Monday, August 11, 2014


I reviewed the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for Aleteia this past weekend and, unless there’s a bug on the site, it seems to have inexplicably become the single most shared thing I’ve ever written. Why? Beats me, it’s just another average review for an average movie. The Internet just doesn’t make sense sometimes.

Of course, there are lots of things involving the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that don’t make any sense, like, say, their appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show back in 1990. That went way beyond senseless to… to… I don’t know what. You’ll just have to watch for yourself. Be warned, the video stops around the 3:30 mark and doesn’t return, which is probably merciful.

Um, did Oprah just suggest that April O’Neil should engage in bestiality? Seriously, is there any sexual deviancy daytime talk show hosts won’t approve of? Maybe it’s just because that of the four states in which Oprah owns residences, three of them don’t have laws outlawing getting amorous with animals (the things I research for this blog). Not really surprising in California and New Jersey, I suppose, but Colorado?

Oh well, no matter what the law does or doesn’t say, zoophilia has been a big no-no in God’s eyes since the beginning. Leviticus 18 unambiguously states, “You shall not have sexual relations with an animal, defiling yourself with it; nor shall a woman set herself in front of an animal to mate with it; that is perverse.” No wiggle room there.

Besides the fact that the idea of bestiality is just kind of gross to the majority of people, such a rule also makes sense if you have a good understanding of chastity. Fr. John Hardon's Modern Catholic Dictionary defines chastity as “the virtue that moderates the desire for sexual pleasure according to the principles of faith and right reason… Chastity implies an opposition to the immoral in the sense of lustful or licentious. It suggests refraining from all acts or thoughts that are not in accordance with the Church's teaching about the use of one's reproductive powers.”

So, since you can’t be married to an animal (not yet anyway, and certainly never in the sacramental sense) and you can’t naturally produce offspring with one (science is just speciesist in that respect), sexual desire for animals definitely qualifies as a huge sin against chastity. You’d think this notion would be common sense, but you know, some things are just senseless, especially when it involves the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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