Adam and Eve (1983) After getting the boot from Eden, the titular couple run afoul of pterodactyl puppets and a guy dressed in a bear suit seemingly made by a special effects person who only vaguely remembers what a bear is supposed to look like. They also interact with various Cro-Magnons and Neanderthals, one of whom Eve temporarily hooks up with after her and Adam have a spat. The movie never really explains why all of this stuff might have been left out of the Bible, but if one had to guess, it's probably because it's all so abysmally dull.
TIL: Scripture doesn't mention what takes place between Adam and Eve's expulsion from Eden and the birth of Cain because, well, it just doesn't matter to the story of salvation history the Bible is telling. Still, people like to imagine what might have gone on in the narrative gaps. The Church is fine with such noodling as long as the resulting guesses take into account the living traditions of the Church and don't contradict what is theologically certain. It might also be a good idea to leave out the pterodactyls, at least if you want to be taken seriously.
One Sheet Words of Wisdom: Adam and Eve l(1983) "Had Adam tenderly reproved his wife, and endeavored to lead her to repentance instead of sharing in her guilt, I should be much more ready to accord to man that superiority which he claims." - Sarah Moore Grimke
Rasputin the Mad Monk (1966) We begin the story with the already notorious Rasputin as he seems to miraculously heal an innkeeper's wife, after which he immediately seduces the man's daughter. Just giving God some sins worth forgiving, Rasputin claims. After that, the alleged holy man heads for Saint Petersburg where he worms his way into the good graces of the Russian royal family. Nothing good happens after that. Actually, there's very little historical accuracy here, but who cares when you've got Christopher Lee going hard as the hypnotic huckster.
TIL: How did some high ranking members of the Orthodox Church fall for Rasputin's schtick? Didn't any of them read 2 Cor 11 where it says, "For if someone comes and preaches another Jesus than the one we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it well enough… For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, who masquerade as apostles of Christ." You'd think Rasputin's teaching that you could drive out sin with sin would have been a clue something was off.
One Million Years B.C. (1966) After Tumak of the dark-haired Rock tribe is exiled to the desert by his father, he hooks up with Loana of the fair-haired Shell tribe. Alas, the pair's Pebbles and Bamm Bamm romance does nothing to cool relations between the two tribes and it looks like war is on the horizon. However, the local volcano may have something to say about things. Completely ahistorical (what fossil records?) and really thin on story, this is mostly remembered these days for Ms. Fuzzy Britches herself, Raquel Welch, running around in a leather bikini while being chased by stop-motion dinosaurs.
TIL: The use of the labels A.D. (anno domini/in the year of the lord) and B.C. (before Christ) started in the year 525 when a monk named Dionysius started utilizing A.D. to count the years since the traditionally recognized birth of Jesus. The Venerable Bede added B.C. to the system in 731 and Charlemagne officially adopted the usage of both labels sometime in the ninth century. The attempts to replace the labels with B.C.E. (before common era) and C.E. (common era) started around 1715 but the new labels have never caught on as much as non-Christians would like. I mean, you still have to explain why it's the common era, so it's really kind of lame.
Midnight Offerings (1981) Were you a fan of the old M-TV show Celebrity Deathmatch but were disappointed they never did a Waltons vs. Little House on the Prairie episode? Not to worry, ABC's Movie of the Week has you covered. It's Erin Walton vs. Mary Ingalls as two teen witches dueling to the death (eventually) for the affection of their high school's resident heartthrob. Sure it's silly, but played so dead serious you can't help but just go with it. Who knew such family friendly femmes could be so fatal?
TIL: Making offerings to deities is an ancient cross-cultural thing. However, according to Genesis, the origin of the practice goes back to humanity's beginning with Cain‘s gift of the fruits of the earth to Jehovah. The Catholic Encyclopedia notes, "at the root of all oblations is the idea that God has a claim upon man, his possessions, and the fruits of his labors, and is pleased at receiving an acknowledgment of His sovereignty." That notion remains as part of the small offerings we make these days like fasting, tithing, or charitable actions.
The Monster Walks (1932) An heiress and her fiancé arrive at her ancestral estate only to find (1) everybody there hates her guts because the family's patriarch left her all the money, and (2) her dearly departed dad was conducting weird experiments in the basement. All of that can mean only one thing. You guessed it, there's a homicidal ape loose in the house. Look, I don't know where all these rich people in the 30's and 40's got their apes, but if the glut of old dark house movies from that time period are any indication, every mansion came with at last one. Anyway, this is a lesser effort in the ape in an old dark house subgenre, but if will do if you've already seen the better ones.
TIL: Apes have no religion, but Jane Goodall often wondered if they had some kind of inner life, especially after watching them seemingly contemplate nature with what seemed to be awe and wonder. “Why wouldn’t they also have feelings of some kind of spirituality?” she asked. Alas, Michael Egnor at Mind Matters notes that every study conducted so far indicates, "Apes can’t contemplate spirituality-God, the afterlife, morality, salvation-because they can’t contemplate anything... Abstraction is beyond the reach of animal minds, because abstraction is an immaterial power of the mind, and only humans have immaterial thoughts." That's a shame, because I really wanted to use potential ape spirituality to make a joke about the I'm spiritual but not religious crowd.
The Sleeping Car (1990) A sad sack divorced thirtysomething heading back to college to finish his degree rents an old locomotive sleeping car decked out for student housing. Unbeknownst to him, the car's last occupant was an alcoholic serial-killing train engineer whose spiteful spirit still haunts the sofa. In no time, the lethal love seat kills anyone who stops by for a visit. No lie. It's a promising weird setup boosted by the presence of the always affable David Naughton. Sadly, it never quite gels and the film ultimately feels like lukewarm 80's leftovers.
TIL: For 30 years prior to WWI, The St. Anthony of Padua chapel rail car carried the sacraments to areas of the U.S. that had no Catholic Church. Spearheaded by Oklahoma City’s Bishop Francis Kelley, the idea was was initially opposed by his Archbishop who, true to his Franciscan roots, felt that a heated railroad car with bedrooms and a kitchen was far too luxurious a way for missionaries to travel. But Pope Pius IX loved the idea and gave it his blessing. Actually, the Baptists, Russian Orthodox, and Episcopalians also had cars on the rails, but the Catholic car was the most popular, with 25,000 people in Boston alone turning out to see it.
SHORT FEATURE: HAIR - EASY TO BE HARD Ordo Amoris? Yep, one of those old Catholic terms is actually in the news. Now, don't worry, we're not getting into politics (Blech!), we're just interested in the ideas itself. So, if you're looking for a defense or condemnation of how any particular politician thinks the principle of Ordo Amoris should be carried out, look elsewhere.
Aquinas (of course) spells out the general guidelines of Ordo Amoris, or the Order of Love if you prefer English. He notes, "One’s obligation to love a person is proportionate to the gravity of the sin one commits in acting against this love.” Basically, he's saying it's a sin not to prioritize those for whom we have greater responsibility.
Let's do a for instance. What if your neighbor's house catches on fire at the same time Los Angeles is burning down. Ideally, you'd be in the financial situation to aid both. But, if you're strapped, helping your neighbor has to come first. Yes, even if their dog yaps too much or they haven't returned those tools they borrowed. Really, it's just common sense.
Oddly enough, the point is made quite excellently in this clip from the musical Hair in which the character of Hud's fiancé shows up to tell him she's pregnant and he tells her to get lost because he's too busy being a part of the movement. This cause her to break into song (and has anybody performed this better than Cheryl Barnes does here) lamenting how this socially conscious hippie is overlooking the very person he should be helping the most. Ordo Amoris is right there in the lyrics...
Matinee (1993) Looking to capitalize on the dread generated by the Cuban missile crisis, master showman Lawrence Woolsey brings his latest celluloid extravaganza, Mant!, to a small Florida town. While teen drama and atomic paranoia run rampant around him, Woolsey prepares for the film's premier by setting up a number of gimmicks. These include having an actor dressed as the movie's half-man/half-ant monster terrorize ticket buyers and setting up large speakers to shake the auditorium, a gag he has dubbed Rumble-Rama. Once the lights go down, havoc erupts. This light hearted love letter to B-movies is a joy for film fanatics and John Goodman's performance as the William Castle wannabe will make you love him even more than you already do.
TIL: Writing in Crisis Magazine, Ronald J. Rychlak relates how, during the Cuban missile crisis, JFK sent a message to Pope John XXIII imploring him to help. The Pontiff responded with a radio address and letter published in newspapers all over the world, including Pravda, in which he begged for peace. Rychlak notes, "With his plea, Pope John XXIII had given Khrushchev a way out. By withdrawing now, he would be seen as a man of peace, not a coward." This, along with the U.S. and Russia agreeing to withdraw missiles form strategic locations, managed to calm things down. As Rychlak explains, "Pope John’s role in the resolution of the Cuban missile crisis is often overlooked, but it was very important. It also helped move the world in a positive direction."
The Incredible Shrinking Woman (1981) Overexposure to a variety of household chemicals causes suburban homemaker Pat Kramer to begin diminishing in size. This not only turns Pat into an overnight celebrity (a commercial product if you will), but also brings her to the attention of a cabal of mad scientists who want to shrink the world. They kidnap the now doll-sized Pat for experimentation, but she manages to find an unlikely ally in one of those super-intelligent gorillas mad scientists always have locked up in their labs. This early effort from Joel Schumacher featuring Lily Tomlin's comic take on the classic tale abandons metaphysics for satire of consumerism. The result is no gut-buster, but still makes for good family fun.
TIL: In his encyclical Centesimus Annus, St. Pope John Paul II noted that capitalism is the preferable economic system because, in theory, it encourages producers of goods to be attentive to the needs of others in order to be successful. However, he does warn that capitalism can lead to consumerism, a way of living in which people make consumer goods the source of their identity and the goal toward which their lives are oriented. As Fr. Richard John Neuhaus put it, "Consumerism is, quite precisely, the consuming of life by the things consumed." Or put another way, as we see in the movie's visual metaphor, consumerism eventually shrinks one's personhood until, finally, it simply disappears forever.
Vice Squad (1982) Unable to break the glass ceiling, a businesswoman changes her name to Princess and turns to the oldest form of entrepreneurship to make ends meet. Her new job goes okay until a fellow hooker dies following a savage rape and beating from her own pimp. Princess does her best to stay uninvolved, but soon finds herself coerced into helping the police track down the culprit. This could have easily slid into 80's exploitation obscurity except for one thing, Wings Hauser. The man is legendarily slimy as the world's most vile pimp, Ramrod, and his mere presence forces everyone else to bring it up a notch.
TIL: Victory over Vice was a series of talks given by the Venerable Fulton J. Sheen (and, like most of his stuff, eventually turned into a book) in which he used the seven last words of Christ on the Cross as a counter to the seven deadly sins. For example, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” is a perfect antidote to the vice of anger. Basically, his method boils down to four steps to overcome vices; introspection, avoiding sinful opportunities, willpower, and a right philosophy.
The Stendhal Syndrome (1996) An American detective tracking a serial rapist/murderer through Venice discovers she has the titular disorder, a mental condition which basically causes the brain to short circuit when viewing great works of art. Once her prey learns of the detective's weakness, he uses it to plot against her. Mind games and super weird plot twists ensue. Certainly nowhere near Argento's best movie but, notwithstanding some questionable character decisions (and kind of icky given the film's star is the director's daughter), it's probably his last really decent one.
TIL: Speaking on the effects of art, Jem Sullivan, Ph.D. notes, "There are many, many stories of people who are not believers, who are atheists, perhaps, or just secular people, and something about the beauty that they encounter either in nature or in a work of a beautiful work of art, a piece of beautiful music, brings them closer to God in some way that was unexpected. That’s the interesting thing about beauty: It takes us by surprise and has a hold on our attention for however long we’re engaged in the encounter with beauty. But it leaves us changed. It leaves us transformed."
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