits.” That pretty much describes being a priest, which got a whopping 89% satisfaction rate on the survey. It’s a little different in the movies, though. In the celluloid universe, anytime some half-ass sorcerer, self-centered Cenobite, dime-store devil worshiper, or demon de jour shows up and wants to make a name for themselves, they head straight for the nearest Catholic Church and try to take out the local pastor. You know, a priest’s schedule is packed enough as it is. Add in having to stop what they’re doing every fifteen minutes to ward off the hordes of Hell, and it just gets unbearable.
And there you have it, the worst jobs to have in Sci-Fi/Horror movies. There’s no doubt more, so be sure to drop a note in the comments letting us know what you think should be added to the list. Happy Labor Day, everyone!
Saturday, July 15, 2017
NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU
I was about to complain that I’m still knee deep in the work-year from Hell, but since I’m the one who spent all that time praying for a way to keep paying my bills, I don’t think I can honestly say the bad place is to blame for my crushing work load. Ah well, at least I’ve managed to find time to squeeze in a few reviews for Aleteia, including ones for Spider-Man: Homecoming and War for the Planet of the Apes. I also revamped one of my old articles about Horrifying Masks from the Movies for SCENES. Around here, though, pickings have been slim. Fortunately, there are some other sites out there talking about movies and religion to compensate for my lack of content.
To start with, there’s Bradford Walker’s article at SuperversiveSF in which he reflects fondly on The Last Starfighter. Sure, the movie may be a bit of old school 80s cheese chock full of video gamer wish fulfillment, but according to Mr. Walker, it’s also a praiseworthy tale about the necessity of accepting responsibility. Grig would be pleased.
Not quite as positive is Matthew Walther’s take on the HBO series, Game of Thrones. Writing for The Week, Walther puts forth the argument that the show is nothing more than “ultra-violent wizard porn” that’s ultimately bad for your mortal soul. I’ll have to take his word for it as (GASP!) I’ve actually never seen a single episode.
I also somehow missed the 2015 insect horror flick, Bite, a low budget gore fest with overtones of Cronenberg’s The Fly. However, my curiosity is raised by Thomas M. Sipos’ post at The Hollywood Investigator in which he assures me (and everyone else) that Bite is a surprisingly conservative Christian allegory on the dangers of fornication. Guess I’ll have to keep an eye out for it.
Speaking of bugs, Philip Kosloski has a short piece up at Aleteia in which he ponders the role of spiders in Christian art and whether or not the hideous venom-filled things deserve their reputation as sinister creatures?
While you’re at Aleteia, you might also want to check out Matthew Becklo’s review of A Ghost Story, the new film in which Casey Affleck dies and comes back as a spirit who wanders around wearing a sheet with eyeholes in it. Apparently it’s thoughtful and touching and not at all as stupid as it sounds.
More somber sounding is John Macias’ musings on Logan at Crisis Magazine. Now that the film is out on home video, it might be a good time to take in his thoughts on the film and its themes of Technocracy and the Abolition of Man.
And finally, in honor of of the release of the aforementioned War for the Planet of the Apes, here’s a picture of some nuns feeding a monkey. Everybody likes monkeys.
Friday, June 30, 2017
Tuesday, June 27, 2017
THE B-LIST: QUESTIONABLE MUSICAL MOMENTS #23 – THE APPLE
This isn’t the first time we’ve sampled The Apple here at The B-Movie Catechism, but the simple fact is that Menahem Golan’s gonzo musical/biblical allegory is a crap-filled cornucopia that never runs empty. For instance, in our review of the film we didn’t even get around to mentioning the brief sequence in which the entire movie comes to a screeching halt so that every single person on the planet can take part in a daily state sponsored exercise routine. Behold, if you dare, the national BIM Hour.
At first glance, this would appear to be some sort of government run torture program. I mean, “Hey hey hey, BIM’s on the way!” repeated ad nauseam for a straight hour. That’s worse than water boarding, right? But the citizens seem to love it, so that theory doesn’t really work. I suppose BIM Hour could be a national health care initiative, as the dialog hints at. After all, a fit populace would definitely cut down on expenditures. But no, there seems to be far too many portly participants for that to be the case. If the exercise hour is some part of BIMcare, it’s definitely one that’s not working.
That leaves ritual. As behavioral scientists Francesca Gino and Michael I. Norton noted in a recent post at Scientific American…
“People engage in rituals with the intention of achieving a wide set of desired outcomes, from reducing their anxiety to boosting their confidence, alleviating their grief to performing well in a competition – or even making it rain…. Recent research suggests that rituals may be more rational than they appear. Why? Because even simple rituals can be extremely effective… What’s more, rituals appear to benefit even people who claim not to believe that rituals work… Despite the absence of a direct causal connection between the ritual and the desired outcome, performing rituals with the intention of producing a certain result appears to be sufficient for that result to come true.”
Okay. So, what is the desired outcome BIM is hoping for with their daily dose of mandatory jazzercise? Well, in an article for the journal, Cultural Anthropology, sociocultural anthropologist Barry J. Lyons suggests rituals play an important part in discipline and the maintenance of social order. He states, “Anthropologists have long regarded ritual as a way that societies make cultural assumptions tangible and impress social structural principles upon participants.” Given that, the ritual of BIM Hour is most likely a way of reinforcing the populace’s collective voluntary submission to BIM. It’s the Nuremberg Rallies via way of the dance floor.
Ritual doesn’t have to be so sinister, though. Discussing the Christian ritual of the mass, the Catechism explains that…
“Signs and symbols taken from the social life of man: washing and anointing, breaking bread and sharing the cup can express the sanctifying presence of God and man's gratitude toward his Creator. The great religions of mankind witness, often impressively, to this cosmic and symbolic meaning of religious rites.”
In the case of religion, then, the purpose of ritual is not merely to establish some form of social order (although some secular leaders have almost certainly attempted to use religion for such reasons). The rituals of religion are meant to do no less than allow its participants to experience God. Of course, that only works if people actually show up and participate in said rituals. Might want to remember that come next Sunday.
Thursday, June 15, 2017
DAWN OF THE DEAD VS. LEGION
As long time readers of this blog know, ever since I first saw the trailer for Legion all those years ago, I have taken to periodically pooping all over the movie whenever the opportunity arises. Safe to say, the passage of time has done nothing to diminish my dislike for the film. Unfortunately, I’ve been busy, and I haven’t really had the chance lately to give Legion a good bashing. Fortunately, Brett Graham Fawcett has.
Brett has a Masters in Theological Studies from Newman Theological College and is currently studying to become a teacher, which just goes to show once again that most (if not all) of my readers are way smarter than I am. So, when Brett forwarded me a piece he had written contrasting the failures of Legion with the successes of Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead remake, I knew I had to share it with everyone. Enjoy.
Dawn of the Dead Vs. Legion
A guest post by Brett Graham Fawcett
I ridiculed the movie Legion for generally sucking. One of the most important factors in its suckiness was its crappy metaphysic. It should, I think, have gone for a straight dystheistic world where God is omnipotent, omniscient, and scary. Instead, it was some sort of lay Process Theology or Hollywoodized Open Theism where God means well but has fits of immoderate anger and an occasional really bad idea that his smarter angels need to reel him back from. Besides being dimwitted theology, I don't think it makes for an interesting horror movie.
Furthermore, His means of eradicating the human race, even in the context of "popcorn logic", is not only really bizarre and perplexing but not especially menacing. Plugged In's review of Legion states, "The angels in Stewart's vision are only slightly more intimidating than your average film ninja." This, I think, does a disservice to the average film ninja, who has the good sense to pull his more outlandish feats in relative invisibility, thus respecting a cardinal rule of suspense thrillers and horror movies (one which Alfred Hitchcock used to great effect): It's scarier when you don't really understand it and have to leave it to your imagination. Legion attempts to do your imagination's work for it, and, predictably, fails.
That said, if you want an interesting contemporary contrast to Legion which in many ways hits the notes it was going for, I recommend you check out Zack Snyder's remake of Dawn of the Dead. Now, obviously (this should really go without saying, but whatever, I may as well cover my bases), it's really violent and if you aren't into that stuff you probably won't enjoy this film (or be able to discuss movies with me for more than twenty-four seconds or so). Everyone else reading this has probably seen his movie adaptations of 300 and/or Watchmen, and I don't need to tell you that, whatever you thought of those movies, Snyder is a very stylish director who can really paint a fantastic cinematographic picture. This is important for an end-of-the-world picture like this one.
I'm gonna tell you why.
Both Legion and Dawn of the Dead take place largely in very familiar, pedestrian settings, the former being set in a diner in the middle of a desert and the latter for the most part unfolding in a boarded-up mall. In both cases the world is collapsing around them, and because communication has been severed they can only learn this information "in snippets", so to speak. This feeling of being isolated in an insulated little spot and yet still being aware of the Apocalypse is, I think, a really essential one for creating tension. Yet Legion, despite all the potential afforded by its setting, has few if any really majestic wide shots that express the scope of God's curse descending on the world. Dawn of the Dead, on the other hand, has at least two really evocative shots to this effect in its first five minutes, one of which is a helicopter shot of a car driving down a suburban road while mayhem ensues around it. Despite, strictly speaking, only communicating information about a very small corner of the world, this is all our imagination needs to flesh the situation out and get a sense of the chaos enveloping the globe.
Two other movies that also, I think, succeed at conveying this sense that the sky is falling without showing it (in its entirety, at any rate, in the way that a movie like 2012 does) are Signs and I am Legend. I often hear both these films disparaged as being "overrated" or (and this one makes me want to yell at anyone who says it before setting them on fire) "not scary". Seriously, if you're going to castigate either Dawn of the Dead, Signs, or I am Legend for not being scary, then you've severely missed the point in every case.
I think the problem is in the genres we use to categorize these movies, or maybe in the way they're advertised. No-one I know thinks of Signs as a science-fiction movie, even though it's about aliens (the complaint is always that the aliens aren't scary- which, considering the way the film ends, is a really stupid complaint, in my opinion), and because Dawn and Legend are about zombies, the presumption is that they're "horror" movies. I think this is really unfortunate. It would be like if someone expected Driving Miss Daisy to be an action movie and complained afterwards that the two leads weren't attractive enough. On the other hand, I have never heard There Will Be Blood described as a horror movie; it's always labeled as a historical drama, or maybe as a thriller. Yet I found There Will Be Blood way scarier than almost any "horror" movie in the last decade, since it is a portrayal of a man slowly but surely losing his soul. It is a movie about damnation far more frightening than any of these silly unintentional comedies involving creatures "from Hell". That said, don't see Dawn of the Dead expecting to be frightened. It's an action thriller that happens to be about something monstrous and creepy happening to the human race. On that level, it works marvelously.
There isn't much more to say about the film except to stress that it handles its subject matter with much more subtlety and cleverness than Legion does. The movie, for example, never explains why the dead are coming back to something approximating life and engaging in cannibalism, with their strength, speed, and agility apparently increased. Rather than have a character show up to just flat out explain everything and provide guidance, this leaves the characters to fend for themselves, which obviously is much more interesting. Nevertheless, there are a few clues scattered deliberately throughout the movie. The (extremely well-edited) opening credits depicting the unraveling of civilization are set to the last song Johnny Cash ever wrote, "When the Man Comes Around", a sober proclamation of the Second Coming of Christ that closes with his raspy recitation of Revelation 6:8a from the King James Bible: "And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him." Later, while the characters prepare to escape from the mall, "The Hangman's Song" by Tyler Bates plays in the background. The song opens with these lyrics:
"Armageddon time is coming soon,
Fires will turn us all into dust,
And we will be judged one last time,
You, your son and me.
Woe, woe,
Woe is me..."
These clues in the soundtrack are not the only hints we get of what's going on; at one point, one of the characters watches a televangelist announce that this zombie apocalypse is, indeed, God's judgment on the human race. "Hell is overflowing, and Satan is sending his dead to us," he explains. "Why? Because you have sex out of wedlock, you kill unborn children, you have man on man relations- same sex marriage. How do you think your God will judge you? Well friends, now we know." The televangelist is played by Ken Foree, who appeared in the original Dawn of the Dead as Peter, a character who at one point mentions that his grandfather, a voodoo priest from Trinidad, used to warn him that "when there's no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth". Foree's televangelist repeats this chilling line. No archangels descend to confirm or deny this theory. The seed is planted in the imagination, and the rest of the movie waters it with gore. This, I submit, is much more effective.
Ken Foree's role in Dawn of the Dead- the solemn bald black guy with the wise remarks- is taken up in Snyder's remake by Ving Rhames, playing a police officer named Kenneth Hall. Kenneth (note the homage in the name) is a church-goer who crosses himself when he sees corpses and at one point admonishes the film's other bald black guy (this one a shadier character who apparently steals TVs), who "saw hell yesterday" and is now "scared of going to hell for all the bad things [he's] done" to "go in the stall, say 5 Hail Marys, wipe your ass, and you and God can call it even!" Harsh, perhaps, but not as bad as the gay church organist who is openly and unashamedly atheistic.
Obviously, this isn't a film with a lot of character development (instead it has a lot of nice little performances that give these bones the flesh of relative believability and even charm) and it certainly has no philosophical pretensions, but it isn't stupid, either, and these faint suggestions that, in fact, God may finally be putting an end to His rebellious image-bearers in this grotesque fashion is enough to chill the spine a couple of degrees, if the viewer is willing to invest himself intellectually enough to pay these suggestions any mind.
I close by citing IMDb: "The DVD box text implies that the cause of the zombie plague is a virus. But in an interview on FeoAmante.com screenwriter James Gunn denies the virus theory, stating that a zombie bite is like a vampire bite. Thus the plague is supernatural, not scientific." This, I suggest, is an admission of sorts from the mind behind this story that this pestilence of zombification is a curse from some higher power, and this small revelation colours the whole film with an epic, Old Testament dimension of significance that Legion, for all its hour and half of ostentatious bloviating, was unable to achieve.
Monday, June 12, 2017
SHORT FEATURE: MAGIC MUMMY
Tuesday, May 09, 2017
THE TWILIGHT BINGE #018: THE LAST FLIGHT
S01E18 – The Last Flight
“A World War I flying ace flies through a mysterious cloud - and lands at a modern U.S. air base in the year 1959!”
Although Rod Serling had previously adapted one of Richard Mathieson’s stories for the Twilight Zone episode And When The Sky Was Open, The Last Flight represents the acclaimed (and for good reason) author’s first self-penned screenplay for the show. It also happens to be the first episode to take the show’s title somewhat literally.
According to the Twilight Zone Archives…
The original phrase "twilight zone," came from the early 1900's, used to describe a distinct condition between fantasy and reality. The phrase then evolved into a term used to define the lowest level of the ocean that light can reach, and then as an aeronautical term used by the U.S. Air Force. When Rod Serling was asked how he came up with the title The Twilight Zone, he replied, "I thought I'd made it up, but I've heard since that there is an Air Force term relating to a moment when a plane is coming down on approach and it cannot see the horizon. It's called the twilight zone, but it's an obscure term which I had not heard before."
So, while not exactly in sync with the USAF’s use of the term “twilight zone,” this tale of a strange cloud in the sky that disorientates pilots is pretty close. Of course, said cloud doesn’t just discombobulate them. There’s a bit of time travel involved as well, a component which (unless they’re not telling us something) is not included in the Air Force’s definition. But while the time-hopping aspect of this episode might not apply to real life servicemen, the fear of dying during combat displayed by the main character certainly does.
The military does its best to prepare their troops for the stress of combat, but even seasoned soldiers can have moments of panic, extreme anxiety, or utter indecision. This type of short-term behavioral disorganization is officially referred to as Combat Stress Reaction (CSR), though ‘combat fatigue’ is the more common moniker amongst the rank and file. So it’s hard to completely fault Flight Lieutenant Decker when he momentarily freaks out and abandons his fellow airman in the middle of a dogfight. It could happen to anybody.
However, the fact that Decker’s done it more than once and keeps covering it up so that no one will look down on him, that’s a problem. As Walter Farrell, O.P notes in his Companion to the Summa Theologica…
It is not, of course, wrong to feel fear. A good ghost story should cause goose flesh and shivers; a mysterious noise at night might well make our knees knock and our teeth chatter. There are things that should be feared, things like snakes, broken legs and tornadoes; but we should fear those things reasonably, not suffering damnation in an attempt to escape snakes. For if, feeling fear as every man does, we allow that fear to take command of our action, then we are cowards.
Decker knows that each time he enters combat he is going to turn tail and run, thereby increasing the odds that his comrades will die. And yet he keeps doing it, excusing his actions because there was a good chance those who perished were going to do so anyway. It is war, after all. But his little jaunt to the future shows Decker that his cowardly actions have ramifications far beyond the battlefield, that untold numbers of people who would otherwise have lived will now die prematurely because of Decker’s continued cowardice. No person’s choices rarely affect only themselves. This lesson learned, Decker is finally able to choose the path of courage and do what is necessary. He dies a hero. More importantly, as Farrell might put it, he doesn’t suffer damnation in an attempt to escape snakes.
Overall, The Last Flight is a solid episode and a strong debut for Mathieson, though his best are yet to come. It’s also an interesting one because Mathieson, despite his Christian Scientist upbringing, is usually considered much less of a moralist than Serling was. Maybe so, but you couldn’t tell it from The Last Flight.
Twilight Tidbits: The 1918 Nieuport biplane used in this episode was something of a star itself, having previously appeared in such films as The Dawn Patrol, Men With Wings, Lafayette Escadrille, and The Last Squadron.
Sunday, April 30, 2017
SHORT TAKE: THE WASP WOMAN
Vanity, thy name is woman…
…is something William Shakespeare never wrote; he actually used the word frailty. Still, that hasn’t stopped people from using the misquoted ‘vanity’ line to disparage women for ages now. And that’s despite a rash of recent studies which have shown that men care more about their appearance than women do, take more selfies of themselves than women do, and look at themselves in the mirror more than women do.
All that’s minor league stuff, though. As we learn in The Wasp Woman, only a female has the testicular fortitude to go so far as to steal a scientist’s untested youth potion made from the jelly of a queen wasp and inject herself with it on the off chance it might make her look a few years younger.
Now, to be fair, there’s a little more to Janice Starlin’s choice to risk becoming a wasp-headed monster than just seeing some crow’s feet and frown lines in the mirror. You see, Janice also happens to be the head of a cosmetic empire whose success, in part, has been based on having her image plastered all over its products’ packaging. But now that Janice has the ravaged face of a woman in her forties (really?), it was considered necessary to remove her ancient visage from all advertising. Unfortunately, doing so turned out to be just as bad for sales as having a hag on the box, so profits are sagging anyway.
The film seems to imply that, along with all of the usual stuff, society places an extra burden on women to maintain their physical attractiveness more so than it does men. if they don’t, there will be emotional and financial consequences. Because of this, a number of reviewers have heralded The Wasp Woman as one of the first feminist monster movies.
I suppose if we view Janice as symbolic of all women, then there is something to that notion. But on a more individual level, what Janice is going through is pretty common to just about everyone, man or woman. Writing for The Atlantic, Joseph Burgo, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and the author of Cinderella: A Tale of Narcissism and Self-Harm, Why Do I Do That?, notes…
“In his [eight] stages of psychosocial development, the psychologist Erik Erikson identifies the ‘crisis’ of middle age as a conflict between generativity and self-doubt. Generativity means we come to place increasing value on guiding the next generation—as parents, educators, artists, or social activists. A person who instead remains self-centered, unable to accept the changing of the generational guard, grows increasingly dissatisfied and stagnant. People who make contributions to the younger generation and to society at large tend to feel good about themselves at this stage and find it a consolation for the loss of top billing. They will grow old with a sense of grace and acceptance. Those who can’t bear the shift to a supporting role may become increasingly narcissistic in the unhealthy sense of the word. Even adults who haven’t seemed particularly narcissistic for most of their lives may become so as they age. They will ape the behaviors, clothing, and attitudes of the young, trying to preserve their sexual appeal. They may opt for plastic surgery. Socially, they become more self-absorbed and insensitive, demanding to remain the center of attention.”
In other words, people who live their lives in service to others tend to be happier as they age, while those who remain self-centered become increasingly miserable as time goes on. Heck, they may even start making stupid decisions such as injecting themselves with wasp queen jelly and turning into homicidal monsters. You know, it’s almost as if all those times the Pope has harped on the necessity of serving others (like here, here, and here, for example), he might have actually been on to something.
Saturday, April 08, 2017
SHORT FEATURE: LEANING
Another day, another depressing poll. According to the most recent Gallup survey on American’s perception of honesty and ethical standards amongst various professions, things are still looking dour for the clergy. According to the study…
“Americans' ‘high’ or ‘very high’ ratings of the clergy slipped to 44%, its lowest point since Gallup first asked the question in 1977. The clergy rating first dropped below 50% in 2013 to 47% and slipped one point to a new low in each of the past three years.
Clergy ranked at the top of the list in 1977 with a 61% rating when Gallup first included the profession in the list. In 2001, almost two-thirds of Americans rated the honesty and ethical standards of the clergy as ‘high’ or ‘very high.’ But the sexual abuse scandal that engulfed the Roman Catholic Church in 2002 brought the rating down to 52% that year. By 2013, after a series of further revelations of abuse, less than half of the public gave the clergy a ‘high’ or ‘very high’ rating.”
So, yeah, perception of the clergy would seem to be at an all-time low. But you know the problem with perceptions, right? The initial ones aren’t always the most accurate, as the short film Leaning aptly demonstrates. (Content warning: there will be blood.)
Perceptions can change. Even Gallop’s survey hints at it. For instance, go further into the data and you find this tidbit:
“Among those most likely to give the clergy a ‘high’ or ‘very high’ rating this month were Protestants (59%), those aged 65 and older (58%), those who attend religious services at least weekly (57%), and Republicans (56%). The groups least likely to rate the clergy's standards as ‘high’ or ‘very high’ were the nonreligious (22%), 18- to 29-year-olds (30%), those with annual household incomes under $30,000 (31%), those with a high school education or less (37%), and liberals (37%).”
In other words, those who rate clergy low on the trustworthiness scale are those unlikely to interact with them on a regular basis. Those who do, such as regular churchgoers, tend to rate clergy much higher. Just as in Leaning, perceptions change once you see what the clergy is actually up to. The truth is, once you get to know the majority of clergy (there’s always a few duds), the more you discover just how much these people devote their lives to serving others. So, if we want to increase the positive perception of the clergy, the solution is simple. Help get more people into the Church. And we do that by becoming better Christians. Somehow, it always comes back to that, doesn’t it?
Sunday, April 02, 2017
HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY!
I’ve been so ridiculously busy lately that my anniversary completely slipped my notice. No, not my wedding anniversary. What do you think I am, suicidal? I mean my blogging anniversary. As of February 2017, it’s been 10 years since I started The B-Movie Catechism.
Now, that hardly makes me the longest running Catholic blog around (I’m pretty sure The Curt Jester has been going strong since before Al Gore invented the Internet), but 10 years is still a pretty good run considering the subject matter here. After all, how many other Catholic sites do you know that are offering essays on Scream Blacula Scream and Gymkata? Of course, my particular taste in movies has guaranteed me a niche position as a bit player in the big picture that is St. Blogs. So, while many of my contemporaries have gone off to book deals and radio spots and the like, I’m still sitting here trying to sound intelligent while talking about stuff like Frankenstein Island.
And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. If God’s happy with me here, I’m happy with me here. Plus, the well never runs dry when it comes to religion or bad movies. I’m pretty sure I have at least another ten years worth of material to get to. So, as long as all of you keep showing up, I will too.
Thanks for a great first ten years, everybody!