Thursday, March 23, 2017


As mentioned in my previous post, my day job is severely limiting my writing time here at the ol’ B-Movie Catechism. That’s regrettable because as much as I enjoy reviewing films for Aleteia and Scenes, I don’t often get to cover the kinds of movies over there that I do here. Apparently, long-winded ruminations on stuff like  Reptilicus and Hard Rock Zombies just don’t generate the same number of page views a review of Logan does. That’s fine, but I still miss discussing low budget and cult cinema. So, until I can get back into full swing here, I’m going to start putting up the occasional short take on movies tailor made for this site, a sort of B-Movie Catechism lite, if you will. Let’s start with…

Don't Kill It

Did you ever watch Fallen and wonder if it wouldn’t be just a little bit better if they replaced Denzel Washington with Dolph Lundgren and added lots and lots of head trauma? If so, then have we got a movie for you!

Don’t Kill It features everybody’s favorite chemical engineer turned beefcake bad boy (it’s true, look it up) as Jebediah Woodley, a deep-south demon hunter on the trail of a body hopping baddie. It seems Jebediah has been after one particular fiend ever since he was a little demon hunter in training and witnessed it cause his father’s death. Now, at last, Jebediah has the hellion in his sights and can exact some sweet revenge. The catch is, anytime this particular demon’s host body is killed, it immediately jumps into the body of the person who did the killing. What’s a guy to do in a situation like that?

Not to worry, as over the decades Jebediah has developed an impressive arsenal of non-lethal weapons for just this situation. Unfortunately, nobody else has, and since no one believes a word of Jebediah’s warnings, everyone tends to immediately open fire anytime one of the possessed goes on a killing rampage. You’d think after the first few massacres, everyone would learn their lesson, but no, skepticism rules the day. Who cares that just about every religion on the planet since the dawn of time has recognized the existence of malevolent spirits, let’s just ignore that possibility because a few drunk atheists have written best selling books saying such things are make believe. Just keep turning a blind eye to the obvious even as you’re having your face bashed in.

Which happens a lot in this movie! Don’t Kill It is a gleeful throwback to all those late 80s/early 90s direct-to-video action romps which were short on plot, but long on carnage. I can’t recall the last time I’ve seen a movie with this many head wounds in it. It’s all cartoonish fun, though, which is just what you would expect from the director of Big Ass Spider! and Lavalantula. In fact, given the vibe this movie gives off, it makes me wish some studio would throw some money their way and give Mike Mendez and Dolph Lundgren a shot at adapting Larry Correia’s Monster Hunter International series. Since that will probably never happen, though, Don’t Kill It will have to suffice. It’s cheap, silly, and fun, and you can’t ask for much more than that.


Xena Catolica said...

Ah, MHN...a couple of years ago I heard him speak at a regional Sci-Fi convention where he was Guest of Honor & he said at least one Big Name director was quite interested in it for the big screen - but that such deals take years. He also said from an author's point of view, even a bad adaptation can really boost sales - that happened with Jim Butcher's Dresden Files. Correia is a terrific speaker, btw, LOVES to talk about it, unusually not shy about talking about the financial aspect of being a writer, and very generous to fans in the hallways. I'm not a huge fan, but he's a great speaker if you get a chance.

Scott W. said...

He also said from an author's point of view, even a bad adaptation can really boost sales

That reminds me of a friend of mine who is a World War II buff who wrote an email to F. Paul Wilson, author of The Keep, about various WWII questions in which the film was mentioned in a jocular negative way in passing. Wilson kindly wrote back with responses and included, "The less said about Mann's butchering of my novel the better." However, to be fair, Mann says he was forced by the studio to chop the movie to an incomprehensible mess.

P.S. If you are a fan of The Warriors you are absolved from having to read Sol Yurik's earnest-to-the-point-of-vacuity novel.

Rocket Scientist said...

Wonderful to read your reviews again! As usual we all here at the Martin household look forward to your B-Movie reviews. Hoping to see more soon!

EegahInc said...

Xena - I've only read the first MHN, but thought it gave off a good B-Movie vibe. Not sure it would benefit from a big budget treatment, though.

Scott - Definitely a Warriors fan, but never read the book. I heard an interview with Walter Hill where he said the studio refused to let him make a straight adaptation of the book, so he went full cartoon instead. I'm kind of glad he did.

Rocket - I've been watching plenty of bad movies, so I have no shortage of material.