Friday, December 08, 2023

PONDERING NIGHTCRAWLER'S PARENTAGE

As some of my fellow comics fans out there know, Marvel recently ended our long national nightmare and finally allowed Chris Claremont's fetish fueled fantasy of having two lesbians sire a child to come to fruition. Yes, Kurt Wagner's true parents have been revealed to be Mystique and Destiny all along. This has, of course, been celebrated in the usual places, but I don't think they have thought it through. You see, this plot point actually confirms that the only way two biological women could ever naturally conceive together is for one of them to possess the fantastical not-of-this-reality ability to alter her body down to the genetic level. Just changing the outward appearance wouldn't cut it. So, kudos to Marvel for supporting the science, though in all likelihood not on purpose.

However, it's not all good. Since they have now elevated Mystique's shape-shifting abilities to this near-omnipotent level, how long will it be before some writer (probably Mark Millar if we're being honest) realizes its horrible potential? How long before someone (again, probably Millar) gives us a storyline in which Mystique, following a blackout drunk hookup with Dogpool, gives birth to a litter of blue puppies? (They'd have to be blue right? If Nightcrawler proves anything, it's that the blue gene is dominant.) Don't get me wrong, blue puppies would be unbearably cute, but the whole idea is gross. So, shame on you Marvel for opening up the possibility of that particular story which nobody wants. Well, except for maybe Claremont, who knows.

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