Friday, August 03, 2007

WEEKLY NEWSREEL




















Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Catholic and all you other Christians at sea. We're going to keep doing this till someone begs us to stop. Remember, today's gossip is tomorrow's Bible study. Now let's go to press.

DATELINE: LOUISIANA - MISS SCARLETT IN THE CONSERVATORY WITH A... MICROPHONE?

Film Junk shakes its head in wonder over the news that actress Scarlett Johansson is working on an album of Tom Waits covers entitled (wait for it) Scarlett Sings Tom Waits. The album will also contain duets with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Celebration. In all fairness, the B-Movie Catechism has not heard Ms. Johansson sing, and we dutifully make note of the Catechism when it reminds us that "By means of society, each man is established as an "heir" and receives certain "talents" that enrich his identity and whose fruits he must develop." However, it does go on to add in another section, rather bluntly, "The "talents" are not distributed equally." After 4 volumes of Golden Throats, we here await the impending CD release with fear and trembling.

DATELINE: CALIFORNIA - HE IS HAPPIEST WHO FINDS PEACE IN HIS HO(L)ME(S)

A tidbit found buried on the IMDB news site informs us that Scientology's favorite poster couple Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes have recently purchased land in the celebrity haven of Montecito in order to build an estate. This relatively small community is already the home of such distinguished names as Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, and Avril Lavigne. This is not the kind of story one wishes to see so soon after browsing through the book of Revelations and seeing this verse, "Then I saw the beast gathering the kings of the earth and their armies in order to fight against the one sitting on the horse and his army." Fortunately, this page at Catholic Answers gives a brief, but sufficient, explanation on why Catholicism rejects premillennialism. For a split second we thought it would be necessary to issue an emergency bulleting advising all of us soon-to-be "Left Behind" Catholics to start stockpiling canned goods.

DATELINE: CONECTICUT - THAT OLD JEDI MIND TRICK WON'T WORK ON US, BOY

And in a follow up to our own review of Final Exam: The Novelization, we give you this. In case you somehow missed it, Ain't It Cool News passes along a photo from the set of the new Indiana Jones movie which shows George Lucas talking to Harrison Ford while wearing a t-shirt proclaiming "HAN SHOT FIRST". The article states that "this isn't something of earth-shattering importance... but to some of us, it's a sign. A sign that perhaps the great one is remembering the way it was and should always have been." Amen.

And it's on that happy note that we draw to a close this week's newsreel. Quoting again the words of the great Les Nessman, "Good day, and may the good news be yours."

4 comments:

D. G. D. Davidson said...

Don't get your millenianisms confused. The "rapture" is as far as I know only associated with premillenialism, and is not taught in all forms of premillenialism. I'm not sure I'm comfortably with the article's equation premillenial = millenarian, either. According to Bernard McGinn, Catholic eschatological thought through most of history has been "millenarian," but probably not premillenial. Are we confusing terms?

Scott said...

Mr. Davidson is right. If one is really bored, they can go to any non-Catholic Christian forum, start a thread titled, "Are you pre-trib or post-trib?" and watch the fur fly. :)

Scott said...

And now I note that the CA article you link explains much of it. I guess people link for a reason. :)

EegahInc said...

Good catch on a bad typo. I did indeed type in the exact opposite of what I should have. I'll edit it to read correctly for those who don't check the comments. Thanks.