HAPPY HAPPY HALLOWEEN IX

For obvious reasons, Halloween has traditionally been the busy season around this blog. This year, however, I was commissioned (along with a lot of better illustrators) to produce some cartoons for a small Catholic publishing company and had to spend my spare time working on those instead. Still, I couldn’t let the holiday creep by without offering our yearly suggestions for cheap and easy to make costumes based on some of the movies we’ve discussed over the past twelve months, either here or over at Aleteia. Long time readers know that we provide this annual service for those Christians who can’t stand one more year of dressing up like a nun or an Old Testament prophet, but would still like their disguises to reflect their beliefs in some way.

Let’s start out with one for the fellows, and a pretty easy one at that. In fact, all you really need to dress up as this threatening apparition from The Devil Rides Out is a red bed sheet (white sheet soaked in RIT dye acceptable) to wrap around your infernal nether regions. Body oil is optional, if not actively discouraged. Oddly enough, for a movie full of Christian symbolism, this one demon actually calls to mind a shaytanic jinn, one of those non-angelic spiritual beings Muslims believe inhabit the unseen world. But that’s okay. Go as this guy and you just might remind folks that evil is real and out to get you, no matter what you do or don’t believe.

Now that we’ve got the guys covered (the necessary bits anyway), we can turn our attention to the ladies. For you, we suggest going as uber-businesswoman Claire from this year’s blockbuster, Jurassic World. Claire’s all-white skirt and blouse ensemble should come relatively cheap, with most of it probably already hanging in your closet. The only accessories you should have to spring for are a red glow stick (our lawyers advise we not recommend actual flaming torches) to attract dinosaurs with and, more importantly, a pair of 3.5-in. nude Sam Edelman heels in your size. Heels, as you probably know by now, are the preferred foot ware in which to outrun enraged monsters created by profit-minded mad scientists. Actress Bryce Dallas Howard, who played Claire, explained, “She’s in high heels because she’s a woman who has been in high heels her whole life and she can f****** sprint in them. She can. That’s kind of how I perceived it. She doesn’t have to be in menswear and flats in order to outrun a T-Rex. That’s what women can do.” Sure, why not? So slip on those pumps, go trick or treating, and be sure to remind everyone you meet that science must serve mankind, not just men’s wallets.

If you’d prefer a more unisex look to your costume this year, then the possessed Christie’s getup from Ninja III: The Domination is just the ensemble for you. Throw on some used coveralls, a ski mask, and some dollar store ninja gear and nobody will know what you are under there. Of course, to make the costume 100% authentic, you’ll need to slather on tons of mascara as well, but let’s face it, this is 2015, so they still won’t be able to tell what you are under there. Sigh.

But enough of all these solo suggestions. If you’re in the market for a couple’s costume, why not try out Mavis & Jonathan’s wedding attire from Hotel Transylvania 2. For Mavis, all you ladies can just pull out your little black dress, add a veil and some fake vampire fangs, and you’re good to go. As for you fellows, it’s not prom season, so you should be able to pick up a tux pretty cheap. Just add a carrot-top wig and and you’re ready to walk the aisle. Or your neighborhood streets as the case may be. Not only will you make a lovely couple, but you’ll be a shining example of how love can overcome all the problems a mixed-marriage might present.

And finally, if you need something for the whole family, why not make yourselves up as the stalwart heroes from Big Ass Spider! Between Goodwill and the Dollar Store (again), these outfits should be fairly inexpensive to throw together. Of course, one of you might want to dress up as a big ass spider so everyone gets the point, but thanks to the Internet…

…that should be no problem. So, not only can the whole family participate, but you’ll be making a statement on how everyday working class guys and gals are just as heroic and worthy of praise as all those folks flying around in capes. You know, kind of like how the apostles were.

Well, hope this gave everyone some useful hints for costume ideas this year. Until next time, Happy Happy Halloween everyone.