SHORT FEATURE: HEY NUNNIE NUNNIE: MORE LIKE JESUS

Every so often all those years of art school creep to the surface and I have to watch an arthouse film or else go mentally out of whack. It’s sort of like the Pon Farr, but without all the sex and weapons. Anyway, that time us upon me, so for Aleteia this week I took in “Ida.” This tale of a young novitiate who is ordered by her mother superior to explore her past before taking her vows is a frontrunner for this year’s Best Foreign Language Film, and for very good reason. It’s streaming on most platforms now, so check it out. Not only is it an excellent film, but better yet, it doesn’t quite end the way most movies about troubled nuns do.

Still, good ending or not, “Ida” is a pretty sober film and absolutely artsy to a fault. So, for balance, just so you want think all sisters are so somber, here’s a little Hey Nunnie Nunnie straight from your local Renn Fest…

Actually, Mother Redempta and Sister Philomena Claire make a good point. Catholic ladies absolutely should be picky about their men. Lorraine Murray, author of “Confessions of an Ex-Feminist,” suggests at The Integrated Catholic Life that Catholic women should at the minimum demand…

• a man who will protect them from bad guys
• a man who will hold them when lightning splits the sky in two
• a man who will calm them when the phone rings at 3 a.m.
• a man who will love them unconditionally even if they fall off the diet wagon
• a man who will get them smiling again on bad days
• a man who will make them chicken soup when they have the flu
• a man who will stand by them even if the doctor announces that something is terribly wrong
• a man who will forgive them if they go on a shopping binge
• a man who will vow to stick with them through the sacrament of marriage
• a man who will walk up the aisle with them to receive the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ
• a man who is courageous enough to defend the teachings of the Catholic Church
• a man who will take fatherhood seriously
• and, above all, a man who will mirror Christ’s love to others.

Or, if you want the really abbreviated version, just do what Hey Nunnie Nunnie says and look for a guy who’s a little more like Jesus. You’ll be glad you did.