THE B-LIST: COMICS THAT WILL NEVER BE MADE INTO MOVIES #03: WORLD’S FINEST COMICS #209 (1972)
If this series of posts on comics that will never be made into movies has proven one thing, it is the fact that Superman is just that, a super Man, not a super Jesus as many would have him. But just in case there’s still some confusion out there, then this Superman/Hawkman team-up from World’s Finest #209 should really drive the point home.
The story begins as many Hawkman tales do, with the Thanagarian policeman beating the crap out of a bunch of common thugs. Now, this is back in the days before Hawkman was being written as a bloodthirsty neo-fascist, so the winged wonder doesn’t automatically crush anyone’s skull with a mace. But that all changes after one of the crooks drops a heavy sandbag on his head, after which the injured Hawkman hears a tiny whisper in his ear…
While the police convince an enraged Hawkman to stop battering the bad guy, The Tempter stands by content that his plan to corrupt Earth’s heroes is well underway. But as fine a hero as Hawkman is (one of my favorites, actually, when he’s done right), The Tempter has an even bigger target on his “to tempt” list, Superman. Traveling to Metropolis, the invisible menace finds his prized prey in the midst of apprehending a small time hoodlum known as The Oddsmaker (what, they can’t all be Lex Luthor).
Unsurprisingly, Supes makes short work of the third-rate thief, but upon delivering his prisoner to police HQ, finds the officer on duty somewhat less than enthusiastic about getting around to booking the criminal. Sensing an opportunity, The Tempter attempts to appeal to Superman’s vanity. Of course, being a Christ figure, surely Superman is able to withstand such an assault just as Jesus did in Gethsemane, right? Nope, not at all. In less than a second, the Man of Steel folds like a cheap suit.
Having wormed his way so easily into the psyches of both Hawkman and Superman, The Tempter then turns his attention towards their loved ones. First he riles up Hawkgirl, convincing the female flying fury that her husband is a complete insensitive jerk (remember, this was back before that actually became his default personality) oblivious to her homesickness, and then he gets inside Lois Lane’s head, inflaming her righteous indignation after Superman angrily brushes off her questions regarding his failure to enlarge the shrunken bottle city of Kandor.
As it turns out, Superman actually has figured out a way to enlarge Kandor, but hasn’t done so because his calculations have indicated that only one place on Earth could possibly sustain the super city, the very piece of real estate that is currently occupied by Hawkman’s home town, Midway City. Unfortunately, an evil Kandorian scientist named Kro-Al has recently arrived at the same conclusion and has escaped with a plan to replace Hawkman’s home with his own.
Through a convoluted series of machinations, The Tempter manages to trick a conflicted Hawkman into helping Kro-Al build his enlarging machine AND kidnap Lois Lane. All this goes unnoticed by Superman who, at The Tempter’s urging, has traveled to Midway City in order to accept an award. Kal-El’s plan to get a little ego boost goes awry, however, when it turns out that every freaking kid in the street somehow seems to know about his inability to enlarge Kandor (and no, that’s not a euphemism).
Just as things are about to get nasty, Jimmy Olsen arrives on the scene to inform his pal that Lois has been abducted and needs rescuing, an event which the now deluded Superman sees as the perfect way to win back the admiration of his fans. As the Man of Tomorrow engages the escaped Kandorians in mid-air combat, Hawkman temporarily regains some clarity and flies to his fellow Justice Leaguer’s aid. The Tempter has been at work, though, and just before he can enter the fray, Hawkman receives a call from his wife informing him (untruthfully) that they have been ordered back to their home planet of Thanagar. Convincing himself that Superman can handle things on his own despite the fact that he’s severely outnumbered, Hawkman leaves the scene.
With Hawkman gone, Supes easily gets his butt handed to him by the super-powered Kandorians, on national TV no less as the W-HA-HA news chopper is on hand to gleefully broadcast his beat down. Infuriated at the public humiliation, Superman becomes easy prey for The Tempter’s final ploy. In his most cajoling tone, The Tempter convinces Superman that the solution to all his public relations problems would be to wipe Midway City off the face of the planet and enlarge Kandor in its place. Of course, being a Christ figure, surely Superman is able to withstand such an assault just as Jesus did for forty days in the desert, right? Nope, not at all. In less than a second, the Man of Steel succumbs quicker than a cop at a donut shop.
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