Over at her Shredded Cheddar blog, Enbrethiliel recently passed along a movie review meme that I just can’t help but take a shot at. It’s called Thirty Movies, One Day, Six Words Each. Of course, the trick here isn’t just to choose 30 films and review them in six words each, but to make sure they’re this blog’s kind of movies, if not in budget, at least in subject matter. And just to make it more challenging, I’m going to try and throw in some six word catechesis as well. But enough talk, let’s get started. (And remember, even though we’ve reviewed some of these movies in the past, this is not a recommended watch list. A few of these I’m not proud of having seen.)
#1 -- One of Your Favorite Movies
(But Not Your Favorite Favorite)
PRINCE OF DARKNESS
Satan studied quantum physics, who knew?
(Religion and science coexist quite nicely.)
#2 -- A Movie You Hate
(Or Just Plain Really, Really Don't Like)
I’ll never stop pooping on Legion.
(Better catechesis would stop these movies.)
#3 -- A Movie You Watch With Friends
Cheese with a side of cheese.
(Savior of the universe? Job taken.)
#4 -- A Movie That Pleasantly Surprised You
Entertaining creepfest not just for kiddies.
(Unless you turn, become like children...)
#5 -- A Movie That Disappointed You Terribly
BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA
B.S. Dracula you mean. Not Stoker's.
(C'mon, call a monster a monster.)
#6 -- A Movie from Your Childhood
THEY CALL HER ONE EYE (A.K.A. THRILLER: A CRUEL PICTURE)
Rape. Murder. Addiction. Prostitution. Eye gouging.
(Monitor what your kids watch. Seriously.)
#7 -- A Movie from Your Childhood That You Hated
Just the commercial gave me nightmares.
(Oddly pro-life given the subject matter.)
#8 -- A Movie You Watched on a Date
EVILS OF THE NIGHT
My date chose it, blame her!
(Passing the buck, just like Adam.)
#9 -- A Drinking Game Movie
HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY
Bob. Bob. Bob. B-o-o-o-b. Bob? Bob!
(Jesus loves little children. Even Bob.)
#10 -- An Action Movie
ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 (THE ORIGINAL)
Even the women are tough guys.
(Remember, fortitude is a cardinal virtue.)
#11 -- A Comedy
Best death by eggplant ever filmed.
(Premarital sex is bad for you.)
#12 -- A Romantic Comedy
PSYCHOS IN LOVE
Grape hating sociopaths find wedded bliss.
(Hey, at least they got married.)
#13 -- A Thriller/Horror Movie
Found footage film that actually works.
(All that is seen AND unseen.)
#14 -- A Sci-Fi/Fantasy Movie
MESSAGE FROM SPACE
Most honorable Japanese Star Wars rip-off.
(I prefer God's call, no walnuts.)
#15 -- An Indie Film
Lycanthropy? Puberty? Teenage girls. No difference.
(Kids ignore you. Teach them anyway.)
#16 -- A Documentary/Biopic
Byron and Shelley ala Ken Russell.
(God is truth. History? Apparently flexible.)
#17 -- A Musical
PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE
Dr. Jekyll meets Faust meets Tommy
(The devil is a liar. Duh!)
#18 -- An Adaptation of a Book, TV Series, Etc.
THE HAUNTING (1963)
Best haunted house movie ever? Possibly.
(St. Dymphna, pray for us all.)
#19 -- A Movie Made before 1967
Every frame could be a painting.
(Head, heart and hands? That’s Church.)
#20 -- A Worthy Sequel/Remake/Reboot
INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS
Ain’t paranoia if they’re after you.
(Insert your modern atheist joke here.)
#21 -- A Sequel/Remake/Reboot That Wasn't Worth the Celluloid It Was Filmed On
ROB ZOMBIE'S HALLOWEEN
Impossible to review without using profanity.
(How some Catholic's see the "Reformation".)
#22 -- A Movie That Made You Cry
Dying rat, dying crippled boy, tearjerker.
(Love animals, but not like humans.)
#23 -- A Movie You Walked Out Of
(Or Straight Up Stopped Watching)
SARAH SILVERMAN: JESUS IS MAGIC
No laughs after twenty minutes. Stop.
(Thoughtless chatter, immoderate laughter. Venial sins.)
#24 -- A Movie You Watched for Comfort Food
#25 -- A Well-Liked Movie That You Don't Care For
James Cameron’s Dancing With Space Wolves
(Be stewards of nature, not worshippers.)
#26 -- A Movie You Love That Many Do Not
Failed satire. Everybody missed the joke.
(No religion in this society? Hmmm.)
#27 -- A Movie You Can Quote Extensively
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA
Chinese have a lot of Hells.
(One hell is enough, avoid it.)
#28 -- A Movie with a Celebrity Crush
RETURN FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN
Telekinetic space teens vs. Bette Davis!
(Can’t regain innocence, can nurture chastity.)
#29 -- The Last Movie You Watched
THE MONSTER CLUB
Good old reliable Amicus anthology fun.
(Minor prophets. Short stories, big lessons.)
#30 -- Another Favorite That's Not Your Favorite Movie
DEAD & BURIED
Classy horror with Twilight Zone vibe.
(Actually, Christians aren’t staying dead either.)
Well, that was long, but a few more quick notes: (6) My sister took me to see this at a drive-in when I was in the second grade. God bless her, she regrets a lot of things these days. (8) In all fairness, my date asked to leave after 15 minutes, which I gentlemanly obliged. (22) In my defense, I was only six when I saw this in the theater. My sister cried too. (23) Really gonna have to do a post about laughter sometime soon. (26) Okay, love’s a bit strong of a word. (28) C’mon, what eleven year old didn’t fall for Kim Richards in this movie, ugly red suit and all? (29) Remember, the Pope recommended the minor prophets for light vacation reading.
And for a last bit of useless trivia: It’s been conjectured that in scripture the number thirty (3 x 10) often marks THE right moment. For example, Joseph was 30 when he became Vizier of Egypt, David was 30 when he ascended to the throne, and Jesus was 30 years old when he began His ministry. Be that as it may, it’s certainly the right moment to end this post. See you next time.